C Ground East: My Beloved BHING ... continued

BEST READ IN INTERNET EXPLORER (due to the transliterated section)

C 138: Akash Agarwal

Popular Nicknames: Halu

Quotable Quotes:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (That’s what it sounds like. What it actually is, is YAWWWWNNNN)

Before you start reading, I want you all to notice the pics of an artiste's impression of Akash's present and future.

A very sweet, affable and highly animated person- His facial expressions for the mildest conditions can put Rajnikanth to shame. He is also a tech God and a highly dedicated and sentimentally attached robotix head. Above all he is a very nice and caring friend.

And you know what I like the best about him? He is a verzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz snores snores grunt zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(alright… let me explain what happened here. I was thinking what to write about him… and I tried to put myself into his shoes to understand what I must write. As soon as I got into Akash mode, the inevitable happened. I slept. My wingies shall understand)
zzzzzzzzzzz kharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

(Help me here people. When he sleeps, I usually rely on a swift kick on his butt to wake him up. Now how the hell do I kick my own butt? Anatomically impossible. Please wake me up people…)

C 137: Deepak Abraham Cherian

Popular Nickname: DC

Quotable quotes:

Awekassam Baap!!!

Abey what does ______ (any hindi word worth its salt) mean?

It means _______ (any English word which is not what the corresponsing hindi word means) na???

(Back when he had a goatee and long hair as shown in the pic) I look like an out of job pimp. (Notice the difference before and after the transition in the pics)

दीपक चेरियन इस wing का एक अत्यन्त ही प्रतिभाशाली (talented) और प्रिय (dear) नमूना (sample) है. संगीत (music) के मामले में इसकी गिनती अत्यन्त (extremely) ही गुणी (virtuoso) वादकों (players) में की जाती है. यह जब अंग्रेजी बोलना या लिखना आरंभ (start) करता है तो ऐसा लगता है मानो शब्दकोष (dictionary) चबा कर के जुगाली (ruminate) कर रहा हो. यह हमारे साथ रहना आया था तब हिन्दी भाषा में इसकी जानकारी नगण्य (negligible) थी परन्तु अब एक अद्भुत (amazing) प्रेरणा (inspiration) के चलते यह बालक हिन्दी में ही बोलता, सुनता, खाता-पीता और चलता है. हिन्दी संगीत भी सुनता है, हिन्दी चल-चित्र (movies) देखता है। एक दिन उडी में आ के बेचारा गीतांजलि पढने भी बैठा था. 4 lines में ही यह समझ गया की अभी ऐसे दिन नहीं आए हैं. इसके प्रयास के चलते मैंने सोचा कि इसके लिए मैं भी हिन्दी में ही लिखूँ.

If there does exist a balance in nature and the universe, some Pandit Trivedi's son named Dinanath Hariprasad Eknath Sadashiv Onkar Trivedi (fictitious) in Haridwar is singing on the banks of river Ganga listening to Megadeth, reading Ayn Rand while everyone else around him is trying to figure out what went wrong.

P।S. Beware of him, he is the one who used to oil his beard, christened it (him, he objects strongly) Johnny and used to talk to it (him).

C 136: Pratik Mehta

Popular Nicknames: Dadi, Mehta

Quotable quotes:

Abey eastern Groups mein kat gaya!!! (after eastern groups)

Abey Drams mein kat gaya. (after the result)

Abey apna kat gaya. (after the elections)

Abey phir kat gaya!!! (After western groups)

Kitna Katega??? (During GC)

Ab nahin kat sakta. Muhahahaha!!! (After the end of GC)

Saala lagta hai history mein apne hall ke sabse kam points mere hi tenure mein aaye hain.

Pre-text : I could not think of any pic for him. So here is a pic of an anime dadi (manipuri bhi ho sakti hai).

Meet Pratik Mehta. The Gsec Soc-&-Cult (Akhandal suggested otherwise) of our batch. Others have a fatherly figure in their lives, but our wing is blessed with a grandmotherly figure. He is the GAWD of eating out… Kahin ke liye bhi company chahiye,dadi se puuchho. A very helping and caring person. Koi bhi beemaar ho, BC Roy yehi le ke jaata hai. He is also a sucker for animes. I don't think he even checks if it is actually anime. If he sees that kind of animation, characters and languages, he downloads and watches the series without even thinking twice. I sometimes feel that if he does some research on what he has watched, he will find out that half of what he saw were term assignments of Manipur and Sikkim based animation institutes.

He is also a person whose musical prowess is out of question. He displayed his awesome talent and sense of music (hehehehe) when he sang a legendary Nirvana song in the fresher’s event. Seniors understood that he can do anything (huihuihui) when It comes to music. The hall needed a drummer that time, so he started learning drums. Very soon he started playing faster than the one who taught him. Recently he played for Dream Theater in the absence of Mike Portnoy. Hahahahaha.

