Voices in my mind...

The Bieber Catastrophe

2011-03-31T20:32:00.002+05:30

To be able to completely enjoy the post, Click here to watch the video, and listen to the lyrics while you watch. Sorry, I know this is asking for a lot.

Also, I have, for once, used a proof reader other than TGWTT. Thanks, Ranjitha Shivaram! (read her blog, she writes damn well herself)

Note – I am not a masochist.

It has been a year since I’ve been hearing people scream at the top of their voices that an entity named Justin Bieber sucks so hard, I had reasons to believe that a human being has finally been able to create absolute vacuum. I came across spoofs, webcomics, and works in almost every medium possible suggesting as much. Here was one guy on whose sexuality, more questions were raised than on that of Karan Johar’s, and that’s something! All because of one song??? That seemed a little strange.

But I was hell bent to spare the little traces of well-being I had left, so much so that I had decided at the very beginning that I was not going to subject myself to the torture of actually watching a Bieber Video. So much so, that at as much as a hint of a bieber song being played somewhere, I used to run away faster than a Rakhi Sawant confronted with a Burqa.

However, as soon as I left IIT, I started meeting people of the other kind. I have met guys (???) who claim to play his music (???) in loop. I have known girls who call each other whenever they find out that one of his songs is playing on TV. Finally, after my 14 year old cousin had to break up with his girlfriend after a three-year long relationship (yeah, that’s right), only because she would get real surly and difficult whenever she used to hear about a rumoured girlfriend (or boyfriend) of Justin Bieber (which is like every other day); I could take it no more. I thought, “Meh! It’s just a music video, how foul can it be?” I have this tendency of checking shit out for myself when I know it can’t damage me permanently. I was soon to find out that I was wrong on MORE THAN ONE counts.

I had to find out why people hated his songs so much.

So I buffered one of his videos on Youtube.

I was not even sure of his real name till that point of time. I just thought that he is some guy surnamed Weaver, who was unfortunate enough to have a Bong manager. However, with the starting credits, that was out of the way. The song was “Baby (ft. Ludacris)”.

Those were 3 minutes and 45 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.

The song started with the trashy “igg dish dish thoomp” beat structure, which my good friend Hridya can beatbox in her sleep, and it’s not really saying much about her beatboxing skills. The song is about a guy (apparently), who professes his undying love for a girl at... wait for it... a bowling alley!!! (Its Canada. What did you expect?).

However, this guy seems to have a plan. He has made a list of things he can tell girls belonging to that part of the globe, to get her to say yes. And he tries them all, one by one, with increasing levels of desperation through the course of the song. Those things, in that precise order, along with the exact words that he uses, are as follows:-

1. Confusing her into believe something that’s not true (“You know you love me, I know you care”)

2. Refusing to listen to her unless she says what you want to hear (“Are we an item? Girl, Quit Playin’! We’re just friends? What are you sayin’???”)

3. Emotional Blackmail (“My first love broke my heart for the first time”)

4. Monetary enticement and the lure of shopping (“I’ll buy you anything / I’ll buy you any ring”)

But deep within, he knows that nothing that he says is going to work unless it’s not complemented with that horrible tone and tune. And finally, the realization dawns (“I’m going down, down, down”).

But as soon as the chorus begins, the girl starts to show interest in Mr Bieber. I did not have to try too hard to understand why. He finally started using a language that was intelligible to the teenage chicks of North America. This is how it’s done:-

1. Choose a word (in this case, the word is BABY) which you’d say again and again AND again, so as to make sure that the chick knows that she’s being addressed. Notice that you need to say it many times because an average North American girl has an attention span of around 7 seconds, as opposed to my attention span which is OOO SHINY CLOTH SO SHINY huhbuhgwuhgwuh

2. Decide upon the message which you want to convey. Phrase it into a sentence consisting STRICTLY of monosyllabic words (here – “thought you’ll always be mine).

3. Choose a lame rhyming scheme (here done using “oh” and “no”), so that she manages to remember it even with her small attention scheme. Make sure that the words you choose for rhyming end as if with a vowel, so that you can carry them as long as required to fill the gaps (for example, Oh can become Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and so on)

4. Punctuate the lines with a liberal spatter of the magic word “Like”

The end result of this exercise is a chorus refrain that goes:-

Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Like, Baby, baby, baby, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Like, Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Thought you’ll always be mine...

Finally, at a point when I could not imagine the song (???) getting any worse, in walked a rapping Brotha’! Although I have to give him credit for being the only seemingly intelligent person involved with the song (He had very aptly picked his stage name “Ludacris”. Either that, or the person who named him in his childhood was a seer), the rapping was terrible (sorry for the double negative). The “Rap” which included classic lines like “She woke me everyday, don’t need no starbucks”, worked as the final nail in the coffin.

Although I did cheer up towards the end for a little while, when they show Bieber and Ludacris goofing around on the sets, and the Brotha holds him in a choke-grip. How I wish he could’ve held on longer and stifled him... Ludacris was my hero and my favourite person in the whole wide world for those 2 seconds.

Finally, the songs died away, along with something inside me.

Final Verdict – Curiosity does not kill only cats. I was the latest casualty. I tried to give him a fair chance, but at the end of the day, he could not make a belieber out of me.

The final blow, however, was yet to come. I was recovering from this shock (with a generous help from Pink Floyd and Queen), when someone forwarded me a link. “Scarlett Johansson all praise for Justin Bieber”

I am a poor man. All I had was hope.

Now I have nothing.

Date a girl who loves music

2011-03-18T14:23:00.004+05:30

Note - Someone forwarded me this link titled "Date a girl who reads". While it was beautifully written, it did not appeal to me that much because I don't read myself :P I did not have any emotional connect with the article. Now if only we were talking about a girl who loved music...

So I decided to write one myself. The structure is EXACTLY the same as that of the original article's. I have just changed the viewpoint, and added a couple of things here and there.

As always, Thanks to TGWTT for valuable inputs.

Date a girl who loves music. Date a girl who spends her money at Planet M instead of Gucci and Ralph Lauren. She has problems with her storage space because she has too many MP3s. Date a girl who has a list of discographies she wants to listen to, who has had a Napster account since she was 12.

Find a girl who loves music. You’ll know that she does because you will find her head swaying, feet tapping and lips moving, irrespective of her surroundings. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the music store, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the collector’s edition of the music score of the first non-silent movie ever made in India. You see the weird chick stealthily altering the bass settings on the store’s stereo system? That’s a music lover. They can never resist the bass, especially when it’s an RHCP song playing.

She’s the girl listening to music while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. When you take a peek at her table, you will find four mugs in which she has divided her coffee to varying levels, just so that she can use the whole setup as a percussion instrument. Lost in a world of melodies, harmonies, and time signatures. Sit down. She might not notice you, as most girls who really like their music own a good set of noise-cancellation earphones. Do not disturb her until the song she’s listening to get over. Ask her which song she was listening to.

Buy her another cup of coffee, and bring her 6 more mugs and a couple of spoons.

Let her know what you really think of Hans Zimmer. See if she managed to bear any song by Hoobastank apart from “The reason”. Understand that if she says she understood Sigur Ros’ lyrics, she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she likes Frida Lyngstad or she would like to be Frida Lyngstad.

It’s easy to date a girl who loves her music. Gift her music for Birthdays and festivals, for occasions and for the lack of them. Give her the gift of songs, in MP3s, in FLAC; and she will burst with joy when you tell her what the FLAC it is. Give her Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin. Let her know that you understand that musical notes are love. Understand that she knows life ain’t a song but by god, she’s going to make her life a little like her favorite musical. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Make mistakes. If she understands music, she will understand that even the Beatles have made trashy music. Be repetitive – She understands that a lingering refrain only adds to the beauty of the solo. Be irregular – She knows that a change from your usual stuff is good once in a while, and unpredictability keeps things interesting.

Fail her. Because a girl who loves music understands that tragic failures often follow masterpieces. Because she understands that no Jam continues forever. That you can always do an encore or a reprise. That staccato is as much a part of life as anything else.

Why be frightened of never being the kind of person that you thought girls conventionally fall for? A girl who loves music knows that a good jazz can steal her heart as easily as the most handsome classical piece.

If you find a girl who loves music, keep her close. When you find her at 2 AM in the night, gently crying while playing and replaying the same section over and over again, make a cup of tea for her and hold her. You may lose her for a little while, but she will always come back to you, and you can expedite the process by humming the song that makes her happy, and then pretending as if you have forgotten the lyrics so that she has to sing along with you. She’ll tell you that she started crying because the music reminded her of her childhood, or of when her favorite dog died; and you’ll understand, knowing that music can touch as gently and yet as strongly as people or experiences can.

You will propose before an Opera. Or after a concert. Or simply while sitting at home, with a hint of her favorite piece playing in the background.

Your existence with light up with the symphony of a thousand violins playing in the background, and your heart will beat as if closely following the rhythm pattern on a Tool record. You will compose the song of your life, talk to each other in singsong, and spend your idle time thinking of names for your kids which might include the names of your favorite musicians, without embarrassing your children. The only arguments you will ever have would be the ones discussing whether a given time signature is 5/4 or 11/8.

She will introduce your kids to Chopin and Pink Floyd, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together, criticizing the young musicians and having prolonged discussions, finally culminating in the conclusion that the music that you grew up listening to was the absolute best of all times.

Date a girl who loves music because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most tuneful and harmonious life imaginable. If all you can give her is cacophony, then you are better off alone. If you want the world and the world beyond it, date a girl who loves music.

Or better yet, date a girl who composes music.

No Compunction

2010-10-25T22:57:00.005+05:30

One of the several brainstorming, revolutionary, groundbreaking (as always), and not to mention, incredibly sad conversations that yours truly and the guy who typed this have shared... This one took place on an idiotic Monday night.

My Status on Google read off from the lyrics of some song, which went as follows: “Jeena meraaaa... mushkil hai yaar tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina; Marna mera, mushkil hai yaar tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, te-re binaaa, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere binaaa…”

Needless to say, such a thing needs its own blog-discussion.

TGWTT: The guy needs to learn that alliteration is not good in excess and it is more than alliteration, it is repetition

TNNNG: alliteration leads to altercation

TGWTT: though it started with defecation

TNNNG: it ends with defamation

TNNNG: I just prefer to express my expostulation in fact, it's almost an obligation

TGWTT: I get it, and your services need some appreciation

TNNNG: I just hope this would forestall the trend's proliferation

TGWTT: oh, no... not unless we resort to prohibition

TNNNG: but all you guys are busy with procrastination

TGWTT: us? We’re not responsible for such mental infarctions!

TNNNG: you could at least stand up against this humiliation

TNNNG: here I bear the onus of this task even while I’m under probation

TGWTT: I know, I know it wasn't your decision and pretty much against your volition

TNNNG: but now my brain cells are on the verge of decrepitation

TGWTT: better that than rhyming in desperation

TNNNG: but what do I do about my exasperation

TGWTT: hmm, ignoring the lyrics seems to be the best action

TNNNG: definitely the best way to fend off frustration

Though I’d like to keep up my act of remonstration

TGWTT: I agree, there seems to be a sense of retribution

TNNNG: waise we haven't lost our touch, this was a good demonstration

TGWTT: oh yes, we've still got the imagination

TNNNG: now if only you'd join hands against the perpetration

TGWTT: even if our vocabulary is unaffected by our vocation

Oh, I wish I could, and I’d gladly share the incrimination

TNNNG: you can do whatever I can, there certainly ain't no discrimination

TGWTT: but in terms of lyrics, compared to you, I know a meagre fraction

TNNNG: I can handle their department; your company will just amplify my jubilation

TGWTT: so, all you ask for is my participation?

TNNNG: yeah, this activity needs revivification and the practice needs condemnation

TGWTT: so, I am handling which section? Yeah, we need to cause some more irritation

TNNNG: we will divide the roles in the next session

TGWTT: sounds like we're headed towards social abolition

TNNNG: it's either that or eternal damnation

TGWTT: I’d be fine with the former; the latter is a scary notion

TNNNG: that certainly is no prevarication

TGWTT: yea, we can always live up to our reputation.

TNNNG: Now let’s end the discussion and resort to more normal modes of conversation_____ howdy? :P

Movie Day Disaster

2010-06-29T22:56:00.008+05:30

P.S. (What? You can't have a Pre-Script?) - My love for cinema halls in small towns in on a slippery slope.

P.P.S. - Sorry Mr. Sunny Somani, but this is the only narrative style that suited this article. I still can't pull it off as well as you do every time.

Chhindwara. My hometown.

It's a boring sort of a town.

And mine is a boring sort of a colony.

No friends. No work. Nothing to do.

Choices

1. Hanging out with mom and helping her figure out why my Aunt seems angry.

2. Taking Dadi out for shopping

3. Helping my cousin with his Math Homework.

I go for none of the above, and choose the invisible option#4.

Gonna watch a movie. Bitchass!!!

Try to find the movies listing.

Realize that the only decent movie amongst the hordes of B-Z grade movies, is The Karate Kid.

Now, I wasn't a great fan of the earlier KK (karate kid) movies. But it was a logical option over Pyaasi jawaani, Khatre ki raat and (gasp) Meri Dhoti Tera Ghaghra.

Decide to go for the 12:30 Show. Big Cinema

Out of the shower at 12:00.

Since no two places in Chhindwara are separated by a distance of more than 3 kms, I decide to wait up and listen to some songs.

I Choose Parikrama.

"But it rained."

The Gods Oblige.

I miss the 12:30 show.

3:00 PM. I finally decide to go.

Somehow my brain's not working well.

I jump two red lights on my way.

Offer the parking ticket instead of money to the guy at the ticket counter.

Offer the Movie ticket instead of the money to the guy at the cold-drinks counter.

I go to my seat. The theater is almost empty. I am alone. The movie starts. Won't get bored for 2:30 hours. Woohoo!

I knew that the movie starts with an African-American family moving to China. So a big incentive for me behind watching the movie was that I'd be hearing awesome Chinese and Nigerian-German (shorten for yourself, I don't wanna get my blog reported as racist) accents.

The Gods hear me again.

Movie making is an act of great precision.

Attention to detail is important.

But I realize that it's just as important to be precise while checking the movie listings. Each alphabet makes a difference.

Especially if that one alphabet happens to be an H, enclosed with brackets.

"Ye ladka chhota hai magar yaqeenan Karate kar sakta hai."

Dubbed in Hindi. I'm screwed.

There were no Chinese accents due to the dubbing. And the worst part...

Do you know how they tend to get the African-American guys' dubbing done in a mumbaiya Tapori accent?

Yep.

I have seen a lot of weird shit in my life, but watching a 10 year old Jaden Smith saying "Tum to Dhaansu fighter ho" and "Main unhe phodna chahta hoon" does strange things to your digestive system in particular and to your will to live in general.

(Sample this. The kid wants to encourage his chick who is practicing a violin piece. The original english dialogue, with a very afro-american swagger, was "I think... you'll be smokin'." What you get to hear, visually aided with those mannerisms, was "Mere khyaal se... Tumhaara jaadu chal jaayega.")

It's okay, I think. Shit happens, I think. And as soon as I brace myself for the hindi dubbing, the Chhindwara crowd decides to play it's part.

The fight begins. Jackie Chan tackles 6 guys at once.

To my horror, people stand up and start clapping, all the while screaming "kya maara hai" and "maar saale ko"

Then the kickass kung-fu music starts. Two kids come up to the screen and start dancing.

The final scene. The coveted kung-fu tournament. Final round. The fabled "Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy." Becomes "Koi daya nahin. Koi darr nahin. Koi rehem nahin."

The pressure's building up. Our braided Jedi fights the Evil Storm Trooper (This kid equalled a storm trooper in terms of facial expressions). Yoda watches on. Evil kid has instructions to swipe the leg.

He jumps.

Turns in the air.

People excited.

The Gods of irony wake up.

Power cut.

Chicks start wondering which nailpolish would look good on the kid.

Guys marvel at his abs and consider taking up his hairstyle.

I consider drowning myself after killing all the people present there.

The movie starts again. The kid is about to deliver the final blow.

People stand up in anticipation (Yeah, that happens here)

Kid jumps. Sure to get his move right. And he does.

Roaring applause.

The experience can't get worse, I'm sure

Chhindwara's movie going crowd has other plans in mind.

Clank! Clank! Clank!

The first two are sounds of coins hitting the screen. Somebody decides to throw five buck coins on the screen as a reward for the kid.

The final clank is my jaw hitting the floor.

ENOUGH!!!

No more movies in Chhindwara. Ever!!!

Oh wait. I Hate Luv Storys (Sic) releases on friday.

GODDAMMIT!!!

My Bucket list (KGP specific)

2010-04-03T11:24:00.003+05:30

40 days… shit man… kya kuchh nahin karna hai abhi!
Ek baar aur stage pe jaana hai.
ETMS ke saath bahut saare acoustic sessions karne hain. Aur LTMS ke saath impromptu jamming.
Taaz ka biryani khaana hai ek baar aur. Preferably with Pappu, but wo health-conscious item aayega nahin saala.
DC ke room pe us se godfather solo bajwaana hai. Uske saath ek bhi pic nahin hai meri… kuchh awesome pics leni hain.
Halu ke room pe baithna hai while he cleans his room… old days types… uske saath jaake ek baar garm rasgullah bhi khaana hai.
Dadi ke hath ka pulaav bhi khaana hai… Jaimini ke saath Indian politics pe discussion bhi to karna hai!
Cake ke saath ek baar life ke funde discuss karne hai… kabhi usey properly samjha nahin paaya how good a friend he has been and how I always try to give it back in equal measures.
Ron aur cake ke sath jaana hai aur 3 treats leni hain cake se… deta nahin hai kameena.
Gully cricket mein century maarna hai. Ek baar Sher-e-Punjab jaana hai.
Dhiman and CFM Azad hall ke saath ek huha bakar movie dekhni hai. Aloo ke saath ek aur discussion karna hai… its interesting how people with totally conflicting outlooks can still sit together and enjoy a bakar session.
Mrigesh-Mehta ke saath arbit gaane chillate aur spoof karte hue 2.2 maarna hai phir se.
Special mention to Archi 4th year batch… Alok, Koki, Praddy, Ranjitha… tum logon ko treat pe le jaana tha, but I think it’s a little too late for that now :(
But naved ko abhi bhi treat deni hai, us se pehle treat leni bhi to hai us se!
LTMS 4th years ko CCD le kar jaana hai.
Dep farewell mein phir kuchh controversial bolna hai. Phir profs ko approve karte hue dekhna hai.
Ek baar phir etms treat karni hai. I can’t let the SEP treat be the last time that I was eating out with the whole of etms. Is baar Juhi aur Somya ko bhi kheench ke le kar jaana hai aur frust karna hai. PUURA ETMS!!!
CCD pe kishan aur sudha aur shom ke saath ek infinite bakar session karna hai.
Hridya ko apne finger-bending skills se frust karna hai, aur ek baar uske saath beat boxing bhi karni hai.
And I am pretty sure jitna kuchh yahan pe likha hai, us se zyada points main miss kar raha hoon.
......................................................................................
Shit man… kya kuchh nahin karna hai abhi!

The IIM C 'Experience'

2010-03-24T18:56:00.005+05:30

I had my IIM A and C interviews on 22nd and 23rd of march respectively. The IIM A interview is very painful to recount for me now (not that I haven't had to do it enough number of times anyway). But my IIM C interview was fun (yes, fun. Because it was just so weird that there is no other way to describe it). Just for the sake of sharing as well as to save myself from giving lengthy explanations every time someone asks me, "Dude! How was IIM C?", I am going to record my experience here. I am also giving my profile so that it becomes helpful to anyone who is yet to appear for the interview.

My profile

Hometown - Chhindwara (M.P.)

10th result - 82% (MP Board)

12th result - 77.4% (C.B.S.E.)

Currently in the fifth and final year of a dual degree course in Chemical engineering from IIT Kharagpur.

Work ex - zero (obv)

Academic distinctions -

Qualified to the national leg of national science olympiad in 2004.
A paper co-authored by me has been presented in a renowned chemical engineering conference.

Extra curricular activities -

Singer, Member of IIT Kharagpur's eastern music society (ETMS), captain of the hostel's music team, 10 Inter-hall and open IIT participation and 5 medals.
Literary activities - Former assistant editor of the institute's Hindi newsletter

All the candidates were divided into 3 groups containing 12 members each. Every group was then taken to different interview rooms and the GDs commenced. I was 8th in my group as per the serial number. There were 12 members including 1 female. The topic of discussion was "The art of deception is essential for achievement".

The topic was pretty abstract and people hesitated in starting the GD. I managed to come in only once during the 9 minute GD, but introduced 2-3 new points and spoke for around 35 seconds. At the end of it, people were called out in random order and given a minute in which they could choose to either summarize the discussion or add new points. I was the 7th person to be asked to speak. I partially summarized and then gave 2 new points to be thought over. The GD was then called off and the candidates asked to come in for the interview as per their serial numbers.

Panel : 3 male IIM Profs and one alumnus. Lets call them p1, p2 and ache (no disrespect here... very nice person. I was told that he was an Ace CHemical Engineer, so a.ch.e.) and a1. a1 never spoke throughout the interview and seemed rather perturbed every time he was referred. Let's call myself ts.

p2 calls me in

p2 - Tapas Shrivastava? Come in. Have a seat.

(after the usual greetings, they take a minute out to start sipping their teas and criticizing the snacks. p2: i hate this puff! you want mine? p1: no thanks, i find this atrocious too. i am just having the paneer part... i was wondering why they eat vegetarian food.

the knowledge that we were at least in agreement there made me feel a little confident :P )

(I enter carrying a journal which contains a paper that I have published, along with my certificates and form)

p2 - oh, you've published a book, is it?

ts - no sir. it's the journal of the conference in which my technical paper was presented.

p2 - so tapas, it says here that you are in IIT Kharagpur. Integrated MTech, right?

me- yes sir. dual degree course, to be precise. Chemical Engineering.

p2 - (looked at ache and says) Sir, he is from your branch! (a1 thinks p2 was talking to him, and goes "wha what me? where?" then realizes he wasn't in the consideration, so decided to move back to oblivion). See Tapas, this person here is an ace chemical engineer. If he decides to take you on, I can't save you!

ts - smiled

p2 - so tapas, what are you doing in iit kharagpur when you are not studying?

ts- told him about my music, writing abilities, and the related extra-currics. also told him i am an avid blogger.

p1 - what kind of stuff do you write?

ts - sir anything ranging from humour to the things around me that catch my attention.

p2 - and you are a singer! what kind of music do you prefer?

ts - I follow a lot of genres but i mainly sing indian light and contemporary music

p2 - (rather contemptuously, i have seen this look on my dad's face a million times) so basically you sing those filmy songs?

ts - (saving my skin) sir, i also appreciate other genres such as classical very much. I can also sing a little bit of semi classical stuff.

p2 - (getting interested) so you sing classical?

ts - no sir, i am not classically trained. but i can sing raaga based songs and ghazals etc (i never sing ghazals. don't know why i said this)

p2 - okay tapas, sing a ghazal for us.

ts - (i could not believe i am being asked to sing a song in the iim interview, so i took some time to process it) sir, you want me to sing a ghazal now?

p2 - (smiles) if you can, please.

ts - i paused for some time, then sang some lines from the famous ghazal "awargi" by ghulam ali.

the panel clapped briefly. I was astounded as to how peacefully things are going.

p2 - which language is this song in?

ts - sir hindi... no actually urdu

p2 - are hindi and urdu similar?

ts - no sir. they are very different phonetically as well as scriptwise.

p2 - can you speak urdu?

ts - no sir. i just know a few words here and there.

p1- tapas, where are you from?

ts - sir, chhindwara. its a small town in MP near the maharashtra border.

p1 - (thinks for some time) give me two reasons why you should not join IIM C.

ts - sir, it's actually more like two sides of a coin. I'd like to ask if (a) Is it more difficult for freshers to perform well in IIM C as compared to people with work ex, and (b) Is it more conducive for a person to enter as a fresher or after some work ex in terms of his learning curve.

p1 - and what do you think about it now?

ts - told him that my classmates who are now in iims are doing a good job there, and the system also benefits them and benefits from them a lot, so my qualms have somewhat subsided.

p1 - :)

p3 - tell me your strengths and weaknesses.

ts - sir my strengths are my receptiveness, adaptability and my punbtuality. I (p2 starts nodding furiously so i go on straight to weaknesses) My weakness is that sometimes i identify the most difficults sections of a task, and then worry about it till that part comes along. also, i become a little complacent sometimes as soon as the task is completed. Like when i have a song to perform on stage, i keep worrying about the highest scale or the most difficult modulation till it comes, and then as soon as it is over, I don't stress on finishing it that well sometimes.

p3 - (nods and says) okay tapas, it was great talking to you.

a little disappointed, i start getting up when p2 interjects. p3 says he has to attend to some work and will be back in half an hour. he leaves.

p2 - tell me something about your field of interest in chemical engineering

ts - sir, i am very interested in polymer manufacturing, polymer processing and the polymer derivatives.

p1 - define a polymer for me.

ts - a polymer is basically an entity formed by the addition of repeating structural molecular units to a chain in a definite configuration. if you add 10-12 molecules, you will get an oligomer. Keep adding molecules, and you get a polymer.

p2 - so i just have to keep adding one molecule after the other and i will keep getting different polymers?

ts - no sir... the physical properties might obviously vary a little as you keep increasing the length of the chain. but it does not matter if you add 10,000 molecules of ethylene or 100,000. you will still get polyethylene.

p1 - so how did you develop your interest in this field tapas?

ts - i have taken quite a few courses in this field sir, as is evident from my grade sheet. i also did my summer internship in a powder paints industry, the main raw material wherein are polymers.

p2 - have been through india? travelling?

ts - no sir... i haven't seen much.

p2- around kharagpur?

ts - not really sir... i mean i have been to kolkata once or twice, but haven't seen around much.

p2 - what have you seen in kolkata? victoria memorial?

ts - :P no sir. actually i spend most of the time in my campus sir. the schedule is pretty hectic and there are a lot of things going on all the time. i am a member of etms, which is one of the best college societies of india and it is very active throughout the term. we have regular productions.

p2 - don't you like going out?

ts - i do sir, it's just that i have been enjoying all these activities very much. and i get totally absorbed in what i like doing. also, i will have a lot of time to travel but i have these years to make the most out of college.

p1 - so you are interested in your college activities in IIT KGP? are you involved with Khitij? (Yes, even he pronounced Kshitij and Khitij)

ts - No sir. I took the other track. I am involved with the societies and i participate in inter-halls etc.

p2 - strange! i have never seen an applicant from kgp who has come down for an admission interview, who has been interested in extra-currics but has not claimed to be a part of Khitij. Did you not qualify a criterion or something?

ts - i did not try sir. I was not interested, and I decided to give my best shot at something that I wanted to excel in.

p2 - this is the thing that i want to ask you. i think you will be good for research. you have a curious mind and interest in your subjects. you have a research publication. you should go for a career in research.

ts - i have thought over that sir. i have been involved in some good research work in my college. and i have a publication too. but i do not enjoy it as much. i am good at it because i am very hard working and diligent in whatever i put my mind to. but i feel from my experience so far that i will get bored in that field 5-6 years down the line. i do not enjoy it very much.

p2 - see, you don't enjoy it and still you are doing good... publishing paper and all. i think you will be very successful.

ts - i am talking about long term effects. i might be good at it now, but i am not very interested in it. I don't think i will be able to sustain it for a long time.

p2 - what do you know about the budget of 2010?

ts - i am not very well informed about it sir, but i can try.

p2 - will you be able to answer if i ask you a simple questions?

ts - not sure sir

p2 - then leave it

p1 - you know something about telangana issue?

ts- yes sir, separate state from AP and blah blah blah

p1 - do you know the main people behind it?

ts - i can't recollect sir.

p2 - why are you not aware of these issues tapas?

ts - sir, there are a lot of things going around and sometimes it becomes difficult to keep track. but i always try to be aware of whatever is happening in my field, locally as well as internationally.

p2- okay.. so you are aware of music? lemme ask you a simple question then (crooked smile) have you heard of something called coke studio?

ts- (excited) yes sir (told him all that i know about the beginning and concept of coke studio)

p2 - and the artistes that come in? noori etc.?

ts- yes sir. there's also ali azmat, rahat fateh ali khan, saeen zahoor, atif aslam etc.

p2- oh, so you've heard of atif, have you? do you like him?

ts - sir, i am not especially partial towards him but i like his work in coke studio (which is not true)

p2 - if i ask you to sing jalpari, can you sing it for me?

ts - yes sir, i can.

p2- (after a pause) that'll be all tapas. it was interesting talking to you.

ts- thank you sir.

The interview was pretty chilled out, and the interviewers were really friendly. i got to show off my singing and so i was happy. please take the xeroxes of all the national and state level certis along with you to the interview.

Ahem...

2009-10-23T22:06:00.009+05:30

Suddenly found myself missing people, who are also currently missing from KGP.

I miss Nishad for being just the most caring, spirited and simply the most wonderful buddy anyone can ever hope for. I miss the awesome night-outs that we spent deifying some musicians, lambasting some others, or just generally bhaating. I miss rooting for him during WTMS productions and inter-halls, and him cheering me up during ETMS productions. I am also sorry for failing to be the same to him that one time, but I hope he knows that was completely unintentional, and it’d be completely different had I known how bad he would feel about it.

I miss Deepthi and watching her with Nishad almost every time when I went out for a walk, and literally every time that I went to eat out, all waving and smiling warmly as I thought to myself, “Man this girl talks funnily (yes, it’s a word) sometimes, but she really is amazing.”

I miss Chatty da for his extremely warm nature and his sense of humour that was ageing like fine wine, till one day when it suddenly started ageing like milk. I also miss him for the way we used to gang up against Pappu to make his life miserable, taunting him for everything under the sun, and for something that were above it as well. I miss him for the widely interspersed funda sessions that usually emerged out of nowhere, starting with, "Duude!". I miss him because of "dekho maa stud aaya". I can't crib much here, because Jhimli probably misses him more than I do, and is going to cry bitterly when she reads this post.

I miss Rauuuu da for being the most comforting soul around, and for putting a smile on my face every time I felt stressed out, frustrated, or simply bored during the past couple of years.

I miss Maggu for the random midnight bhaat sessions involving extremely profound thoughts about nothing, and for him watching a stupid silly TV soap named ‘Dill mill gaye” (Hearts went through a milling maching) just because it had a character named Mayank, who was a topper and upon whom the hottest girl of the college had a crush.

I miss Anikh 'Ban kar doonga' Thakur for the awesome webcomic suggestions, his incessant bakar on DC mainchat, usually ending with him kennylizing people, for his ability to make lewd jokes out of almost everything, and for Dhachad³.

I miss Avi for reminding me time-and-again, that good people are not totally extinct yet (Also for frequent patronizing sessions, and for making the use of the shutdown key on maggu’s keyboard)

I miss Modi for being a totall goofball 24*7, cracking as well as coughing up jokes very gracefully, and seeming casually heedless towards everything except his prof, but then invariably being the first one to get your back when you needed a friend around.

I miss VJ for being a finance-funda-counter, and for having a blog that kept reminding me that I am still an outsider to the English language. I miss Sushil for his (over)modesty, and his frequent Butters moments. I miss Singhal for being the JLo of the wing, which often translated to being the butt (pun intended) of all jokes during the wing treats.