He started learning, and then stopped practicing. If he doesn’t start again soon enough, I am gonna kick his ass. Period.

C 136: Anikh ‘Ban Kar duunga’ Thakur

Popular nicknames: Thakur

Quotable quotes:

You have been kicked out.

Mujhe chhote kutton se dar lagta hai. Lagta hai jhool jaayenge apne daaton ke sahaare.

Dhachad Dhachad Dhachad. (I shudder to remember the reference)

Tapas, main Daruu maar liya huun. Ab main bakwaas karuunga. Tu baad mein meri lena nahin in sab baaton pe.

The remaining ones are not suitable to be shared on a public website which might be read by under-aged kids and adventurous eager perverts.

Now here is a character with some character. “Aadmi ki zubaan patthar pe lakeer hoti hai” is one proverb which he takes very seriously in life. Even if he has said something rubbish, he will defend it at any cost. An extremely headstrong, well read and outspoken guy, he makes it pretty difficult for any stranger to like him. But once you get close enough to him, you will discover what an awesome person he is.

I have always said that if the choice in hand is being on his side or being on the other side, then I am thankful to god for being his friend.

One more thing… he is an extremely fun-loving and food loving person. And handsome too… I tried to make him realize this a lot, but then came his views about girls and relationships. And I understood that he is better off with us.

Keep checking this space for more updates… 8 down, 9 to go.

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING

COLGATE: I owe this one to you.

And people: well, here is your chance to know this wing (why someone would want something like that is still something to wonder, though) and the resident evil, toilet to toilet (end to end).

C 142: Mayank Bhagat

Popular nicknames: Maggu, Lucky (ye waala sirf naam hi hai)

Quotable Quotes:

Abey main psych ho raha huun!!!

Our beloved Maggu… weighs a few ounces and most of that mass is comprised by his brain (And also by his teeth and hair). He is the kind of person who needs clothes not only to cover his body but also to keep him on the ground in the presence of a strong breeze. Though he spends most of his time cooped up in his room with his P.C., books, books and more books, he too has his bright moments (You don’t believe me? Whole of COLGATE remembers his Saawariya movie review.). He also gets very nervous and tensed whenever someone tells him about him long impending stay in Delhi and/or Chandigarh.

Although he dives into his sea of books like a squirrel with a nut at the slightest possible provocation, the whole wing admires him for his hard work and the sheer audacity with which he endures Rao and his songs day in and day out.

P.S. Ishwar iski aur Avi ki Jodi salaamat rakhe.

C 141: R. Abhishek Rao

Popular nicknames: Rao, Shekhu, Rahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Quotable quotes:

Peeeeeeeaaaaaaace hai beyyyyyyyyy…….

Rao. Calling his name out loud thrice can make even insomniacs sleep- such is the laid back air that this guy manages to bring in with him. He is one of those unlucky superbrains who do not give a heck about it. In fact, there is only one thing/person who is capable of bringing those wrinkles on his forehead, and she doesn’t leave any opportunity to do so. God bless her!!!

The wing is also divided over his musical prowess. Though he is no professional, but there are people like me who think that he is India’s answer to Kurt Cobain. Due to his unwillingness to move his butt, he is the butt of many jokes in the wing, but he is an awesome person in general and a great company.

Also notice that his initials are R.A.R. which makes a rao fart a RARified gas.

C 140: Nishad Kenkre

Popular nicknames: Nish, Kenkre, Stud, Bachcha, Dhokhebaaz, Gaddar (and all the synonyms)

Quotable quotes:

Abey phone mein balance hai kya? (earlier)

Main tikka ja raha huun. (now)

Kuchh Godgiri hai be!!! (always)

Tu sahi bola tha Tapas! (Universal truth)

Meet Mr. Nishad Vishwas Kenkre (or Kenkre Nishad Vishwas, or as per his NCC badge, Nishad Kenicre). This guy is good in academics, an awesome vocalist, a dedicated Kshitij head, a Gymkhana VP candidate (sigh!!!), an athlete, a good communicator…. And what not!!!

He used to be the stud mascot in the wing (“Tu to absolute stud hai bhai, tere saamne main 0.1stud bhi nahin huun.” : Rahul Jaimini to Nishad). Everything was going fine, until one day he developed a liking for sweet tea. The liking turned into an addiction, and soon enough tea was the only thing that occupied his mind. Our wing finally lost a great person and friend to tea. We miss you very much, Kenkre da. Subuk Subuk.

P.S. Good luck for the future J

C 139: Totally Anomic Pompous ASs Since He Settled In Vich (which) Ascertains & Totally Assures Valediction (Join the capital letters, or just don’t care.)