I miss Shreevant for encouraging us (a lot of girls miss him too, but their reasons are different), Varun (Achar) for inspiring us and teaching me most of what I know about singing, Singhi for his awesome skills (apart from all the GPL Conspiracies against him that kept us busy, and the baskets of apples his parents sent him every weekend) and Surd for being (Ab)Surd in general.

I miss Dash, Prao, Akhandal, Shreevant (another mention) Aayu, and last but not the least, AKC (his nutjobbery was also a contributing factor though) for being some of the most wonderful seniors humanly possible. I miss Kapish da for always helping me out, and being very nice and polite to me, even though I never got to know him all that well. I miss Saurav Dutta for “Phaack you Phaakaar”.

I miss Shailvee for being so nice and so frank all the time. I miss Pathok because I don’t get to suddenly scream “Pathoooook” anymore.

I miss Bhati for showing me that there hope and optimism ranks much higher than grades. I miss Pushpendra for being such an awesome person, apart from being a diligent student who never got his due while others who copied assignments from him went places. I hope he makes it big in life, because he deserves it. I miss Bhadani for being the person who distracted the professors when nobody wanted to answer them. I miss Adi for his poltu, and his being chafed when I mentioned the same at the departmental farewell function. I miss Ketan for being TEH stud, and for committing the act of studaapa just after convincing the people around him that he won’t be able to do it. I miss Fachcha for being the Mr. Know-all of the Department. I miss Kathel for being Kathel, apart from being my friend imported from Bhopal, who helped me at times when I really needed help. I miss Arpit and Kanhaiya for being such awesome people, whom I unfortunately got to know very little, and that too only during the last semester. I miss Shadab for being just the politest person ever.

I miss Piyush, because of the camaraderie that we shared, despite of us being as different from each other on every level as is possible (except for our shared love for music). I miss his halu expressions and all the different kinds of weird, strange sounds that he could make. I miss Puja for being the nicest girl I have ever met, apart from being the girl I most enjoyed eating out with, and the only girl I know who has an awesome handshake. I also miss her for the enormous amount of faith and confidence that she had in me, and in all her friends in general. I miss Arpita because of the first 1 year that I spent around her, trying to make small talk at best, always afraid of being scolded (kinda), and then for spending the coming following two years trying find excuses to hang out with her, basically because of the cord that we struck with each other, and because she is such an awesome company when you wanna hang out. I miss the way Dhiman’s eyes lit up whenever he used to come up with that amazing surprise for his girl which I could never even think of, and the way only he can.

I miss Tembe for being my first friend in KGP, for always giving that warm smile whenever I waved at him, and for the awesome job-cum-first-year-group-get-together treat. I miss Cake because he is largely unavailable now, and I miss Pastry just because I know Cake misses her (and I am not talking about desserts. I love food, not that much)

And I am worried about the same time next year, because I know that this list is only going to grow - astronomically.

The Duck Incident

2009-10-19T19:05:00.009+05:30

Note: Please keep clicking on the hyperlinks provided.

It looks like a duck. It walks like a duck. It quacks like a duck.

The responses:-

Average Joe: It is a duck.

A Symbolic Logic student: Saying that it is a duck will make a strong inductive argument.

Engineering Student: I think I will be able to answer you a night before the examination.

Doctor: Might be a duck. But since this is tter of life and death, I suggest you carry out these tests worth 50k-odd bucks on the found creature.

Lawyer: Since it looks, walks and quacks like a duck, it is very apparent that it is not a duck.

Australian: It is either a crocodile or a kangaroo, mayyte.

Restauranteur: Lemme check. If it is, indeed, a duck, I shall run a duck special on the menu today.

Bong Restauranteur: Aagaar daak (duck) hoga to kaal (kal) banega dada. Aaaj daak naaai hoga.

Bong Politician: Cholbe na! Eta Cholbe na! Daak pe atyachaar cholbe na! Strike korbo!!! Aamaara Red chair aur Loudspeakaar laao!!!

MJ: This question is eegnorant!

Chris Rocker (Britney Spears' fan): LEAVE THE DUCK ALONE!!! LEAVE IT ALONE!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS AFTER ALL THAT SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH? YOU ARE LUCKY SHE EVEN QUACKS FOR YOU!!!

Pamela Anderson: Well I don’t exactly knowwww what a duck is, but if it is an animal, and they are studying it, then this is cruelty. I shall design a nude campaign with PETA on this issue to save ~~my plummeting popularity levels~~ the poor ducks.

Dumb blonde (except Pamela Anderson): I personally believe that US Americans can not answer this question because some people out there in our nation do not have ducks. And we should help the ducks in countries such as the Iraq and in South Africa and everywhere like such as AND I feel that the ducks in the US should help the US or should help the Iraq and other Asian countries and hence.

Thakur: Dhachad Dhachad Dhachad

Vaibhhav Sinha: Dude! The ignominy of the promiscuity of the illicit nature of the citing of the said quadruped, coupled with your pusillanimity discernible from this act of showing incomprehensible interest in a creature of sub-human intelligence followed by presenting me with such a pathetic query showcases your inability to add 2 and 2 to come up with the correct answer of 4.75. (Intentional use of incomprehensible language? You bet! Dude scored 740 in GRE verbal section. Intentional calculation mistake? Right again!!! 740 in GRE quant section!!!This is something he still ReGREts) (Don't worry if the first few lines don't make sense to you. If you understand his statement completely, then it's probably not his statement to begin with.)

Chef Brian: Aah! A roster! The tomatoes of my brain are mighty pleased. WTF, you ask?Aah... the meaning of life! Mashed potatoes minus stale socks equals "The fuck". Learn.

KGP Prof (and I shit you not): We know that it is not a duck, but since we have to assume something, let us assume that it is a duck.

Haiku Writer: Duck or dog or goat / Unless it can eat you up / What's the friggin' point mate?

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

2009-08-09T19:48:00.005+05:30

C 129 : Shrey Modi

Note: Modi smokes. He probably thinks he looks cool while smoking. Here are the pictures of (1)how he imagines himself looking when he smokes (2)What it looks like to us.

Popular Nicknames : Modi, Shasha, Chuchu, Moda

Quotable Quotes:

Ek-ek kar ke aaoge marne ya ek saath?

Jaimini! Gaad de in sabko!!!

Abey koi Cheddis chalega? (After hearing a no) Saala tu Rao nahin hai yaar!!!

(Note: Just read the previous articles before writing this one and came to remember that I didn't bash Avi as much as others. Now I am a staunch believer in equality. So Avi, sorry dude. Once again)

Meet Shrey Modi. The dude with John Abraham's attitude in Rajpal Yadav's body. He takes inspiration from the world around him, as a result of which he now has a dog's sleep, a donkey's stamina, an owl's nocturnal habits, a rat's alcoholic tolerance (He once got totally smashed after drinking just one beer, fell down from his bed and broke a front tooth - true story) and of course mayank bhagat's appetite. Though these virtues that he has taken up from all these animals (pun intended) have screwed up his life in a very very horrible way, they have also made him the dream employee of all the IT companies. Hence, he manages to find cool things to do, like he did last placement season ;P (buzz me for the inside story).

And though he claims that he will be getting an 8-digit figure when he marries a gal (bikaau saala), I am pretty sure we are gonna face a lot of problems in fixing this pseudo-gult's marriage with another such girl. What kinda problems, you ask? Imagine the famous scene from Sholay, in which Amitabh Bachchan goes to Mausiji to talk about the "rishta". (To watch the scene, click here. Will help you when you compare dialogues). Suppose, one fine day, Modi manages to see beyond his lab and that prof from the Indu Department, and actually likes a gal; and asks any one of the guys (Avi automatically excluded) from ColGatE (Tiwari also excluded, he ain't in ColGatE anymore, courtesy powerpuff girls), then how'd that go? Here is a weirdo's (read : my) impression. (Bouquets and brickbats for the telugu part to be directed to Sudha)

Mausi: Ala unnavu? (How are you?) (I'd just have written "Ent ra" otherwise)

ColGatEian: Bagun nanu. (I am fine)

Mausi: Ab itna to poochhna hi padega ki ladke ka khaandan kya hai? Uske lachchhan kaise hain? Kamaata kitna hai?

ColGatEian: Ab Kamaane ka to ye hai mausi, ki ek baar biwi-bachchon ki zimmedari sir pe aa gayi, to raat raat bhar apne professor ke lab mein rehne ki jagah kisi job ke liye hi apply kar dega.

Mausi: To kya kuchh bhi nahin kamaata?

ColGatEian: Nahin nahin mausi... aisa maine kab kaha. Magar ab roz roz jo prof. isko raat bhar department mein rok leta hai, wo roz project ke paise nahin deta na!

Mausi: Hain? To Professor ka bhi angle hai kya?

ColGatEian: Nahin nahin, magar ek baar jab sutta pila diya na prof ne, to phir raat-din ka kahan hosh rehta hai? Sutta Pila ke rok diya prof ne. Ab isme bechare Modi ki kya galti?

Mausi: Waah beta! Suttebaaz wo, raat ko prof ke saath rukta hai wo, magar galti uski koi nahin?

ColGatEian: Ab mausiji, aisa hai, ki prof to banda hai. Uska tension lene ki zaroorat nahin aapko. Rahi baat bandiyon ki, to shaadi hote hi Avi Jain ke paas jaana band. Bas phir sutta vagairah to yunhi chhoot jayega.

Mausi: Haaye Ram! To ab yahi kami bachi thi? Avi Jain ke paas bhi jaata hai?

ColGatEian: Ab mausiji Avi Jain ke paas to poora ColGatE jaata hai chori-chhupe. Shrey ki galti nahin isme. To main rishta pakka samjhoon?

Mausi: Ledu! No! Never! Now before I throw a bowl of sambhar on you, go away! PO! POOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

ColGatEian: Alright. I am leaving.

Mausi: Ruko.
Jaate jaate Avi Jain ka number aur address dete jaao
(Digression on purpose? You bet!)

Waise frankly speaking, he is sorely missed by all of us. Helping, caring, jovial, the life (and sometimes the death) of all the parties, and most importantly the owner of the wing's only printer; Modi represented the spirit of this Wing. And now with him gone, this wing is never gonna be the same. Even for those of us who are left here. So here is wishing him a life quite opposite to most of what I have written in this blog. Amen!

P.S. 14 over, 3 to go!

Hey There Pupu Chan

2009-05-30T18:34:00.005+05:30

My very dear friend TGWTT, who is currently in Grenoble, France for his internship, is basically having a hard time right now. Does not mean that I am particularly enjoying myself all alone in this humid hellhole named KGP, but life does become difficult anywhere without dough (Money). And this is the very problem that tgwtt, whom i lovingly call pappu or pupu chan, is facing in France. To know more, which is important for you in order to understand this post, read his side of the story by clicking here.

So here we were, chatting as he cribbed about his fiscal circumstances there, while I sat in my hostel room listening to this lovely song called Hey there Delilah by a band named Plain White T's. To listen to the song, click here. You can find the lyrics here. Please check these links out, they will help you comprehend and appreciate the post better.

This is the complete version of what I started typing due to the combined effect the two described events. I call it "hey there Pupu Chan"

Hey there Pupu chan

What’s it like in Grenoble city

I am thousands of miles away

And dude, tonight you seem so perky

Yes you do, Gol C can’t shine as bright as you
I swear it’s true

Hey there Pupu Chan

Don’t you worry about the money

When this damned weekend is over

You’ll have glazed donuts and honey

And Chocolate, Rice

I know now you wanna scoop out my eyes

N’ use them as dice

‘Cuz Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

It’s what you do to me

Hey there Pupu Chan, I know France is just absurd

And all that you get for free there is cow poop and goat turd

That too battered; Fifty cents, if he were here he’d say “Word!”

But don’t you swerve

Hey there Pupu Chan, you’ve got so much more of meat

And all the microwaveable food you have

If right now you could eat , You’d eat it all

The very next day while walking you’d fall

And puke it all

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Your university is pretty far

And they’ve got trains and trams and cars

You might have to walk all the way though

Your friends will all make fun of you

And you’ll just laugh along because you know

That neither of those fuckers have no dough

Pupu Chan, I can promise you

That by the time this week gets through

Your wallet will be bursting with euros

You won’t be morose

Hey there Pupu Chan

You be good and don’t play Akon

Two more days and you’ll have cheese and bacon

While I’ll be making Maggi like I do

You’ll know it’s all because of you

You can send me some of your money too

Hey there Pupu Chan here’s to you

And your gal-pals too

Oh, it’s what you do to me

It’s what you do to me

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

2009-04-10T19:22:00.006+05:30

I would have published this one with the rest of the guys, but it was ready, and I already had a special request. So here goes… a special edition.

C 130 : Varun Jain

about the pic : angrez chale gaye, VJ ko chhod gaye kheti karne.

Popular nicknames: VJ, Ganja, Takla, Makhau, ROTLU, All other similar short derogatory words

Quotable Quotes:

Yaar baaki sab to theek tha, maths makh gaya.

Aakhir kheench-taan ke main kisaan ban hi gaya (this, if you ask me, is the saddest statement ever)

Main sutta chhod raha hoon.

Kitna rota hai be!!! (This is what everyone says about him)

Note : [pls do take note of the hyperlink at the end of this para] When I finally started thinking about writing this one (after repeated requests from some very special people), he tried a lot to convince me to write a lot of nice things about him. (read really fast) Shall I? Nai!!!

So here is VJ. When he was a little kid, he liked to eat paper. One day, he ate a whole dictionary-cum-thesaurus. Ever since that day, he keeps puking those words all around. You will get a feel of what it is like once you read his blog. Read any article (barring a few exceptions), and I-shit-you-not, you will feel as if you have just been smacked in the face with a 4000 page deluxe hard-bound edition of the oxford dictionary.

First some good points about him, since he has requested me so much. But in his style.

VJ is a humid, pre-possessing homo-sapien with a full-sized aortic pump. He is not only a great comrade, but also a magnanimous aficionado of existence. He is furthermore blessed with a remarkable sense of hilarity, wittiness and absurdity. Notwithstanding his hairline which is locked in an unswerving cliffhanger of a competition with the ozone layer in terms of recession and depletion, he takes all jokes pertaining to the same with an incredible tang. He also is a tuneful songster, an endowed author and a factual admirer of gorgeousness and splendor in everything surrounding him(This last sentence is supposed to send an alarm to some people).

He has really gone on to prove that quitting smoking is not at all difficult. As a matter of fact, he himself has done it thousands of times. He is now used in cigarette quitting classes all over the world – as an example of what can become of you if you don’t quit. A typical week in his life goes like this:

Monday : Main aaj se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Monday Night: Rao Sutta de yaar.

Tuesday night: Ye mera aakhiri hai. Iske baad kabhi nahin.

Wednesday: Maine kab bola aakhiri tha?

Thursday: Bas saala. Ab chhod diya.

Half an hour later: Abey kisi ke paas sutta hai kya?

Saturday (1 week and countless cigarettes later): Main next week se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Note: You can replace “sutta chhodna” with “gym jaana” and it will be as true. Kabhi nahin jaata kisaan kahin ka. Its actually good that he is not in a dual degree course, otherwise he’sdhave become a fat chain smoker in his 5^th year. Plus, students in Agricultural and Food Engineering Department – I don’t think they even get MTech Stipend... just a pair of bullocks and half an acre of land in Waste Bin-gal.

On a personal note, many of us used to doubt his heterosexuality when we first met him. Our doubts were only strengthened when he became the person to have kissed the most number of seniors during our ragging. That his ass looked like a pendulum swaying with angular amplitude of 45 degrees didn’t help either. However, thanks to some recent developments in his life, we have finally been made to believe that he is not a total gay. Now we are stuck between Straight and Bi.