Popular nicknames: Sapat

Quotable Quotes:

Eiffel Tower.

He gave up his extremely lucrative career in Gemini Circus and embarked upon the whole IIT bandwagon. He moved to KGP for the same on 20^th July, 2008. Geological reports confirm that this was the day when the earth’s center of gravity moved significantly towards west Bengal. He still makes a lot of money working for a lot of personality development classes: As an example of a bad personality.

He loves music a lot. He once said that if he’s left in a desert with an I-Pod and a charger and a power point, he’d die without a complain. That was the day when his friends like Nishad Kenkre and Akash Agarwal started to collect funds to buy him an I-Pod and a flight ticket to Sahara desert. He is really thankful to have such friends.

This guy really used to be into sports until one day, some people on the basketball court tried to throw him into the basket after not finding anything else resembling a ball. So now he is really scared of all the ball games. These days, he is really getting into sumo wrestling. Let’s see how far this goes.

REMAINING WINGIES IN THE COMING ARTICLES

पगली

Note: best viewed in internet explorer.
Written after listening to a friend's feelings for a girl.

वो लड़की जब अपने हाथों की मेहँदी को दिखलाती है
वो हंसी जो उसके होंठों से आंखों तक फैली जाती है
और चेहरे पे उसके आती है हया की सुर्खी सी रंगत
तब मैं मन में अपनी किस्मत से शिकवे कराने लगता हूँ

जब वो लड़ती है और मेरे रुकने की जिद कर जाती है
और फिर मुझको बेचैन देख कर मन ही मन मुस्काती है
फिर दांतों के कोने से जब आँचल को सीने लगती है
उसका ये रूप न जाने क्यों आंखों में भरने लगता हूँ

यूँ तो भोली है, पगली है, सीधी और अनजान है वो,
ऐसे में पर लगता है क्यों की शायद मेरी जान है वो
उसकी मेहँदी में क्यों अपना ही नाम दिखाई देता है
क्यों उसकी हर एक बात को ही मैं प्यार समझने लगता हूँ

क्या बात है दिल में क्या जानूँ, क्यों सोच में पड़ने लगता हूँ
अब तो अक्सर उस से क्या, अपने आप से डरने लगता हूँ
अब जब चुभती है बात वही, या दर्द से मरने लगता हूँ
तब चाँद से बातें करता हूँ और रात से लड़ने लगता हूँ
तब चाँद से बातें करता हूँ और रात से लड़ने लगता हूँ

A usual conversation between TNNNG and TGWTT

Yours truly tnnng (the no-(no non-sense) guy) and his very dear friend tgwtt (the guy who typed this) are, and everyone who knows both of us is bound to agree, two of the craziest people in this crazy town(?). Over time, we have completely lost our ability to have a sane conversation. And when we chat 4 hours before an examination which is bound to screw us both, things really start to get weird. Here is a piece of our chat, just hours before the last exam in the end semesters of our 5th sem.

Note: tgwtt is quite well versed with french, while all i know about is the eiffel tower (which is not called that by the french anyway, Prabhu tells me)

tnnng: yaad mat dila

srsly

how screwed up chats have we had

tgwtt: :| u asking ME?!

10:33 AM tnnng: i forgot the exclamation marks

tgwtt: oh..

tnnng: how screwed up chats we have had!!!

tgwtt: anwyay.. i think i should shut down compu for 3 hrs now..

tnnng: i cant

have to read up on html

tgwtt: last 3 hrs...going by the fact that i have wasted tooo much time!

yo!

tnnng: because you guys turned out to be dhokhebaaz

tgwtt: stud da

wtf?

10:34 AM tnnng: you were supposed to teach me

tgwtt: :|

10:35 AMtnnng: tries to remind tgwtt of his duties

tgwtt: no duties, i don't want these!! how about gals?

10:36 AM tnnng: reminds tgwtt of his geographical location and the sex ratio therein

tgwtt: dont remind me of the sex ratio

according to statistics, midnapore has the highest in bengal

:|

10:37 AM tnnng: quotes some unknown bastard and says, "Facts don't cease to exist even if they are ignored"

10:38 AM tgwtt: quotes himself, since he isn't as well read as tnnng, " throw facts out of the window if they dont pertain to reality"

10:39 AM tnnng: shows an unusually straight middle finger and despises tgwtt for indirectly making fun of tnnng
also reminds him that according to his school teacher's lingo, you throw the window out of the facts and not the the other way round

10:40 AM tgwtt: is perplexed as usual... but realises that linux users follow tnnng's school teacher's philosophy (this is supposed to be a pj on the whole linux versus windows thingy).

10:41 AM tnnng: feigns ignorance about linux or for that matter any OS, and thereby claims that tgwtt is a ishtud... also asks about the whereabouts of bhabhi.