Jaate jaate ek aur PJ. VJ ko zyada thand kyon lagti hai?

Ans. (read really fast once again) Shawl-hi-nai.

Dekho Maa Stud Aaya

2009-02-18T16:00:00.010+05:30

Note: Everything written below is completely made-up and utterly bullshit. Tambay is a wonderful guy, who is really spoilt for choice right now. I could write this article because I know he will take this in good humour, and I expect the same from everyone else (Though something tells me Tapas is gonna be a name of the past after this post... Tambay's gonna kill me)

Acknowledgements: TGWTT and pingu da for coming up with the idea along with me, and TGWTT again for valuable inputs. Also, Nishad for proof reading. And Tambay for being Tambay. And last but not the least, JHIMLI DEVI KI JAI!!!

The name's Shreesh. Chaitanya Shreesh. Tambay Chaitanya Shreesh. Or Chaitanya Shreesh Tambay. Permutations. Combinations. Doesn't really matter.

What really matters is that we all know Tambay. We know he is an absolute stud... an endangered species, if Rahul Jaimini is to be believed. And he keeps proving this every now and then. Be it getting selected in two of the best companies for internship, then kicking ITC in the balls, only to get back for ITC campus interview and being one of the only two people to have cleared it, then becoming the "Probable state topper" in CAT, he keeps having his moments. But there are some ultimate, 'Dekho maa stud aaya' moments that even take him by surprise.

One of such moments was when a lady named Jhimli Mukherjee Panday, apparently smitten with Tambay, decided to make him a national hero by printing his 'misquoted' interview- one dripping with awesomeness- in TOI. Now, he is diligently preparing and appearing for IIM interviews. This makes one wonder: if he now decides to join the IIMs instead of ITC, what would the next interview be like? Here's my guess

(Note- all the puns are completely intended):

IITian ditches ITC, Chooses IIM

14 Apr 2009, 0441 hrs IST, Jhimli Mukherjee Pandey, TNN

Kolkata: In this phase of recession, when IITians are getting rejected by jobs which they earlier didn't even use to consider, the probable state topper in this year's CAT, who also happens to be having a job offer with corporate giant ITC, says he likes the toll and nightouts of the IIM better. In all probability, Chaitanya Tambay of IIT Kharagpur would join an IIM, though he has already received desperate requests from ITC to join in.

The Nagpur boy has just completed four gruelling years at IIT Kharagpur and feels all this hard work should not go down the drain as ITC would offer him an associate managerial profile and a meager pay package of around 12 LPA that would be far below his dignity, self-respect; and above all, his capability. Chaitanya has always been a bright scholar at the mechanical engineering department of IIT Kharagpur and has just bagged a management seat through IIM interviews and is looking forward to joining them soon.

"If I join ITC, then after a few months of training, I would be in charge of production in a factory where I will be expected to remove the petty hurdles at the production level by using my technical knowledge : something which other lesser mortals from my college are also allowed to do. And I might be made to work at a cigarette factory, and I hate cigarettes - so much so that I have actually resolved to burn them all, one-by-one (note from author - :D ). If I take this job over IIM, I will have to subordinate people who would be my superiors just because they passed out before me, which is stupid because they are no match for me. I am not willing to do that at any point in my life." says Chaitanya.

Son of an electrical engineer, who also teaches at NIT, Nagpur, Chaitanya always dreamt of ultimately becoming the owner of a big industry. "I still cherish that dream. For two whole weeks during my seventh semester, I slogged like a mad horse to crack CAT and show them what I've got. Why should I let all this hard work go? At this stage, my aim is to learn more rather than to start earning right now. I would much rather wait now, and earn a lot more two years down the line" he said.

But isn't it a big risk, leaving such a reputed job in the current job-scene? "Look, my dear Jhimli; You have to learn to look at the bigger picture. I always do that. And the truth is that - I don't always want to keep working just like all my friends, like that fatass Tapas and that crapbag Vaibhhav. One day, I want to be the owner of a firm like ITC. And the person on top is never an engineer. He's usually a manager, and always a leader. That is what I am going to become."

Interestingly, TOI had published a report last year on how the state spends about Rs 16 lakhs to train each student at the IITs and how it goes down the drain because most engineers choose to become MBAs then. But Tambay has an irrefutable reply to that, "I will pay those Rs.16 Lakhs back (With interest) to the Goverment of Waste Bengal. Its going to be short change. Believe me."

But why did Chaitanya appear for the ITC interview then? "I always tell people that I needed the job that time. But actually, I just wanted to piss my batchmates off. I wanted to tell them that I can do everything they can, and do it better. That is why I appeared for the internship interviews for both HUL and ITC, cleared both, left ITC, and now again, I took the job that everyone is dying for, and I'll leave it. Just like that. That's what I do, Jhimli.", He says with a wink, and a mischievous smile dancing on his lips.

But I want to know what the real reason is. So I prod him again, and this time, on a more serious note, he says "I never told this to anyone, even not to the losers who I pretend to be friends with. But since its you Jhimli, I'll tell you noting but the truth.I hate cigarettes. Whenever I see someone smoking, something inside me dies, along with their lungs. So I will keep doing this to ITC until and unless they realize their mistakes and stop manufacturing cigarettes." Says the man with the Midas touch. With this, he smiles contently, as he gazes profoundly into the mirror in front of him. And we can understand why - because with him in front, one can see the image of India's future in the mirror.

:(

2009-01-15T16:55:00.000+05:30

तमन्ना फिर मचल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ
ये मौसम ही बदल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ...

ये दुनिया भर के झगडे, घर के किस्से, काम की बातें
बला हर एक टल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ

नहीं मिलते हो तुम, तो सब यहाँ हमदर्द हैं मेरे
ज़माना मुझसे जल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ

मुझे ग़म है कि मैंने ज़िन्दगी में कुछ नहीं पाया
ये ग़म दिल से निकल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ...

तमन्ना फिर मचल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ......

MEIKAPisms : OMFG!!!

2008-10-18T09:59:00.000+05:30

Professors: they are a strange species. Everyone loves to hate them. Studying in a college where almost nobody gives a shit to what the profs are saying (except for the case of the few good profs who make sense / a few even lesser number of "teacher's pets"), we still discuss them very fondly because many of them are amazing characters.

I agree that a lot of them are atrocious, and to prevent my ears from their ungodly torture, I make all possible efforts not to attend these classes. Call it pusillanimity on my part or just another excuse to miss lectures... I don't give a crocodile's arse. But there was one subject which I was compelled to attend. The classes of an utterly drab and boring subject like Industrial Pollution Control (sounds boring too) suddenly became a must-go. All due to Prof B.C. Meikap.

If you even for a split second thought that the reason behind this is his teaching prowess, slap yourself right now.

The reason why we try not to miss Prof. Bheem Charan Meikap (and believe me, he is the scrawniest person you are even gonna see), is his language. He apparently hails from a small village in Orissa, which is very clear from the strong Oriya accent in his tone; and speaks with a extremely bad grammar and pronunciation. He even takes research scholars from the same area, and within 2 years, they start speaking as amazing english as he does. Right from the first lecture, I got hooked and diligently started noting his quotes down.

When the better of the two professors taking this course, Prof. Sudarshan Neogi, said while explaining about the need of not thinking only about the cost in an industrial process, "If your motive is only the cost, the door of your business will be shut.", I had a hint of how the course was gonna be like. But after listening to Prof. B.C.M., Prof. Neogi just seems like a modern day Shakespearre. Here are some of Prof Meikap's amazing quotes. Sit back and enjoy.

Note: I have changed the spellings of some words to give you an idea of his pronunciations.

{When told be a student he couldn't see what was written on the board} I am shorry. Are you unable to she (see) due to my obstacle?
Do as I tell and there will be absolutely problem.
Shit down here.
After the FILLUPing of the form is obhar (over), pleaj to shaabmit.
You can also derive this equation from yourself.
(notice the use of pronouns) If that is there, then this will happen.
(temperature decreases with height) Aj you go up, ice will get.
By naturewise, ........
(When asked for a break between lectures) Break you would like to take? (Wow that rhymes)
Show you she (So you see)
Let me to she (let me see)
Stability of the piloom (plume) is men-son (mentioned)
Apply the law of energy conversion (and I grew up thinking it was conservation of energy. How dumb of me!)
(encouraging students to raise their hands high and confidently) (Yes, we are still supposed to "raise" our hands when a question is asked in the class) Raise your hand. Big Hand. If your are conphident you should raise your big hand.
You can go and physically she (see) the plant.
You go to shentral library from your computer online (online account checking facility)
On-bon Car-bon (This is what unburnt carbon sounded like)
If gas is black, people will complain OK this plant ij caujing pollution.
You can measure the pollutant level by online also.
(He uses all the prepositions except the appropriate one. I have heard him say from your own, by your own, with your own, IN your own. In short, everything except on your own)
I am handing out this sheet. All of you make it jerox.
That adjustment you have to do a little error (Still not sure what it meant)
Ij the terminology ij ok phor you?
It ij very negligible- of 9 metres wide.
99% of it will be catch hold (Caught hold of was what he meant)
Make the shy-lens (Silence)
Ij it under-ishtand-a-bull (Understandable)
Notice the abjorb-a-son (absorption) of ash-o-two (SO2 or sulphur dioxide) and the Q-she-she (QCC) of the liquid.
You look the problem. Salai repeat? (Shall I repeat)

And the best one

30. (Looking at a girl and asking while teaching about ash content) Saapoj (suppose) you have 40 kg of ass (ash). Can you phind out the percentage ass content?

Despite of all this, I wasn't thinking of blogging about this. I started to give it a thought when I went to collect a problem statement from a research scholar working under him (who, by the way, is at the same level of communication skills by now). I was just gonna decide against writing the post when this guy caught me staring somewhere blankly. The next thing that he said was, "Aeee what are you doing? Put your eye contact here."

Twelve hours after that happened, I am ready with this post.

P.S. All the readers are requested to pitch in with their favorite professors quotes in the comments section. And my dear chem-dep junta, please add up any Meikapisms that I might have missed.

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

2008-06-10T16:20:00.000+05:30

C 134 : Anshuman Tiwari

Popular nicknames: Tiwari, Anshu

Quotable Quotes:
Chalo be charne!!! (usually akele hi jaata hai, Which is the reason why i chose the pic of a solitary donkey grazing.)
Chalo be _____ maar ke aate hain. (fill up the blank with lunch/dinner/snacks/breakfast/tea etc)

Before I start with the usual Tiwari bashing, which is a ritual practised by the whole wing now, not just as a passtime but almost as a profession; I would like to state some ground facts about him. This guy is a totally kickass person whom you can rely upon anytime. He is a very simple guy, far removed from the kameenapan that people seem to indulge so fondly into. A fun-loving person, he takes up all the lame jokes made on him with a smile, and usually has the last word.

He is a completely changed person though, when in company of any member of the fairer sex, very adapting to their ways (my version) / a little effeminate (junta version). As a result, he has a large female following, and is hugely consulted by girls for advice about all things testosterone for the real skinny (well, advice about guy matters for gals).

Now I will start with my quota of tiwari bashing, as he is, after all, a very important constituent of the wing: the Punchbag.

Tiwari is treated as the Nuck Chorris of the wing, i.e., a Chuck Norris gone badly and wilfully spoonered. All the derogatory things can be proverbially done by Tiwari. e.g.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Tiwari's computer. Tiwari is always out of control.
Tiwari can see everyone. If you can not see him, he might be stuck in the girl's toilet of the institute building.
Tiwari sends himself e-cards on his birthday. He always acts surprised upon receiving them.
Tiwari ki Modi bhi le leta hai.

And as for the girl in your life, there there, Tiwari. We will find you a new one. In fact, I already found one for you. Tu jab bhi bolega, ye tere saath charne chalegi, khushi khushi. Bol, Ahsaan maanta hai???

C 133: B. Ajit Teja

Popular Nicknames: Teja, Khabya (God knows why), Tejito Mahamara

Quotable quotes

M*****c*** hum C*****e hain?
ITC ne ek bhi manufacturing waale ko nahin liya yaar.
HUL ne kaat diya bhai.
Reliance waalon ne gajjab beijjati ki hai bhai.
Saala koi meri branch ko branch maanne ko taiyyar hi kyon nahin hai?

This is Teja. The SSM of LLR Hall of Residence. I think he is the one among all of who has undergone the biggest transition during his stay in KGP. 2 saal mein hi poltu ho gaya saala!!!

Teja is so skinny that the international bureau of standards uses his side pose as the definition of a straight line (zero thickness). He also has the dubious distinction of being Ramu's favorite student.He always finds ways to keep him busy, and has an awesome hall tempo. Har jagah pe tempo dikha dikha ke kabhi kabhi apni hi maar leta hai.

Also, don't ever trust him as an alarm.You can trust him with your money, though. Your money will be safe with him. Forever. Even from you. So if you decide to loan him some money, look at the note as if it is the last time you are ever gonna get to see it, and then forget it was ever with you. Thinking about it/asking for it is only gonna be met with shameless smiles.

Btw, he will ask you to call him Ajit Khabya (He claims this is his real name. These SSMs are crazy). Don't listen to him. Once a Teja, ever a Teja.

C 132: Rahul Jaimini (Bundelkhand ki Jaan) (And hence the pic of a bundelkhandi kisaan with white hair)

Popular nicknames: Dada, Jaimini

Quotable quotes

Shivpuri se panga mat lo.
Chhaliya chhaliya chhaliya (used by him as an effective retaliation against any kind of argument, often accompanied by vulgar hip movements)
Subramanyam tell him!!!

He lives life on his own terms. The only problem is: his terms keep changing. Today he will have a nasty fight with you because you express your desire to do your Ph.D. from a foreign univ, and the very next day you find him standing in the line for visa form. He has seen a lot in his life, including hairfall and hair whitening. He is the only one amongst us who can say "ye baal maine dhoop mein safed nahin kiye hain", and mean every word of it. He has a lot of talent in a plethora of fields. I wish he'd start to use it. Iski aur luunga to muhje chhodega nahin... colgate ke members ko comments mein iski maarne ka khulla nimantran hai.

C 131: Avi Jain

Popular nicknames: Gora suar, gulaabo, jain saahab

Here is the only person in the wing who can carry off a pink t-shirt and a hello kitty backpack with ease. Actually, I think this might complete his look. He already has many of those qualities: a fairness level matches only by lux models, blonde hair (well, almost) and if you believe dada, he's got the whole package (well, well). Even in dramatics, he usually is offered with female roles (being a cute guy in a guy's hostel can be tricky). And on the rare occasions when he is actually offered a guy's role, the dialogues play cruel jokes with him (e.g.: I have raised a python upon my breast :P )

But he is pretty headstrong (Pretty and headstrong is apt too) and extremely hardworking, and I think he will go places in his life. Bas ek baat. bandi pata le yaar... logon ka shak khatm ho jaayega :)
Rest assured, one of the very few nice people left in this world.

Ab bas 5 bache... :)

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING ... continued

2008-04-10T18:22:00.000+05:30

BEST READ IN INTERNET EXPLORER (due to the transliterated section)

C 138: Akash Agarwal

Popular Nicknames: Halu

Quotable Quotes:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (That’s what it sounds like. What it actually is, is YAWWWWNNNN)

Before you start reading, I want you all to notice the pics of an artiste's impression of Akash's present and future.

A very sweet, affable and highly animated person- His facial expressions for the mildest conditions can put Rajnikanth to shame. He is also a tech God and a highly dedicated and sentimentally attached robotix head. Above all he is a very nice and caring friend.