10:42 AM tgwtt: realises that tnnng is being a bigger saidist than himself and feels threatened... decides to end the discussion and curl up in a corner

10:43 AM tnnng: comes to a realisation that he is about to flunk today's exam, hence implores tgwtt in the name of god to stop this healthy discussion regarding out joblessness and pitiable condition.
also suggests a serving or two of mushroom chicken for dinner.

our***

10:44 AM tnnng: is thinking about flunking the exam and saying, "man can i pass now!!!"

10:45 AM tgwtt: figuratively smacks tnnng in the noggin

tnnng: the answer is no

tnnng: bids adieu

tgwtt: bids adieu +1

tnnng: wishes good luck and good riddance for the exam

10:46 AM tgwtt: tries to act sophisticated by saying 'toi aussi' (you too)

10:47 AM tnnng: is once again hurt for being reminded of his ignorance... slowly and painfully mutters eiffel tower , curls up in a corner and weeps silently.

10:48 AM tgwtt: literally smacks tnnng's eiffel tower and says, g'day

10:49 AM tnnng: still weeping, wishes tgwtt back just for the sake of courtesy

10:50 AM tgwtt: the cold bastard that he is, decides that he shalt not weep, and wishes tnnng all the best

tgwtt: says final good bye before 1400 hrs

tnnng: reminds tgwtt that he has to remind tnnng about his icard

10:51 AM but he remembers so no need, over and out

so no need***

tgwtt: utters an incoherent expleteive to the effect of 'holy fuck!'

tgwtt apologises for frgetting to keep a reminder...

10:52 AM tnnng: over and out

HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Sorry for sharing my weird life with you and your welcome if anyone who was intending to commit suicide decides to live realizing that there are people with sadder lives than self. We take no responsibility of anyone who loses his mental stablity after reading this, though. Interested readers may ask for more such chats. The ones who come to like this chat are advised to see a shrink.

My Life

When I was fifteen and she was fourteen...

Living in complete ignorance of where we had been...

I didn't know her and she didn't know me

And I didn't know if someone such I was gonna see

Day-dreaming about the nights to be spent dreamily

Dreaming in nights about the days to come

Living under the shade of a bubble around me

Life was so jolly, life was so much fun

The last innocent kiss to my mom

The last time when I messed up a song

The last time when I felt really safe

The last few years of me to be chaff...

Now I am twenty one, she is twenty...

And I am getting spent in life's tough grind

I have promises to keep and thresholds to cross

Yet she remains the only thing on my mind

I seek an end to this state of mind

I really want my feelings for her to dampen

Yet all I have is this gut wrenching pain

Of realizing that this is never going to happen

The last time I felt that love can never hurt

The last days of lighting up on seeing her face

The last hopes of having a life well spent

The last hopes of ever winning this long race

One day, I will be thirty five and she still twenty five (Do they ever age?)

Both of us grown up, no more chances of being naive

The friendship we had, she will, I hope, hold dear

But the contact will dwindle to one mail a year

She will be happy, even I won’t be sad

But will always think of everything we could have had

I will probably be living in a state of compromise

Or will still be waiting for her with empty eyes

The last battles between hope and despair

The last attempts of building castles in the air

The last hopes setting with each burning sunrise

The never-ending wish to see my happiness in her eyes

Years will pass, and one day I will die

If I’m lucky enough, she’ll show up and probably cry

Thinking of my strong friendship and of the joys I could never have

Not knowing of the happiness I treasured, which my love gave

She would never guess someone spent his life waiting for her

Or that someone had his Eden just by thinking of her

I wish I could tell her now, but thankfully I can’t

Her memories are good enough for me, she’d better have whomever she’ll want

THE LAST SONG OF A MAN TURNED OLD
THE LAST FUME OF A BREATHE GONE COLD
THE LAST LAUGH OF HAPPINESS GONE RIFE
THE PERFECT END TO THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE...

Birthday Wishes

Dear Anshi...

Almost five months have passed after your demise. All this time has helped me to realize what a great healer time really is. I still smile, crack P.J.s, my behavior still is incessantly idiotic; just like I did all those years which have now passed. But sometimes, I can't understand how I didn't lose my sense of humour, which i expected i would. Still, life moves on. It pains some times though.

I still feel a terrible amount of pain whenever I see that last letter, whenever I imagine your pain, and whenever my mind registers that you could have still been alive had luck been favoring you . I still feel bad that even today, our common friends are just concerned if I did that because I felt "that" way for you, and when they refuse to believe me when I say that I just did it for a very dear friend, just for old times' sake. I don't care anymore. Because I am now just content with the fact that my feelings for you were really pure, and you knew that anyway.

Anyway, this is your birthday. You would have been 20 today. So congrats. My gift is that with this post, I complete all your last wishes. I was so waiting for this day to come... writing this post relieves me off a humungous burden. The only one remaining is that nobody gets to see your last letter except me, and I shall take care of that.

There is another gift that I shall be presenting you with... through those 100-odd orphans at the orphanage. And I know I'd be able to see a small proportion of the joy, that I had because of your friendship, in their eyes.

I have been compelled to write about some topics, which I'd have otherwise kept private, because of your last wish. And this is the end of it. I will never write about you on this blog anymore, but I am quite sure that no matter whatever I say, write or sing throughout my life, it will have a part of Anshita Sharma in it. Because it is friends like you who complete even such highly imperfect and good-for-nothing guys like me. And you shall continue to do that forever. You will be a part of my memory, and no amount of time can take this away.

And lastly, I have now understood the meaning of a sentence that you once said. I didn't think it was such a marvelous and true thought when you first told me, but now, I totally agree with you and thank you for teaching me one of the most important lessons that I am ever going to learn in my entire life..

You were correct.

It is not important to stay together, It's just important to be together.

Love,
Tapas.

Hail The Food Gods!!!

I had seen this in enough prisoner movies. The prisoners were kept locked in dark prison cells without even a ray of light. And when they were let out in the sun or shown any kind of light, they screamed. They screamed as if concentrated hydrochloric acid was being sprinkled upon their bare bodies. This happened because the body had forgotten that something called light even exists, and hence could not take so much of it.

Now, if you replace the human body with taste buds, the dark cell with the restaurants and mess in the KGP campus and the light with good food, you will get a fair idea of how I responded when I had my first meal in Mumbai. What I ate that day was nothing exotic or fancy, it was just a chicken burger at McDonald's, but my taste buds just refused to accept that something like that is not extinct.

This is the thing about Mumbai. I have not seen another city with such a competitive food industry in my entire life. The rivalry is so strong that is makes all the restaurant owner's try to be one step ahead of others, be it in quantity, quality or service. Even small restaurants near my brother's place serve awesome food at very reasonable price. Be it the McD burger or the lemon sizzler chicken at sheisha or the chicken 65 at public restaurant (near CST) or even the butter chicken at a small restaurant nearby, I have enjoyed everything so far like anything.

All my mumbaikar friends actually had told me similar things but I had to see this for myself before believing. Another thing that they had told me was about the gals in Mumbai. You may call it another instance of the sour-grape theory being proven correct, but I really do not agree so much with them in this case. True, There are a lot of girls moving around, which in itself is a shocking and rather scary site for any KGPian (If you don't understand why, read the first paragraph and then replace the prisoner with a regular KGPian and light with girls), and I agree that many of them are hot, but most of them try to look hotter than they actually are, and the artificiality just takes away the charm.

Still, I agree that the girls seem really considerate and good by nature. There have been no instances of a girl puking on seeing me. There were even no "What's that walking thing?" or "Are they allowed in here?" or "Look, Look, a basketball with feet" , so I was really feeling confident that I was doing considerably better around girls this time. I thought that maybe this is because I kept hiding in my bro's friend group, but later on something happened that made me realise that I was actually doing well. I was roaming in a mall alone, while a group of girls passed by me. I noticed a really cute looking one among them, and as she went, i noticed that she did not even 'eew' or 'yuck' at me. I think she was flirting with me :)

(Here I need to make one thing very clear. Some days ago, I was talking to a girl when she said, "You always keep making fun of the way you look. Do you have some huge complex about being overweight?". Well, for the records, the answer is 'No'. It's just my nature to make fun of myself. If I was so concerned about my weight, I'd be working days and nights to make myself slim. But I know for a fact that a major part of human brain is made up of fats. If I go on a diet or an exercise regime, I might burn the fats constituting those parts of my brain which store all the knowledge that I have gained in my life (ok, that sums up to my gmail and blogger passwords). If I forget that, I might be in a pickle. So I think it's better to stay how I am. Right?)

MUMBAI TRIP : THE JOURNEY...

It was the 5th of june... I had to leave for Mumbai. I was very enthusiastic about everything... meeting my brother, his friends, the places, the food. The only thing that made me feel like not going was the journey.

I hate journies... specially long, boring train journies where the co-passengers are all old, talkative, pessimistic and carrying atleast 2 howling babies each. And so, following the most accurate law of nature (the Murphy's law), I find myself in the middle of such situations more often than not.

Anyway, getting back to the topic...

They say that a good beginning is half the job done. Well if that is so, and if the converse holds good enough, the journey made it pretty damn sure that this trip was half ruined anyway. KGP was almost flooded, it was raining like I have never seen another time in KGP. I reached the station fully wet. To my horror (yes, horror is the word), the train reached KGP railway station just ten minutes late. I was too shocked even to be happy. As I arranged my luggage under the seat, I felt proud of the progress Indian railway service has made. Kudos to Lalu Prasad Yadav and the the whole planning commision and the staff. Hats Off. Mind-Boggling. Incredible. Way to go, guys!