And you know what I like the best about him? He is a verzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz snores snores grunt zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(alright… let me explain what happened here. I was thinking what to write about him… and I tried to put myself into his shoes to understand what I must write. As soon as I got into Akash mode, the inevitable happened. I slept. My wingies shall understand)
zzzzzzzzzzz kharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

(Help me here people. When he sleeps, I usually rely on a swift kick on his butt to wake him up. Now how the hell do I kick my own butt? Anatomically impossible. Please wake me up people…)

C 137: Deepak Abraham Cherian

Popular Nickname: DC

Quotable quotes:

Awekassam Baap!!!

Abey what does ______ (any hindi word worth its salt) mean?

It means _______ (any English word which is not what the corresponsing hindi word means) na???

(Back when he had a goatee and long hair as shown in the pic) I look like an out of job pimp. (Notice the difference before and after the transition in the pics)

दीपक चेरियन इस wing का एक अत्यन्त ही प्रतिभाशाली (talented) और प्रिय (dear) नमूना (sample) है. संगीत (music) के मामले में इसकी गिनती अत्यन्त (extremely) ही गुणी (virtuoso) वादकों (players) में की जाती है. यह जब अंग्रेजी बोलना या लिखना आरंभ (start) करता है तो ऐसा लगता है मानो शब्दकोष (dictionary) चबा कर के जुगाली (ruminate) कर रहा हो. यह हमारे साथ रहना आया था तब हिन्दी भाषा में इसकी जानकारी नगण्य (negligible) थी परन्तु अब एक अद्भुत (amazing) प्रेरणा (inspiration) के चलते यह बालक हिन्दी में ही बोलता, सुनता, खाता-पीता और चलता है. हिन्दी संगीत भी सुनता है, हिन्दी चल-चित्र (movies) देखता है। एक दिन उडी में आ के बेचारा गीतांजलि पढने भी बैठा था. 4 lines में ही यह समझ गया की अभी ऐसे दिन नहीं आए हैं. इसके प्रयास के चलते मैंने सोचा कि इसके लिए मैं भी हिन्दी में ही लिखूँ.

If there does exist a balance in nature and the universe, some Pandit Trivedi's son named Dinanath Hariprasad Eknath Sadashiv Onkar Trivedi (fictitious) in Haridwar is singing on the banks of river Ganga listening to Megadeth, reading Ayn Rand while everyone else around him is trying to figure out what went wrong.

P।S. Beware of him, he is the one who used to oil his beard, christened it (him, he objects strongly) Johnny and used to talk to it (him).

C 136: Pratik Mehta

Popular Nicknames: Dadi, Mehta

Quotable quotes:

Abey eastern Groups mein kat gaya!!! (after eastern groups)

Abey Drams mein kat gaya. (after the result)

Abey apna kat gaya. (after the elections)

Abey phir kat gaya!!! (After western groups)

Kitna Katega??? (During GC)

Ab nahin kat sakta. Muhahahaha!!! (After the end of GC)

Saala lagta hai history mein apne hall ke sabse kam points mere hi tenure mein aaye hain.

Pre-text : I could not think of any pic for him. So here is a pic of an anime dadi (manipuri bhi ho sakti hai).

Meet Pratik Mehta. The Gsec Soc-&-Cult (Akhandal suggested otherwise) of our batch. Others have a fatherly figure in their lives, but our wing is blessed with a grandmotherly figure. He is the GAWD of eating out… Kahin ke liye bhi company chahiye,dadi se puuchho. A very helping and caring person. Koi bhi beemaar ho, BC Roy yehi le ke jaata hai. He is also a sucker for animes. I don't think he even checks if it is actually anime. If he sees that kind of animation, characters and languages, he downloads and watches the series without even thinking twice. I sometimes feel that if he does some research on what he has watched, he will find out that half of what he saw were term assignments of Manipur and Sikkim based animation institutes.

He is also a person whose musical prowess is out of question. He displayed his awesome talent and sense of music (hehehehe) when he sang a legendary Nirvana song in the fresher’s event. Seniors understood that he can do anything (huihuihui) when It comes to music. The hall needed a drummer that time, so he started learning drums. Very soon he started playing faster than the one who taught him. Recently he played for Dream Theater in the absence of Mike Portnoy. Hahahahaha.

He started learning, and then stopped practicing. If he doesn’t start again soon enough, I am gonna kick his ass. Period.

C 136: Anikh ‘Ban Kar duunga’ Thakur

Popular nicknames: Thakur

Quotable quotes:

You have been kicked out.

Mujhe chhote kutton se dar lagta hai. Lagta hai jhool jaayenge apne daaton ke sahaare.

Dhachad Dhachad Dhachad. (I shudder to remember the reference)

Tapas, main Daruu maar liya huun. Ab main bakwaas karuunga. Tu baad mein meri lena nahin in sab baaton pe.

The remaining ones are not suitable to be shared on a public website which might be read by under-aged kids and adventurous eager perverts.

Now here is a character with some character. “Aadmi ki zubaan patthar pe lakeer hoti hai” is one proverb which he takes very seriously in life. Even if he has said something rubbish, he will defend it at any cost. An extremely headstrong, well read and outspoken guy, he makes it pretty difficult for any stranger to like him. But once you get close enough to him, you will discover what an awesome person he is.

I have always said that if the choice in hand is being on his side or being on the other side, then I am thankful to god for being his friend.

One more thing… he is an extremely fun-loving and food loving person. And handsome too… I tried to make him realize this a lot, but then came his views about girls and relationships. And I understood that he is better off with us.

Keep checking this space for more updates… 8 down, 9 to go.

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING

2008-04-08T17:24:00.000+05:30

COLGATE: I owe this one to you.

And people: well, here is your chance to know this wing (why someone would want something like that is still something to wonder, though) and the resident evil, toilet to toilet (end to end).

C 142: Mayank Bhagat

Popular nicknames: Maggu, Lucky (ye waala sirf naam hi hai)

Quotable Quotes:

Abey main psych ho raha huun!!!

Our beloved Maggu… weighs a few ounces and most of that mass is comprised by his brain (And also by his teeth and hair). He is the kind of person who needs clothes not only to cover his body but also to keep him on the ground in the presence of a strong breeze. Though he spends most of his time cooped up in his room with his P.C., books, books and more books, he too has his bright moments (You don’t believe me? Whole of COLGATE remembers his Saawariya movie review.). He also gets very nervous and tensed whenever someone tells him about him long impending stay in Delhi and/or Chandigarh.

Although he dives into his sea of books like a squirrel with a nut at the slightest possible provocation, the whole wing admires him for his hard work and the sheer audacity with which he endures Rao and his songs day in and day out.

P.S. Ishwar iski aur Avi ki Jodi salaamat rakhe.

C 141: R. Abhishek Rao

Popular nicknames: Rao, Shekhu, Rahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Quotable quotes:

Peeeeeeeaaaaaaace hai beyyyyyyyyy…….

Rao. Calling his name out loud thrice can make even insomniacs sleep- such is the laid back air that this guy manages to bring in with him. He is one of those unlucky superbrains who do not give a heck about it. In fact, there is only one thing/person who is capable of bringing those wrinkles on his forehead, and she doesn’t leave any opportunity to do so. God bless her!!!

The wing is also divided over his musical prowess. Though he is no professional, but there are people like me who think that he is India’s answer to Kurt Cobain. Due to his unwillingness to move his butt, he is the butt of many jokes in the wing, but he is an awesome person in general and a great company.

Also notice that his initials are R.A.R. which makes a rao fart a RARified gas.

C 140: Nishad Kenkre

Popular nicknames: Nish, Kenkre, Stud, Bachcha, Dhokhebaaz, Gaddar (and all the synonyms)

Quotable quotes:

Abey phone mein balance hai kya? (earlier)

Main tikka ja raha huun. (now)

Kuchh Godgiri hai be!!! (always)

Tu sahi bola tha Tapas! (Universal truth)

Meet Mr. Nishad Vishwas Kenkre (or Kenkre Nishad Vishwas, or as per his NCC badge, Nishad Kenicre). This guy is good in academics, an awesome vocalist, a dedicated Kshitij head, a Gymkhana VP candidate (sigh!!!), an athlete, a good communicator…. And what not!!!

He used to be the stud mascot in the wing (“Tu to absolute stud hai bhai, tere saamne main 0.1stud bhi nahin huun.” : Rahul Jaimini to Nishad). Everything was going fine, until one day he developed a liking for sweet tea. The liking turned into an addiction, and soon enough tea was the only thing that occupied his mind. Our wing finally lost a great person and friend to tea. We miss you very much, Kenkre da. Subuk Subuk.

P.S. Good luck for the future J

C 139: Totally Anomic Pompous ASs Since He Settled In Vich (which) Ascertains & Totally Assures Valediction (Join the capital letters, or just don’t care.)

Popular nicknames: Sapat

Quotable Quotes:

Eiffel Tower.

He gave up his extremely lucrative career in Gemini Circus and embarked upon the whole IIT bandwagon. He moved to KGP for the same on 20^th July, 2008. Geological reports confirm that this was the day when the earth’s center of gravity moved significantly towards west Bengal. He still makes a lot of money working for a lot of personality development classes: As an example of a bad personality.

He loves music a lot. He once said that if he’s left in a desert with an I-Pod and a charger and a power point, he’d die without a complain. That was the day when his friends like Nishad Kenkre and Akash Agarwal started to collect funds to buy him an I-Pod and a flight ticket to Sahara desert. He is really thankful to have such friends.

This guy really used to be into sports until one day, some people on the basketball court tried to throw him into the basket after not finding anything else resembling a ball. So now he is really scared of all the ball games. These days, he is really getting into sumo wrestling. Let’s see how far this goes.

REMAINING WINGIES IN THE COMING ARTICLES

पगली

2008-03-04T20:45:00.000+05:30

Note: best viewed in internet explorer.
Written after listening to a friend's feelings for a girl.

वो लड़की जब अपने हाथों की मेहँदी को दिखलाती है
वो हंसी जो उसके होंठों से आंखों तक फैली जाती है
और चेहरे पे उसके आती है हया की सुर्खी सी रंगत
तब मैं मन में अपनी किस्मत से शिकवे कराने लगता हूँ

जब वो लड़ती है और मेरे रुकने की जिद कर जाती है
और फिर मुझको बेचैन देख कर मन ही मन मुस्काती है
फिर दांतों के कोने से जब आँचल को सीने लगती है
उसका ये रूप न जाने क्यों आंखों में भरने लगता हूँ

यूँ तो भोली है, पगली है, सीधी और अनजान है वो,
ऐसे में पर लगता है क्यों की शायद मेरी जान है वो
उसकी मेहँदी में क्यों अपना ही नाम दिखाई देता है
क्यों उसकी हर एक बात को ही मैं प्यार समझने लगता हूँ

क्या बात है दिल में क्या जानूँ, क्यों सोच में पड़ने लगता हूँ
अब तो अक्सर उस से क्या, अपने आप से डरने लगता हूँ
अब जब चुभती है बात वही, या दर्द से मरने लगता हूँ
तब चाँद से बातें करता हूँ और रात से लड़ने लगता हूँ
तब चाँद से बातें करता हूँ और रात से लड़ने लगता हूँ

A usual conversation between TNNNG and TGWTT

2008-01-05T15:13:00.000+05:30

Yours truly tnnng (the no-(no non-sense) guy) and his very dear friend tgwtt (the guy who typed this) are, and everyone who knows both of us is bound to agree, two of the craziest people in this crazy town(?). Over time, we have completely lost our ability to have a sane conversation. And when we chat 4 hours before an examination which is bound to screw us both, things really start to get weird. Here is a piece of our chat, just hours before the last exam in the end semesters of our 5th sem.

Note: tgwtt is quite well versed with french, while all i know about is the eiffel tower (which is not called that by the french anyway, Prabhu tells me)

tnnng: yaad mat dila

srsly

how screwed up chats have we had

tgwtt: :| u asking ME?!

10:33 AM tnnng: i forgot the exclamation marks

tgwtt: oh..

tnnng: how screwed up chats we have had!!!

tgwtt: anwyay.. i think i should shut down compu for 3 hrs now..

tnnng: i cant

have to read up on html

tgwtt: last 3 hrs...going by the fact that i have wasted tooo much time!

yo!

tnnng: because you guys turned out to be dhokhebaaz

tgwtt: stud da

wtf?

10:34 AM tnnng: you were supposed to teach me

tgwtt: :|

10:35 AMtnnng: tries to remind tgwtt of his duties

tgwtt: no duties, i don't want these!! how about gals?

10:36 AM tnnng: reminds tgwtt of his geographical location and the sex ratio therein

tgwtt: dont remind me of the sex ratio

according to statistics, midnapore has the highest in bengal

10:37 AM tnnng: quotes some unknown bastard and says, "Facts don't cease to exist even if they are ignored"

10:38 AM tgwtt: quotes himself, since he isn't as well read as tnnng, " throw facts out of the window if they dont pertain to reality"

10:39 AM tnnng: shows an unusually straight middle finger and despises tgwtt for indirectly making fun of tnnng
also reminds him that according to his school teacher's lingo, you throw the window out of the facts and not the the other way round

10:40 AM tgwtt: is perplexed as usual... but realises that linux users follow tnnng's school teacher's philosophy (this is supposed to be a pj on the whole linux versus windows thingy).

10:41 AM tnnng: feigns ignorance about linux or for that matter any OS, and thereby claims that tgwtt is a ishtud... also asks about the whereabouts of bhabhi.

10:42 AM tgwtt: realises that tnnng is being a bigger saidist than himself and feels threatened... decides to end the discussion and curl up in a corner

10:43 AM tnnng: comes to a realisation that he is about to flunk today's exam, hence implores tgwtt in the name of god to stop this healthy discussion regarding out joblessness and pitiable condition.
also suggests a serving or two of mushroom chicken for dinner.

our***

10:44 AM tnnng: is thinking about flunking the exam and saying, "man can i pass now!!!"

10:45 AM tgwtt: figuratively smacks tnnng in the noggin

tnnng: the answer is no

tnnng: bids adieu

tgwtt: bids adieu +1

tnnng: wishes good luck and good riddance for the exam

10:46 AM tgwtt: tries to act sophisticated by saying 'toi aussi' (you too)

10:47 AM tnnng: is once again hurt for being reminded of his ignorance... slowly and painfully mutters eiffel tower , curls up in a corner and weeps silently.

10:48 AM tgwtt: literally smacks tnnng's eiffel tower and says, g'day

10:49 AM tnnng: still weeping, wishes tgwtt back just for the sake of courtesy

10:50 AM tgwtt: the cold bastard that he is, decides that he shalt not weep, and wishes tnnng all the best

tgwtt: says final good bye before 1400 hrs

tnnng: reminds tgwtt that he has to remind tnnng about his icard

10:51 AM but he remembers so no need, over and out

so no need***

tgwtt: utters an incoherent expleteive to the effect of 'holy fuck!'

tgwtt apologises for frgetting to keep a reminder...

10:52 AM tnnng: over and out

HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Sorry for sharing my weird life with you and your welcome if anyone who was intending to commit suicide decides to live realizing that there are people with sadder lives than self. We take no responsibility of anyone who loses his mental stablity after reading this, though. Interested readers may ask for more such chats. The ones who come to like this chat are advised to see a shrink.

My Life

2007-11-03T22:57:00.000+05:30

When I was fifteen and she was fourteen...

Living in complete ignorance of where we had been...

I didn't know her and she didn't know me

And I didn't know if someone such I was gonna see

Day-dreaming about the nights to be spent dreamily

Dreaming in nights about the days to come

Living under the shade of a bubble around me

Life was so jolly, life was so much fun

The last innocent kiss to my mom

The last time when I messed up a song

The last time when I felt really safe

The last few years of me to be chaff...

Now I am twenty one, she is twenty...

And I am getting spent in life's tough grind

I have promises to keep and thresholds to cross

Yet she remains the only thing on my mind

I seek an end to this state of mind

I really want my feelings for her to dampen

Yet all I have is this gut wrenching pain

Of realizing that this is never going to happen

The last time I felt that love can never hurt

The last days of lighting up on seeing her face

The last hopes of having a life well spent

The last hopes of ever winning this long race

One day, I will be thirty five and she still twenty five (Do they ever age?)