My adjectives were just about to run out of stock, when the announcer (not the female sweet recorded voice, but the male hoarse yelling noise, that too in bengali) announced, "Due to technical problems, 2860 Up Geetanjali Express is going to stay on the station for about 3 more hours."

I hated these guys. Sick bastards. Morons. Idiots. These guys should be killed by continuously being poked at with chop-sticks. And above all, I hated myself for being so insanely optimistic (It's not as if I did not hate myself before that. I started hating myself the very first day I felt that I could understand bengali fairly well.). My optimism shown here was almost equivalent to, if not more than, believing that the male-female ratio in IIT Kharagpur will reach 1:1 by the end of next year. (I can already imagine Pappu aka Tattu aka Bhairav's aka....ummmm..... (enough of actual names, now thinking of a nickname)... ummmm...... Vaibhhav Sinha's expression when he reads this statement)

Anyway, the rest of the journey was equally bad. I reached Mumbai in about 40 hours (I was supposed to reach in 30). The food was bad, the weather worse, the company worst. One of them was a person who was either very want-driven, or had something wrong with his english, but he always spoke in english, was always in an interrogative mode and involved the word 'Want' in every sentence. As soon as I sat beside him, his first question was, "You want to get this berth alloted to you?". I informed him that it already was, to which his reply was, "I wanted to ask precisely that." Then he unleashed his fury upon everyone coming his way. He even asked the pantry guy what he WANTED to serve us for the dinner. The only nice moment in this series arrived when he asked a married guy sitting with his wife and a kid, "How long ago did you want to get married?" while actually trying to ask how long they had been married. The husband's silent expression that helplessly said, "Never" is one that I can never forget.

Bad as the journey was, it taught me quite a few things about life. It reminded me that there is something called an auto-halu mode which should be practised from time to time. It totally changed my choice for colours. I waited so desperately for the green light that day, that it has become my favourite colour ever since. My best dream just show a green light flashing in the dark, and my worst nightmares show all the persons, places and things painted red. Most importantly, it taught me that the age-old saying, "Something is better than nothing" is not a universal truth. To justify my statement, my argument is that i distinctly remember having eaten something at the nashik railway station. That something led to some other things and soon I discovered that I had to spend a lot of time trying to drop some totally different things in the train loo, all the time having to look at the modern abstract art comparable to M.F.Hussain's work made by the extremely talented boarders who just wanted some timepass in the toilet, while the moving train kept rocking me back and forth, hence making the job at hand far more difficult. (Those who think that this stuff is too gross to be put on a blog, pls ask yourself honestly if you have not felt similarly at some point of time). And all that time, all that I thought was, "I WISH I HAD EATEN NOTHING AT THE STATION." In other words, nothing was better than something...

The Dubbing Fiasco

Fact 1 : India has emerged as a major market for major film producers all over the world.
Fact 2 : For 'Convenience' of the common Indian movie-going audience, these movies are either dubbed in hindi or subtitles are made.

KAHAANI MEIN TWIST : The dubbing artistes are *******s.

End result : We end up proving once again that an investment of $200 million can be wasted in a single go with a 'Made in India' tag.

I am just thankful that they didn't change The Lord of the Rings to 'angoothiyon ka devta' or 'Terminator' to something like "Waatlagaaaoo'. But other flicks like Tomb Raider (Sherni Number 1), True lies (Safed Jhooth), Dunston Checks In (Ek bandar hotel ke andar) and A Bridge to Terabethia (Jaadui Nagri Terabethia) could not escape. The subtitles were equally bad. I distinctly remember a sequence from Home Alone:1. There were nine kids in the house and the eldest girl was given the task of counting them up while going for a trip. After she counts, the dialogue goes something like this:

Father : Judie, did you count them all?
Judie (frustrated) : Five Boys, four girls and a pigeon on the peach tree.


The subtitles were:
Father : Judie, kya tumne sabhi ko gina?
Judie : 5 ladke, 4 ladkiyaan aur naashpati ke ped par ek bater.

This sort of kills the whole fun (although I agree that it brings in a new kinda fun). This has been extended to another degree now. Providing english subtitles to hindi songs, and thats even worse. I recently saw the video of the jagjit singh ghazal from the movie Jogger's Park. If you haven't heard the song, here's the link to the lyrics http://www.indiafm.com/lyrics/song/31543/index.html

Have a look at the hindi sub-titles.

The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love... - 2
Beat slowly, Oh! My heart, -2
It's a journey of love....
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

Nobody should hear this tale, Ah! I am so scared... -2
But what shall I gain of it? -2
It's a journey of love..
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

It's not easy to tell, hiding it is also difficult -2
Oh my God! How difficult -2
Is this journey of love...
The destination is very delicate,It's a journey of love...

Ohhhhh...
The lights of heart have spread, please do come! Oh Darling!
Please do come!........... Oh Darling!
Highly worth being loved -2
Is this journey of love...

Funny? Then picture this last translation. What if the sub-titles guys decide to extend their efforts to rock songs.
Nobody can tell, and I was curious. So I came up with this translation of the timeless classic 'Time' by Pink Floyd. Here's the original lyrics http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/pink+floyd/time_20108616.html

My translation

Tiktikaate hue, wo pal jo ek pakaauu din banaate hain...
Aap hilte hue apna waqt faaltu tareeke se bitaate hain
laat maarte hue ek zameen ke tukde par apne grihnagar mein
intezaar karte hain kisi vyakti ya vastu ka raaste dikhaane ke liye

dhoop mein pade pade thake hue, aur baarish ke liye ghar ruke hue
tum ho jawaan aur zindagi hai badi, abhi hai waqt maarne ke liye
aur ek din tumhe pata chalta hai, 10 saal tumhaare peechhe chale gaye
kisi ne tumhe nahin kaha kab daudna hai, tum shuruaati bandook chhor gaye

aur tum daudte ho, daudte ho suraj ko pakadne par wo duub raha hai
aur tumhaare peechhe waapis aane ke liye daud raha hai
suuraj to wahi hai ek tareeke se magar tu budha chuka hai
saans phool chuki hai aur maut ke ek din aur kareeb aa chuka hai

har saal chhota hota ja raha hai, kabhi waqt milta dikhta nahin
sujhaav jo ya to shunya hote hain ya aadha panna godi hui panktiyon ke
khaamosh bechaini mein latakte rehna to angreji tareeka hai,
samay chala gaya, gaana bhi khatm, shayad mere paas kuchh aur tha kehne ke liye...

Think About It.

The Adventures of Gillu, the Giant Flying Squirrel

Another joint venture by the guy who typed this and the no-(no non-sense) guy

Nothing has biological origins... its easier to assume (assume= make an ass of you and me) that things have their origins in this little black bag which Hall and Knight had come to love so much, and we had come to hate... random selections which by their own constructs of pseudo realities try to decide how intelligent they are...

This time however, the origins are much more complicated... because this time the origin is hinged on the concept of symmetry... Good/Evil, Yin/Yang, Baskin Robbins/coolfi... You see, sometime in the previous decade there was the birth of SF..and to take you through with the mathematics of this theory, i present the man who gave the hypothesis himself... Tapas

" Let us assume that S and F are 2 nXn invertible matrices.
for convenience, the following function indicates inverse, with the argument in the parenthesis..

inv(F)= F^-1

Then, it follows that, inv(SF) = inv(F)*inv(S)

Now, since Gillu(the flying squirrel, who is 8 metres tall and weighs a mere 1031 Kgs) hangs up-side down, from a banyan tree,

inv(F)*inv(S) = FS [Flying Squirrel]

Since he is one of a kind, and is our friend, we call him Gillu.
(Now for those who ask, "Why a male?", well, as it turns out, he was found in a boys hostel loo, so he's gotta be male)
To continue with our deprivation...oops i mean derivation

SF is also short for SpringFest., the name of the soc-cult fest in this institute, and despite the mathematical inverse relationship between the SF and the FS, they co-existed in harmony...
All was well, till SF invited the 'Band of Gays' to play in SF, and after they did a sound check for an hour and lip-synced their horrible songs, the FS decided that this transgression of basic human sense will not go unpunished. It was, after all, the guardian of all good sense in the institute. It ran around the nstitute, stomping on the heads of all the Core Team members and at 8 metres and 1031 kilos, even Bhati didn't stand a chance...
The legend of FS continued...as can be seen in this manuscript which was found deep in the archives of the great libraries of gmail...

tgwtt : The Guy Who Typed This.
tnnng: The no-(no non-sense) guy.