Both of us grown up, no more chances of being naive

The friendship we had, she will, I hope, hold dear

But the contact will dwindle to one mail a year

She will be happy, even I won’t be sad

But will always think of everything we could have had

I will probably be living in a state of compromise

Or will still be waiting for her with empty eyes

The last battles between hope and despair

The last attempts of building castles in the air

The last hopes setting with each burning sunrise

The never-ending wish to see my happiness in her eyes

Years will pass, and one day I will die

If I’m lucky enough, she’ll show up and probably cry

Thinking of my strong friendship and of the joys I could never have

Not knowing of the happiness I treasured, which my love gave

She would never guess someone spent his life waiting for her

Or that someone had his Eden just by thinking of her

I wish I could tell her now, but thankfully I can’t

Her memories are good enough for me, she’d better have whomever she’ll want

THE LAST SONG OF A MAN TURNED OLD
THE LAST FUME OF A BREATHE GONE COLD
THE LAST LAUGH OF HAPPINESS GONE RIFE
THE PERFECT END TO THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE...

Birthday Wishes

2007-08-12T02:48:00.000+05:30

Dear Anshi...

Almost five months have passed after your demise. All this time has helped me to realize what a great healer time really is. I still smile, crack P.J.s, my behavior still is incessantly idiotic; just like I did all those years which have now passed. But sometimes, I can't understand how I didn't lose my sense of humour, which i expected i would. Still, life moves on. It pains some times though.

I still feel a terrible amount of pain whenever I see that last letter, whenever I imagine your pain, and whenever my mind registers that you could have still been alive had luck been favoring you . I still feel bad that even today, our common friends are just concerned if I did that because I felt "that" way for you, and when they refuse to believe me when I say that I just did it for a very dear friend, just for old times' sake. I don't care anymore. Because I am now just content with the fact that my feelings for you were really pure, and you knew that anyway.

Anyway, this is your birthday. You would have been 20 today. So congrats. My gift is that with this post, I complete all your last wishes. I was so waiting for this day to come... writing this post relieves me off a humungous burden. The only one remaining is that nobody gets to see your last letter except me, and I shall take care of that.

There is another gift that I shall be presenting you with... through those 100-odd orphans at the orphanage. And I know I'd be able to see a small proportion of the joy, that I had because of your friendship, in their eyes.

I have been compelled to write about some topics, which I'd have otherwise kept private, because of your last wish. And this is the end of it. I will never write about you on this blog anymore, but I am quite sure that no matter whatever I say, write or sing throughout my life, it will have a part of Anshita Sharma in it. Because it is friends like you who complete even such highly imperfect and good-for-nothing guys like me. And you shall continue to do that forever. You will be a part of my memory, and no amount of time can take this away.

And lastly, I have now understood the meaning of a sentence that you once said. I didn't think it was such a marvelous and true thought when you first told me, but now, I totally agree with you and thank you for teaching me one of the most important lessons that I am ever going to learn in my entire life..

You were correct.

It is not important to stay together, It's just important to be together.

Love,
Tapas.

Hail The Food Gods!!!

2007-07-13T01:42:00.001+05:30

I had seen this in enough prisoner movies. The prisoners were kept locked in dark prison cells without even a ray of light. And when they were let out in the sun or shown any kind of light, they screamed. They screamed as if concentrated hydrochloric acid was being sprinkled upon their bare bodies. This happened because the body had forgotten that something called light even exists, and hence could not take so much of it.

Now, if you replace the human body with taste buds, the dark cell with the restaurants and mess in the KGP campus and the light with good food, you will get a fair idea of how I responded when I had my first meal in Mumbai. What I ate that day was nothing exotic or fancy, it was just a chicken burger at McDonald's, but my taste buds just refused to accept that something like that is not extinct.

This is the thing about Mumbai. I have not seen another city with such a competitive food industry in my entire life. The rivalry is so strong that is makes all the restaurant owner's try to be one step ahead of others, be it in quantity, quality or service. Even small restaurants near my brother's place serve awesome food at very reasonable price. Be it the McD burger or the lemon sizzler chicken at sheisha or the chicken 65 at public restaurant (near CST) or even the butter chicken at a small restaurant nearby, I have enjoyed everything so far like anything.

All my mumbaikar friends actually had told me similar things but I had to see this for myself before believing. Another thing that they had told me was about the gals in Mumbai. You may call it another instance of the sour-grape theory being proven correct, but I really do not agree so much with them in this case. True, There are a lot of girls moving around, which in itself is a shocking and rather scary site for any KGPian (If you don't understand why, read the first paragraph and then replace the prisoner with a regular KGPian and light with girls), and I agree that many of them are hot, but most of them try to look hotter than they actually are, and the artificiality just takes away the charm.

Still, I agree that the girls seem really considerate and good by nature. There have been no instances of a girl puking on seeing me. There were even no "What's that walking thing?" or "Are they allowed in here?" or "Look, Look, a basketball with feet" , so I was really feeling confident that I was doing considerably better around girls this time. I thought that maybe this is because I kept hiding in my bro's friend group, but later on something happened that made me realise that I was actually doing well. I was roaming in a mall alone, while a group of girls passed by me. I noticed a really cute looking one among them, and as she went, i noticed that she did not even 'eew' or 'yuck' at me. I think she was flirting with me :)

(Here I need to make one thing very clear. Some days ago, I was talking to a girl when she said, "You always keep making fun of the way you look. Do you have some huge complex about being overweight?". Well, for the records, the answer is 'No'. It's just my nature to make fun of myself. If I was so concerned about my weight, I'd be working days and nights to make myself slim. But I know for a fact that a major part of human brain is made up of fats. If I go on a diet or an exercise regime, I might burn the fats constituting those parts of my brain which store all the knowledge that I have gained in my life (ok, that sums up to my gmail and blogger passwords). If I forget that, I might be in a pickle. So I think it's better to stay how I am. Right?)

MUMBAI TRIP : THE JOURNEY...

2007-07-13T01:32:00.000+05:30

It was the 5th of june... I had to leave for Mumbai. I was very enthusiastic about everything... meeting my brother, his friends, the places, the food. The only thing that made me feel like not going was the journey.

I hate journies... specially long, boring train journies where the co-passengers are all old, talkative, pessimistic and carrying atleast 2 howling babies each. And so, following the most accurate law of nature (the Murphy's law), I find myself in the middle of such situations more often than not.

Anyway, getting back to the topic...

They say that a good beginning is half the job done. Well if that is so, and if the converse holds good enough, the journey made it pretty damn sure that this trip was half ruined anyway. KGP was almost flooded, it was raining like I have never seen another time in KGP. I reached the station fully wet. To my horror (yes, horror is the word), the train reached KGP railway station just ten minutes late. I was too shocked even to be happy. As I arranged my luggage under the seat, I felt proud of the progress Indian railway service has made. Kudos to Lalu Prasad Yadav and the the whole planning commision and the staff. Hats Off. Mind-Boggling. Incredible. Way to go, guys!

My adjectives were just about to run out of stock, when the announcer (not the female sweet recorded voice, but the male hoarse yelling noise, that too in bengali) announced, "Due to technical problems, 2860 Up Geetanjali Express is going to stay on the station for about 3 more hours."

I hated these guys. Sick bastards. Morons. Idiots. These guys should be killed by continuously being poked at with chop-sticks. And above all, I hated myself for being so insanely optimistic (It's not as if I did not hate myself before that. I started hating myself the very first day I felt that I could understand bengali fairly well.). My optimism shown here was almost equivalent to, if not more than, believing that the male-female ratio in IIT Kharagpur will reach 1:1 by the end of next year. (I can already imagine Pappu aka Tattu aka Bhairav's aka....ummmm..... (enough of actual names, now thinking of a nickname)... ummmm...... Vaibhhav Sinha's expression when he reads this statement)

Anyway, the rest of the journey was equally bad. I reached Mumbai in about 40 hours (I was supposed to reach in 30). The food was bad, the weather worse, the company worst. One of them was a person who was either very want-driven, or had something wrong with his english, but he always spoke in english, was always in an interrogative mode and involved the word 'Want' in every sentence. As soon as I sat beside him, his first question was, "You want to get this berth alloted to you?". I informed him that it already was, to which his reply was, "I wanted to ask precisely that." Then he unleashed his fury upon everyone coming his way. He even asked the pantry guy what he WANTED to serve us for the dinner. The only nice moment in this series arrived when he asked a married guy sitting with his wife and a kid, "How long ago did you want to get married?" while actually trying to ask how long they had been married. The husband's silent expression that helplessly said, "Never" is one that I can never forget.

Bad as the journey was, it taught me quite a few things about life. It reminded me that there is something called an auto-halu mode which should be practised from time to time. It totally changed my choice for colours. I waited so desperately for the green light that day, that it has become my favourite colour ever since. My best dream just show a green light flashing in the dark, and my worst nightmares show all the persons, places and things painted red. Most importantly, it taught me that the age-old saying, "Something is better than nothing" is not a universal truth. To justify my statement, my argument is that i distinctly remember having eaten something at the nashik railway station. That something led to some other things and soon I discovered that I had to spend a lot of time trying to drop some totally different things in the train loo, all the time having to look at the modern abstract art comparable to M.F.Hussain's work made by the extremely talented boarders who just wanted some timepass in the toilet, while the moving train kept rocking me back and forth, hence making the job at hand far more difficult. (Those who think that this stuff is too gross to be put on a blog, pls ask yourself honestly if you have not felt similarly at some point of time). And all that time, all that I thought was, "I WISH I HAD EATEN NOTHING AT THE STATION." In other words, nothing was better than something...

The Dubbing Fiasco

2007-05-30T20:30:00.000+05:30

Fact 1 : India has emerged as a major market for major film producers all over the world.
Fact 2 : For 'Convenience' of the common Indian movie-going audience, these movies are either dubbed in hindi or subtitles are made.

KAHAANI MEIN TWIST : The dubbing artistes are *******s.

End result : We end up proving once again that an investment of $200 million can be wasted in a single go with a 'Made in India' tag.

I am just thankful that they didn't change The Lord of the Rings to 'angoothiyon ka devta' or 'Terminator' to something like "Waatlagaaaoo'. But other flicks like Tomb Raider (Sherni Number 1), True lies (Safed Jhooth), Dunston Checks In (Ek bandar hotel ke andar) and A Bridge to Terabethia (Jaadui Nagri Terabethia) could not escape. The subtitles were equally bad. I distinctly remember a sequence from Home Alone:1. There were nine kids in the house and the eldest girl was given the task of counting them up while going for a trip. After she counts, the dialogue goes something like this:

Father : Judie, did you count them all?
Judie (frustrated) : Five Boys, four girls and a pigeon on the peach tree.

The subtitles were:
Father : Judie, kya tumne sabhi ko gina?
Judie : 5 ladke, 4 ladkiyaan aur naashpati ke ped par ek bater.

This sort of kills the whole fun (although I agree that it brings in a new kinda fun). This has been extended to another degree now. Providing english subtitles to hindi songs, and thats even worse. I recently saw the video of the jagjit singh ghazal from the movie Jogger's Park. If you haven't heard the song, here's the link to the lyrics http://www.indiafm.com/lyrics/song/31543/index.html

Have a look at the hindi sub-titles.

The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love... - 2
Beat slowly, Oh! My heart, -2
It's a journey of love....
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

Nobody should hear this tale, Ah! I am so scared... -2
But what shall I gain of it? -2
It's a journey of love..
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

It's not easy to tell, hiding it is also difficult -2
Oh my God! How difficult -2
Is this journey of love...
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

Ohhhhh...
The lights of heart have spread, please do come! Oh Darling!
Please do come!........... Oh Darling!
Highly worth being loved -2
Is this journey of love...

Funny? Then picture this last translation. What if the sub-titles guys decide to extend their efforts to rock songs.
Nobody can tell, and I was curious. So I came up with this translation of the timeless classic 'Time' by Pink Floyd. Here's the original lyrics http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/pink+floyd/time_20108616.html

My translation

Tiktikaate hue, wo pal jo ek pakaauu din banaate hain...
Aap hilte hue apna waqt faaltu tareeke se bitaate hain
laat maarte hue ek zameen ke tukde par apne grihnagar mein
intezaar karte hain kisi vyakti ya vastu ka raaste dikhaane ke liye

dhoop mein pade pade thake hue, aur baarish ke liye ghar ruke hue
tum ho jawaan aur zindagi hai badi, abhi hai waqt maarne ke liye
aur ek din tumhe pata chalta hai, 10 saal tumhaare peechhe chale gaye
kisi ne tumhe nahin kaha kab daudna hai, tum shuruaati bandook chhor gaye

aur tum daudte ho, daudte ho suraj ko pakadne par wo duub raha hai
aur tumhaare peechhe waapis aane ke liye daud raha hai
suuraj to wahi hai ek tareeke se magar tu budha chuka hai
saans phool chuki hai aur maut ke ek din aur kareeb aa chuka hai

har saal chhota hota ja raha hai, kabhi waqt milta dikhta nahin
sujhaav jo ya to shunya hote hain ya aadha panna godi hui panktiyon ke
khaamosh bechaini mein latakte rehna to angreji tareeka hai,
samay chala gaya, gaana bhi khatm, shayad mere paas kuchh aur tha kehne ke liye...

Think About It.

The Adventures of Gillu, the Giant Flying Squirrel

2007-05-19T02:03:00.000+05:30

Another joint venture by the guy who typed this and the no-(no non-sense) guy

Nothing has biological origins... its easier to assume (assume= make an ass of you and me) that things have their origins in this little black bag which Hall and Knight had come to love so much, and we had come to hate... random selections which by their own constructs of pseudo realities try to decide how intelligent they are...

This time however, the origins are much more complicated... because this time the origin is hinged on the concept of symmetry... Good/Evil, Yin/Yang, Baskin Robbins/coolfi... You see, sometime in the previous decade there was the birth of SF..and to take you through with the mathematics of this theory, i present the man who gave the hypothesis himself... Tapas

" Let us assume that S and F are 2 nXn invertible matrices.
for convenience, the following function indicates inverse, with the argument in the parenthesis..

inv(F)= F^-1

Then, it follows that, inv(SF) = inv(F)*inv(S)

Now, since Gillu(the flying squirrel, who is 8 metres tall and weighs a mere 1031 Kgs) hangs up-side down, from a banyan tree,

inv(F)*inv(S) = FS [Flying Squirrel]

Since he is one of a kind, and is our friend, we call him Gillu.
(Now for those who ask, "Why a male?", well, as it turns out, he was found in a boys hostel loo, so he's gotta be male)
To continue with our deprivation...oops i mean derivation

SF is also short for SpringFest., the name of the soc-cult fest in this institute, and despite the mathematical inverse relationship between the SF and the FS, they co-existed in harmony...
All was well, till SF invited the 'Band of Gays' to play in SF, and after they did a sound check for an hour and lip-synced their horrible songs, the FS decided that this transgression of basic human sense will not go unpunished. It was, after all, the guardian of all good sense in the institute. It ran around the nstitute, stomping on the heads of all the Core Team members and at 8 metres and 1031 kilos, even Bhati didn't stand a chance...
The legend of FS continued...as can be seen in this manuscript which was found deep in the archives of the great libraries of gmail...

tgwtt : The Guy Who Typed This.
tnnng: The no-(no non-sense) guy.

tgwtt: ***** was murdered by the flying squirrel of LLR hall
tnnng:squirrels are very peaceful and harmonious creatures
1:05 AM
tgwtt:he was minding his own business, when a scream of exasperation from a resident of a nearby hall made the resident flying squirrel go wild
tnnng: there is but one loophole in this lame and fucked up theory
tgwtt:the squirrel attacked ***** in the loo, before he could wash it, and stomped on him
1:06 AM
tnnng: ***** is in a hall called Azad hall of residence
tgwtt:since it was 8 metres tall and weighed 1031 kilos, there was no chance the guy could survive
tnnng: and so the squirrel tried to find the guy who had made it go wild
tgwtt: The flying squirrel has the powers of teleportation for those who didn't know
1:07 AM
tnnng: then ***** shat green all over his pantsbut it was too late!
even his godly CV could not save the great *****
ok dude, now here's a bargain
tgwtt:shat green, and the stench drove the FS away
tnnng: lets introduce a new angle and kill kartik prabhu instead
tgwtt: prabhu is god, he is immortal by definition
1:09 AM
tnnng: but he doesn't believe in the concept of god, and that lack of self-belief takes away his immortality!
tgwtt: aah! his own demise...
tnnng: so the FS attacks the self proclaimed atheist god
1:11 AM
tgwtt: but prabhu killed himself..
tnnng: and akash ate FS to have prabhu trapped in his body
tgwtt: FS just stomps on the body
tnnng: FS curry
1:17 AM
tgwtt: now that my friend...is really nuts..
tnnng: exactly
tgwtt: u didnt eat the nuts, u ate what eats the nuts
tnnng: cartman can have kenny trapped in his bodybut akash cant have prabhu?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9 Minutes

1:27 AM

tgwtt: sorry, kahin bahar gaya tha

akash can't have prabhu, compare relative sizes

tnnng: abey yaar!i dont want prabhu goin into bhati!

tgwtt: dark, scary place!!

tnnng: and thats the only match according to size

1:28 AM

if u trust me

This is an actual Chat, any reference to any person, living or otherwise, is clearly intentional, though their deaths as imagined are obviously impossible.

As we can see, Gillu's legend had permeated the thickest of skulls, and Gillu, decided to disappear into obscurity....

This was a difficult task to do, (please check his physical statistics, in case you have no common sense, or suffer from short term memory loss)... So Gillu decided that he would wander the jungles of KGP ( the AgFE dept) after 0230 hrs for 12 years , till the SF guys finally call deep purple and metallica to perform in one of their editions. That shall be the time when the FS will return... but only to headbang with the rest of the audience at TOAT...

The Simple Truth : "Digesting Bhati is a difficult thing to do... but I shall be back!" --Gillu (Glaucomys gigantivolans)

The Teacher Species : Revisited

2007-05-12T22:41:00.000+05:30

Statutory warning : If you hold IIT Kharagpur in high esteem, please stop reading right here.

Data required : 1 Torr = 1 mm mercury pressure = (1/760) atmosphere pressure

I still remember the day when I first entered into the campus of the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur. I had spent 3 whole years thinking day and night about IIT, and once I got admission, I was excited beyond limits - excited about the prospects of the great things that I'd get to do in the largest engineering institute of India. 2 Years have past since then, and I have really enjoyed a lot. But that's not due to the college- it's due to the people (read:weirdos) that you find in this hellhole.

Having met a lot of interesting guys (and some girls too), and many retarded professors; I have discovered that the people on campus can be broadly divided into some categories:-

Chauvinist : Most of the male population.
Desperate : Copy the last point.
Optimist : Electrical engineering students who think the coming sem will be peace.
Pessimist : Insti rank under top 10, 12 inter halls in sports, soc-n-cult and tech... but perenially screwed.
Messachusettist : Guys too interested in higher studies.
Schlumbergerist : Want nothing but a high paying job.
Sadist : Whoever conceptualized TDS.
Satanist : People who suggest TDS should stage another production in the year.
Scientist : Kartik Prabhu, Abhas Saroha, Vaibhhav Sinha....
They-shall-be-hit-by-my-fist : Profs obviously (well most of them... some are really nice... and there are some others for whom my fist is too good).

But some profs are by far the most-impressive nut-cases that I've ever seen. The very first roll call in the class gave me an indication of what i was to see in the coming five years of my stay. Somehow, Tapas became Tapaush, Vinayak Pathak became Bina-Yolk Pathok (Albumin Pathok as I now call him) and (the worst one) Ankit Mantri became Onki Monkey!

I can't name all of them, but I distinctly remember our Electrical technology prof (Professor NKK) in our first year. He had remarkably large front teeth (quite like a beaver) which protruded way out of his mouth whenever he tried to smile. Sadly, this was the only expression his face allowed him. Whether he was angry or sad or disappointed or naughty or joking or talking, he used to open his mouth wide with his teeth threatening to jump out of his mouth and lodging themselves in your neck, quite dracula-like.

Then there was this guy who used to instruct us about shaping in the manufacturing process workshop. He spoke at the rate of exactly 20WPM in a sing-song tone, and it went something like this, "Deesh eesh a cheeshel (chisel). Dere aaaare two typesh of cheeshel- one eesh a flat cheeshel and I forgot dee name of dee other cheeshel. Now deesh eesh a hammor. Doo note pooot the hammor een your mouth ebon by meeshtake. Eespecially eef eet eesh a pin-headed hammor!" And you feel like saying, "Chi... Thanks for telling dude. I'd love to put hammers in my mouth... they are so yummy!!!"

Now moving to the third sem.

Prof DDK's class. He asked a student to explain the behavior of some chemical with incresing humidity. The student tried to elucidate through a chemical bonding approach, and went wrong somewhere. Professor DDK's statement went something like this, "Your answer is wrong. The fact is that you don't know anything and are just trying to make up information. This can be dangerous. Human beings have this tendency to fabricate information which they don't possess, and this precisely is the reason for divorces. Now I know that divorce is a very sad thing, but it becomes very probable if you tend to fabricate things or there is no dowry and the woman doesn't earn. This is why I am pro-dowry. And this is the reason why I would like to marry my daughter to a bihaari instead of a bong- bihaaris have fixed rate. And I shall marry her off real well so that the groom is obliged and can't say anything to my daughter. The only thing that stops me from doing so is that I don't have a daughter- I am not even married. But don't try to fabricate knowledge!!!"

Can you imagine what all can happen to the students when the profs are so confused? I got to witness an excellent example few days back. A debate was being conducted in the college and the topic was 'Indian economy- Prosperity for few or development of all'. A student came to the dias with an air of confidence and started speaking.

"Indian economic policies are not going to yield desirable results at all. It's because it is too theoretical and India is too diverse a place. A communist approach has to be applied, just like it has been done with so much success in many other countries, and in states like west bengal. This eminds me of the marxist states like the Soviet Union. Marx and Angels did a superb job... the Russian revolution was simply a marvel, as was the American revolution. America, which was once a slave nation, gained independence due to the American revolution and now is so rich that is finances projects in IITs where this debate is taking place. And.... (A long pause follows)............. Sorry, I think I have strayed away from the topic. Thank you."

Then there is another prof in the department, famous for her marvellous use of pronouns in place of all the nouns in many sentences and for her quotable quotes in general. Sample these:-

"Now we have these three relations that can be used. Which one of these would you like to favour to prefer?"

"We know that a real gas cannot behave like an ideal gas. But since we have to assume something, let us assume that the real gas behaves ideally."

"It is obviously obvious that the van laar constants are obviously not temperature dependent so it is obvious that there has to be a differential equation which obviously has temperature dependent constants."

"This is a new situation that we have never faced before. Neither of the two approaches that we've studied works independently in this case. So for this situation, we use a mixture of that approach and the other one, and this gives rise to a new method which is this one."

But some profs are really good, and even the others are not completely useless. Atleast they form core entertainment in our lives and blogging material for some jobless people like me. And maybe they are not such bad teachers after all. Maybe it's the pressure of training the brightest minds of the country that does this to them. To sum up the things, here is a simpe truth

SIMPLE TRUTH : "The pressure required to convert a mentor into a TORR-mentor is just the 760th part of atmospheric pressure."

P.S. : If you still didn't understand the not-so-simple simple truth, refer to the data given at the top.

मौसम

2007-04-16T17:20:00.000+05:30

गुज़र चुके हैं वो मौसम

जब पतझड़ में मेरे मन में सतरंगी फूल खिला करते थे,
जब सावन के झूले हँस हँस कर मेरा नाम लिया करते थे,
जब अलसाई धूप के साए में दिल को ठंडक मिल जाती थी,
जब ठंडी हवा की एक छुअन मुझको गरमी दे जाती थी...

जब ख़ुशी की छोटी वजह ढूँढ कर खुद ही खुश हो लेता था,
फिर किसी और का गम देख मासूमियत में रो लेता था,
छोटे बच्चे की उंगली पर संसार दिखायी देता था,
भैय्या के झगडे में भी उनका प्यार दिखायी देता था...

वो दादा का समझाना, बच्चे, जिस दिन तू उठ खड़ा होगा,
मुझे है यकीन, तेरे ही लिए सारा आकाश पड़ा होगा,
वो माँ का चिन्ता में कहना, भोले बच्चे का क्या होगा,
बीमारी में पापा का डर, कि कोई नज़र लगा गया होगा...

एक दोस्त भी थी, सिर गोद में रख के दर्द भुलाया करती थी,
चिन्ता में रहूँ तो बालों में उंगली भी फिराया करती थी,
उस दोस्त से मेरा ये कहना, तू यार कहीँ खो जायेगी,
आज है छोटी, छोटी रह, कल तो तू बड़ी हो जायेगी...

वो दोस्त भी खोया, प्यार भी खोया, सहना भी मज़बूरी है,
भाई है काम में लगा हुआ, माँ-बाप से भी एक दूरी है,
उस वक्त के हर एक पल को छोड़ कर मैं आगे चल पड़ा हूँ,
कल जो चाहत थी आज है डर, कि शायद अब मैं बड़ा हूँ...

आज कि जब क़द में ही नहीं, उम्र में भी बढ चूका हूँ,
कुछ सीढियाँ चढ़नी बाक़ी हैं, कुछ ऐसी हैं जो चढ़ चूका हूँ,
तब लगता है कि काश मैं उस पल में एक जगह बना लेता,
पाने को बहुत कुछ खोया है, जो कुछ खोया है पा लेता...

क्योंकि ऐसा होने के लिए हर गम को पीना पड़ता है,
कभी रो दो तो भी खुद हँस कर किस तरह से जीना पड़ता है,
हर किसी कि बात भी सुननी है, हर चाक-ए-जिगर भी सीना है,
मरने कि वजह नहीं है पर ये जीना भी कोई जीना है?

कहने वाले तो कहते हैं, अब मुझमे वोह जज्बात नहीं,
दीदी भी हँस के कहती है, "तेरी हंसी में अब वो बात नहीं",
सच तो ये है कि कभी कभी जीना बेमानी लगता है,
पानी कि तरह बहे आंसू, अब आंसू भी पानी लगता है...

यारों का साथ ही है अब बस जो आस जगाये रखता है,
मेरे खाली मन में जीने की प्यास जगाये रखता है,
उनसे मिल कर मेरे चहरे पर एक ख़ुशी छा जाती है,
उनके सीने से लगकर दिल को भी ठंडक मिल जाती है...

यूं तो हर दिन मुश्किल है पर मुश्किल पर अब काबू है,
मैं हँसता हूँ तो इसमे भी सबके ही प्यार का जादू है,
अब हर पल आगे बढ़ना है, जो ज़ख्म हैं उनको सीना है,
रो-रो के बहुत मरा कुछ दिन, अब हर पल हँस के जीना है...

2007-01-31T23:09:00.001+05:30

EVERYTHING
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
You hear my heart, with everything you say.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.

Talk to me
Feel my heart
Light my life
Clear the dark
You're the one
who's given me
The joy that I've tried to attain.

You're the one, the one who keeps me living.
You're my strength, you keep me from failing.
You are the colour to my life.
You are my breathe...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You hold me near, and make the pain go away.
Your touch heals, your voice can ease out a life.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
You hear my heart, with everything you say.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.

2006-12-19T16:05:00.000+05:30

FRIENDS: HOW IT ALL STARTED

This post was supposed to be the first one on my blog. But I thought nobody would be interested to read, and hence I posted a crappy poem instead. Surprisingly, even that was appreciated by many people, the reason probably being that they didn't understand the first half and didn't dare to read the second. But like many other times, my dear friend Nishad (who happens to be a stud) has inspired me to do what I otherwise won't. Heck, this is my blog and I'd publish whatever I want to! So this is it guys. This is my tribute to the guys who are my
pillars of support (you've gotta be very strong to be one for me) in KGP. Get to know these guys, they are really great people.

Here is my CORE Group - comprising myself, akash, bond and nishad. We spend most of our time together and there are reasons aplenty for that. Here i go

1. AKASH AGARWAL (alias Halu)

He is the perfect computer freak, stuck in the right place ( IIT) but in the wrong department( metallurgy). Here's one guy who'd be perfectly happy to spend all his waking hours (if any) in front of the computer. I think all he sees in his wet dreams are microprocessors, and his worst nightmare is a system crash. The problem is, this guy knows everything. EVERYTHING!!!
He is a selfless guy. Bond and I have converted his room into a dharamshaala and his computer into a public access terminal, but still he gets worried when Bond doesn't sleep for a night or two, or when I have to sleep on the floor. He's never awake, he either sleeps or hallucinates. Sometimes he gets angry unnecessarily and becomes uncontrollable. But that rarely happens, thanks to his auto-halu mode (what? he's the inventor!). Our friendship had started in an NSS camp held in the middle of nowhere over a plate of hot rasgullas, and we guys (specially I) suffered a lot due to that camp, but I am still thankful that it was held. It gave me a friend for life.

2.KARTIK PRABHU (alias Kat, Bond, Prabhu, Phaedrus, God)

Once, God (the original one) looked down from up above and saw a place
called IIT Kharagpur. Here he saw guys (and only guys, girls are scarce and negligible) living in perfect harmony, which arose out of the knowledge that none were superior or inferior. All were certified intelligent. For once, God decided to do some mischief. So he created a person with a brain and skill-set equivalent to eight normal human beings, and sent him to IIT kharagpur with a name aptly suited (Prabhu). Since then, people have been lookin at him and thinking of drowning themselves in chullu bhar paani. So, he is super intelligent, very sharp, a quick learner, a good sketcher, a great dancer, and only he knows what all he can do. I personally feel that the only thing he doesn't do is playing golf, though if he is provided a read-and-learn golf manual for an hour or so, he can beat Tiger Woods. And I really don't know why he has chosen a dumb, good-for-nothing guy like me to be his friend, but I am all the more grateful for that.
Hey, and one more thing- he's a member of the United Atheist league, the United Atheist Alliance and the Allied Atheist Alliance too. And you can talk to him about anything, and expect a cool advice- that's KAT for me. Ah! If only he wasn't such a pighead!!! Ok, enough about prabhu. I have to write about others too. Just meet him- he's got more.

3. NISHAD KENKRE (alias Kenkre, Nish, Stud, Bachcha)

Here is a guy with superb time-management abilities. He seems to be having around 36 hours in a day. How else can u explain his active participation in so many activities? He's a Kshitij ( our techno-management festival) core team member,an athlete with a body to die for, a great singer, a good writer, a confident debater, a quintessential rapper, qualified JEE at the age of 16 with AIR 623, scores grades with an ease that should be banned... and the list goes on. But he is every bit the simple guy whom everybody likes and loves to be around. He is the one who gives me solace whenever I'm afraid of something. He's got amazing confidence, and he infuses some of it into the being of the ones around him too!!! Whether it be OP, or debate, or ETMS auditions, he has always stood by my side.
When we both first met, neither of us could have thought that we would become such great friends in such a short span of time. But that's what has happened. The 4 of us (me, Akash, Kat and him) spend most of our time together, and I seriously could not ask for a better group!

4. TAPAS SHRIVASTAVA ( alias SAPAT) ( Nishad's view on Tapas)

This is a heartfelt tribute to my dear friend Tapas, the 4th member of this group. He is the owner of this blog and i actually had to force this guy to let me write something on him in his own blog. Here i go in full-fledged filmi isshtyle (geeta pe haath rakh ke kasam and all...)

Tapas is by far the simplest person i have ever met. I have told this to him a hunderd times before, and for the 101st time, lemme say that at first sight he came across to me as very arrogant. But knowing him today, i feel like kicking myself in the ass. He is just the opposite of arrogance.Externally, he has this "shareef guy from a good khandaan" look. When you delve deep inside you will find that he has this uncanny ability to crack jokes on himself. The ease with which he criticizes his own body weight makes me think "how the hell can this guy do it so easily ?". He effortlessly accepts his weaknesses and you won't get to hear one word of self-praise from him. He really respects his family and friends.From him i have learnt that loving your friends is one thing and respecting them is another and he is a master at doing the latter .A hardcore family-guy, he makes me jealous for being this "top-class marriage material".This guy is also the most creative person i have come across.To begin with, he's an awesome singer ( whatever little musical skills i have , all credit to this guy for having inspired me). His writing skills are unparalleled. His write-ups often leave me rolling on the floor with laughter. His poems have the deepest of meanings and he comes up with the most beautiful and touching poetic lines in what seems like nanaoseconds. He cannot hurt anyone even if he tries to. He is your normal IITian who hates books, but when it comes to things that he loves doing, i can say without the least bit of exaggeration that no one can come close to working as hard as he does. He is the "baap" of networking and has the maximum number of friends that a person can possibly have. Finally, he holds our group ( me, bond, akash and himself) together... man i can go on and on ...but to draw to a close, lemme say tht Tapas is a person with a heart of gold and i wouldnt be half the person that i am without him as my friend. Thank you dost.

2006-12-19T14:46:00.000+05:30

My dear friend - I Live For Thee

1. Himanshu Dhiman (Dhiman, Bhopali Jaat)

He is a simpleton- an innocent guy with a golden heart and a very childish nature. He confides in me every time he has something happening in life- whether it is good or bad. I dunno why, but I can understand whatever he is thinking just by loking at his face- that might be the depth of our friendship.

He enjoys the simple things in life- threw a party for getting selected in TDS (sigh!). And hence he manages to remain happy all the time. Here is one guy who very sweetly says TATA! when you are about to depart. And he looks after me. I have the feeling that as long as he is with me, I have nothing to worry about.

2. Apurva Gupta (Cake)

No, he's not a girl, contrary to whatever the spelling of the name suggests. He is actually Apurv. And from the very day of our meeting, he has amused me with his obsession for shiny things and posters. Not a single inch of his room used to be uncovered- he has posters all around.

He is also a talented guy. Robotix sub head, great singer, highly creative, and excels in anything that involves standing on the stage and speaking. He has no stage-fright at all. He is a blunt critic when he thinks you have done something that u could do better. But he always is ready to help u out in every way he can. He laughed and endured me even when me and Ramu were literally not allowing him access to his own computer. He is such a lovely friend to have... and I am really happy that he screwed his JEE... that's why he is a dual degree student. :) Ais Tais...

3. Prateek Varshney (PV, and all the expansions which have P for perverted)

We share the same birthdate, but you'd rarely find twp friends more different than us. He is a very simple person, much like a child who is clueless as to what to do. But he is a lovely person from the inside despite of whatever he does or talks (cant mention it in this space, I wanna keep my blog clean). And he'll assist you in whatever crazy thing you'd ever want to do(who knows it better than me?). But I'd love to be with him and be a part of his weirdness forever. YO PERVO VIRUS!!!

4. Vaibhav Sinha (Pappu, Pups, Tattu, Tats,.... ok enough!)

Pappu is a guy with a supppperb sense of humour. Very seldom will you get to see him talk something that doesn't bring a smile on your face. He is a very nice guy for company whenever you are goin out to eat something, specially chicken. He is a lovely friend whom I've grown close to in this semester. I won't write much... just one thing to conclude- PAPPU I LOVE YOU!!! (and I am straight!!!)

5.Rohan Singh (Ramu Kaka)

MAD MAN! Very high on CQ- this guy can make you tear your hair till you get bald. In first year, ramu, cake and I had a ball of a time, which I can never forget. Baaki iski ek photo dekhiye, sab samajh jaayenge.

6. Abhas Saroha (The kinky school boy)

Had his education in a boys school. Rest is for you to guess...

He is another God of the physics department- with a besetting obsession for anime. The Mr.Know-it-all of linux. Great fun to be with. Baaki pata chalne pe bataaoonga...

2006-10-23T22:07:00.000+05:30

IITians... the PJ Gods

People say IITians are intelligent, geeky, nerdy, bookworms... u add the adjectives.

I think there is nothing called a typical IITian. But if there is something that is the most common among them,
it is the habit of cracking venumous PJ's (poor jokes- anybody who didn't even know the full form is
requested to stop reading-the content can be fatal). IITians learn to crack PJ's within a semester of their stay
here. And those who don't, develop an auto-halu mode(like my dear friend Akash has already done). Even I
couldn't endure PJ's when i first arrived here, but my level increased exponentially in this semster, and now
I am become a name- a name of reverence for other PJ lovers and a highly dreaded one amongst others. Now
I'm almost at par with the PJ Gods of our batch in IIT Kharagpur. Here are some of the PJ's that I remember
(with the crew). Hope you like them.

Characters: Me(Tapas Shrivastava)
Bond(Kartik Prabhu)
Abhas Saroha
Pappu/Tattu(Vaibhav Sinha)
Patrick(Prateek Patodi)
KT(Kaustubh Tripathi- God pf PJ's)
Cake(Apurv Gupta)
Ankit Singh Tawar.
Dash(Shishir Dash- our Hall president)

1. KT(In an electrical technology class):"Hostel is the daughter of tree and ostrich."
Saamanya junta:"How the hell?"
KT:"An ostrich has wings. Hostel also has wings. Ostrich cannot fly despite of having the wings. A hostel also can't. But an ostrich can move.
But a tree cannot move. A hostel also can't move."
2. A group of friends eating at Harry's. One of them was Ankit Tawar.
All of a sudden, he said,"There are a lot of english weights sitting here today."
We scratched our scalp hard, then asked him what he meant.
He replied calmly,"Look guys! What's the unit of weight in british system? Its the pound.
Pound is abbreviated as lb, and as u all can see, there are a lot of love birds sitting here today."

3. Pappu, Abhas and Bond eating at chilles.
Pappu:" The only PROM that I know of is programmable read only memory."

4. Me, Bond, Abhas and Pappu sitting at chilles.
Abhas:"Till yesterday, I didn't even know PV has a blog."
Me:"He has 2... mhollow and mstillhollow. I think the next one to come is 'mihollow?'. "
Pappu:" After that, we'll have a 'doyouthinkiamhollow'."
Abhas:"And then?"
Me:" Ki holo!!!(bangla, dude)"

5. Patrick:" Our instructor has done J2SE, J2EE, Matlab, JSP and xml in class. I know nothing!"
Me:" Even I know about some of these."
Bond:"How?"
Me:"We have a lab on matlab every thursday. And we have a chemical engg course where we keep on using phrases like-
Take xml of KMnO4....."

6. Pappu:"Will a virus remain a virus even after passing through a wormhole?"

7. Me:" I have no right to publish a blog. All of u write much better than me."
Bond:"Don't worry yaar. Hum kitna bhi likh lein, yaad rakhna ki sau sonaar ki aur ek lohaar ki."
Me:"K. I wanna be Iridium-aar then."

8. Whole of the gang eating at billoo's.
I told KT:"U know our G.sec. Technology? His pet dialog is 'I don't give a damn!'."
KT:"He doesn't give a dam(n)? I don't give a hydroelectric power station!!!"

9. My chat with Cake on Gtalk.
Cake: normal types
not bad
ppl r praising
me: bhai main kaunsa teri hburai kar raha hoon
3:48 AM Cake: haan theek hai.. main kaun sa bol raha hoon ki tu meri buraai kar raha hai
3:49 AM me: main to hamesha teri tareef karta hoon
aur aaj toone aisa samajh liya?
patthardil
me: sangdil
:(
Cake: buzdil.. shergil....
me: kargil
3:50 AM Cake: bulla ki jaanaa main kaun
me: fish ke gill
billoo ke bill
himalaya ki hill
chhohe ke bill
Cake: chai ki mill
me: nahin re
aate ki mill
jail ki swill
3:51 AM buddhe ki will
Cake: cancer ki pill
me: baithe reh... bilkul mat hil!!!!!!!!!!
:P
Cake: :(
3:53 AM Cake: nahi nahi abhi nahi abhi karo intzaar
sona hai mujhe... bistar hai bekaraar
pataa hai.. bekaar tha
chhod
me: chup ho ja chamaar
Cake: hehehe
me: maaroonga jote hazaar
Cake: sahi
me: joote*
karoonga aise aise waar
3:54 AM Cake: bas

me: tere pair ho jaayenge bekaar
aur haath ho jaayenge chaar
tu ban sakta hai star
agar mujhse nahin ki war
Cake: ab uch jyada ho hgaya
me: kal ke liye BOL mere yaar!!!!
3:55 AM Cake: ab grahan kijiye raatri kaa namaskaar
me: aur sun lo gaaliyan do-chaar
3:56 AM Cake: chup baith chotte-chamaar
me: insti mein hain na tera event yaar?
near the office of the registrar?
Cake: saalaa pata nahi kya kya hai bolta.. aur leta bhi nahi ek bhi dakaar!
me: us room number mein aata hai 1 aur 4
3:57 AM Cake: tere dimaag mein hai gandagi ka bhandaar
me: woh sab chhor
Cake: duniya mein machaa hai hahakaar
me: tere gaane mein kaun baja raha hai guitar?
3:58 AM bata na yaar?
10. Dash:" Hi Tapas. I heard you had a brain transplant?"
Me:"What?"
Dash:"Yup!"
Me:"Nothing as such. Why?"
Dash:"Somebody told me that you were gonna participate in What's the good word, but you have changed your mind."
11. Dash:"What will spectators say if lord Shiva came to dance in vortex(dance competition)?"
Junta:"Dunno. You tell."
Dash:"Abey yehi bolenge ki kya godly dancer hai!!!"

Okay! Enough now. I, Tapas Shrivastava, hereby declares that I am bored of wasting time. Now I'll go and study........
(FOR THE SLOW ONES OUT OF YOU WHO DIDN'T NOTICE, THIS WAS THE WORST PJ OF ALL THE ONES LISTED ABOVE!!!)

2006-10-13T09:20:00.000+05:30

A CHIRKUT'S ATTEMPTS TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN..

They say that womes are from venus and men are from mars(normal version) / women are from venus and men are from a manhole situated on mars(women's version). Whatever the case, everyone atleast agrees upon two points:-
1. They are supposed to live at a planet's distance from each other, if not more.
2. None of them are supposed to be living on earth.

But this was not the case as we all can see. Male and female homo-sapiens have been living in a state of peaceful [ :P ] co-existence for millenia. And since the beginning, all men have been trying to understand the female of their species but all their efforts have failed miserably. This is so simply because no matter how simple it sounds, it is more difficult than erecting an equal-sized pyramid by the side of the bloody hugest one in Egypt. Infact, there are probably only two things that seem more difficult than this. They are(In increasing order of IMPROBABLILITY OF OCCURENCE):-
1. Earning enough in a lifetime to buy a 5,000 square feet bunglow in mumbai city.
2.Getting the insti diro to improve his accent into a conjecturable one(i bet he won't ever even give the APAAR-E-CHOO-NEE-TEE to anyone).

But everybody makes an attempt(not at the diro thing... anybody wud probably commit suicide rather than trying to understand what he says) to understand girls. Though the initiation step in any research(getting to know the subject well) is damn difficult in this case, because for this, we need to talk to girls. And in most cases(ok, atleast in mine), whenever i decide to talk to a girl and go in front of her, my tongue simply sticks to the dental roof and just refuses to let go. Finally I end up making a noice like I'm retarded or something(some girls have even remarked- poor guy! ). So you see, it's not easy. Hence I have to depend upon other people's knowledge in my thesis(which, in fact, is the case with every other thesis).

And though I know that I've failed in doing this, I've found out that the basic difference is that of outlook. I am listing some examples here:-

* If a girl comes up and talks to a guy, she is plainly interested in exchange of words and innocent conversation.
If a guy goes and talks to a girl, he's flirting.

* If a girl is looking at a guy from the corner of her eyes, she is analysing him/ trying to remember if she recognises him and has met him somewhere.
If a guy looks at a girl through the corner of his eyes, he is staring/ gazing/ eyeballing/ leeching.

* Suppose a girl and a guy are good friends.
While talking, if the guy says I love you(by the way, I think friends are supposed to love each. Isn't it) , he is trying to take the relationship to the next level/ taking undue advantage of the girl's friendship/ misinterpreting her jovial nature/ doesn't deserve to talk to the girl again.
If the girl says so, she loves him as a brother/ she values his friendship/ she is actually in love/ has said so simply out of pity for the guy/ it was just a slip of tongue.

* Suppose a guy and a girl are in love with each other.
If the girl doesn't propose, it's so because a girl is not supposed to do so. If she does, she is courageous/ gutsy/ (add other adjectives)....
If a guy proposes, he is insensitive/ it's not the right time/ it's an initial stage of the relationship. If he doesn't, he's Mr.No-Balls.

*If this guy gives the girl a gift, it is expensive/cheap/ impersonal/ irrelevant/ she simply doesn't like it. If he doesn't he's a cheap-o-saurus and values money more than the girl.
If a girl gives a gift, it's gotta be great. If she doesn't, it ain't the gift that matters, it's her feelings towards him that do.

And since I'm finishing off, the last distinction has to come now.
* Had a girl written this article about boys, it would have been 'a simple attempt by a glorious creation of the almighty to understand another wonderful creation', and the girl would have been 'a sweet female just exercising her right for expression and showing her curiosity over the highly interesting nature of human relations'.

But since I've written it, it is simply an insane good-for-nothing blog, andI'm an insensitive bugger, a disrespectful moron and a chauvinist pig!!!

2006-09-25T22:57:00.000+05:30

YAAD

Phir se sama ne hawa ka aanchal lapeta
Phir se humne khyalon mein kisi ko baahon mein sameta,
Phir se dil ke darwaaze pe di kisi ne dastak,
Phir mere dil ke andar se ek aawaz aayi…..

Phir mere dil mein shayad deedar ki hasrat machal uthi,
Chalta hua yeh pal ruk gaya, rukti si dhadkan chal padi,
Phir se hui dil ko kisi se door hone ki chubhan,
Phir se mere dil mein kisi ki khairiyat ki fariyaad aayi….

Phir meri aankhon ne uski ek jhalak ka intezaar kiya,
Aur mere saaye ne bhi mujhe pehchanne se inkar kiya,
Phir usi imaarat ka khandhar aaya nazron mein meri,
Aur phir se zehen mein ek rishtey ki buniyaad aayi….

Phir baatein kayi man mein aayi, yaadon ne banai tasweerein,
Phir lafz zubaan pe atak gaye, nikle aansoo dheere-dheere,
Ghaavo ki mujhe aadat si thi, ghaavo se koi shikwa bhina tha,
Lekin ghaavo mein yeh tadap uske jaane ke baadaayi…..

Phir raat ho uthi satrangi, phir chamak uthe laakhon taare,
Phir armaano ne li karvat, phir jag uthe sapne saare,
Phir se yeh hosh hue gaayab, phir shayad aaj main bahak gaya,
Shayad phir khud ko bhool gaya, shayad phir uski yaad aayi…..
Shayad phir uski yaad aayi……..