tgwtt: ***** was murdered by the flying squirrel of LLR hall
tnnng:squirrels are very peaceful and harmonious creatures
1:05 AM
tgwtt:he was minding his own business, when a scream of exasperation from a resident of a nearby hall made the resident flying squirrel go wild
tnnng: there is but one loophole in this lame and fucked up theory
tgwtt:the squirrel attacked ***** in the loo, before he could wash it, and stomped on him
1:06 AM
tnnng: ***** is in a hall called Azad hall of residence
tgwtt:since it was 8 metres tall and weighed 1031 kilos, there was no chance the guy could survive
tnnng: and so the squirrel tried to find the guy who had made it go wild
tgwtt: The flying squirrel has the powers of teleportation for those who didn't know
1:07 AM
tnnng: then ***** shat green all over his pantsbut it was too late!
even his godly CV could not save the great *****
ok dude, now here's a bargain
tgwtt:shat green, and the stench drove the FS away
tnnng: lets introduce a new angle and kill kartik prabhu instead
tgwtt: prabhu is god, he is immortal by definition
1:09 AM
tnnng: but he doesn't believe in the concept of god, and that lack of self-belief takes away his immortality!
tgwtt: aah! his own demise...
tnnng: so the FS attacks the self proclaimed atheist god
1:11 AM
tgwtt: but prabhu killed himself..
tnnng: and akash ate FS to have prabhu trapped in his body
tgwtt: FS just stomps on the body
tnnng: FS curry
1:17 AM
tgwtt: now that my friend...is really nuts..
tnnng: exactly
tgwtt: u didnt eat the nuts, u ate what eats the nuts
tnnng: cartman can have kenny trapped in his bodybut akash cant have prabhu?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9 Minutes

1:27 AM

tgwtt: sorry, kahin bahar gaya tha

akash can't have prabhu, compare relative sizes

tnnng: abey yaar!i dont want prabhu goin into bhati!

tgwtt: dark, scary place!!

tnnng: and thats the only match according to size

1:28 AM

if u trust me

This is an actual Chat, any reference to any person, living or otherwise, is clearly intentional, though their deaths as imagined are obviously impossible.

As we can see, Gillu's legend had permeated the thickest of skulls, and Gillu, decided to disappear into obscurity....

This was a difficult task to do, (please check his physical statistics, in case you have no common sense, or suffer from short term memory loss)... So Gillu decided that he would wander the jungles of KGP ( the AgFE dept) after 0230 hrs for 12 years , till the SF guys finally call deep purple and metallica to perform in one of their editions. That shall be the time when the FS will return... but only to headbang with the rest of the audience at TOAT...

The Simple Truth : "Digesting Bhati is a difficult thing to do... but I shall be back!" --Gillu (Glaucomys gigantivolans)

The Teacher Species : Revisited

Statutory warning : If you hold IIT Kharagpur in high esteem, please stop reading right here.

Data required : 1 Torr = 1 mm mercury pressure = (1/760) atmosphere pressure
I still remember the day when I first entered into the campus of the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur. I had spent 3 whole years thinking day and night about IIT, and once I got admission, I was excited beyond limits - excited about the prospects of the great things that I'd get to do in the largest engineering institute of India. 2 Years have past since then, and I have really enjoyed a lot. But that's not due to the college- it's due to the people (read:weirdos) that you find in this hellhole.

Having met a lot of interesting guys (and some girls too), and many retarded professors; I have discovered that the people on campus can be broadly divided into some categories:-

Chauvinists : Most of the male population.
Desperate : Copy the last point.
Optimists : Electrical engineering students who think the coming sem will be peace.
Pessimists : Insti rank under top 10, 12 inter halls in sports, soc-n-cult and tech... but perenially screwed.
Messachusettists : Guys too interested in higher studies.
Schlumbergerists : Want nothing but a high paying job.
Sadists : Whoever conceptualized TDS.
Satanists : People who suggest TDS should stage another production in the year.
Scientists : Kartik Prabhu, Abhas Saroha, Vaibhhav Sinha....
They-shall-be-hit-by-my-fist : Don't even get me started.

But some profs are by far the most-impressive nut-cases that I've ever seen. The very first roll call in the class gave me an indication of what i was to see in the coming five years of my stay. Somehow, Tapas became Tapaush, Vinayak Pathak became Bina-Yolk Pathok (Albumin Pathok as I now call him) and (the worst one) Ankit Mantri became Onki Monkey!

I can't name all of them, but I distinctly remember our Electrical technology prof (Professor NKK) in our first year. He had remarkably large front teeth (quite like a beaver) which protruded way out of his mouth whenever he tried to smile. Sadly, this was the only expression his face allowed him. Whether he was angry or sad or disappointed or naughty or joking or talking, he used to open his mouth wide with his teeth threatening to jump out of his mouth and lodging themselves in your neck, quite dracula-like.

Then there was this guy who used to instruct us about shaping in the manufacturing process workshop. He spoke at the rate of exactly 20WPM in a sing-song tone, and it went something like this, "Deesh eesh a cheeshel (chisel). Dere aaaare two typesh of cheeshel- one eesh a flat cheeshel and I forgot dee name of dee other cheeshel. Now deesh eesh a hammor. Doo note pooot the hammor een your mouth ebon by meeshtake. Eespecially eef eet eesh a pin-headed hammor!" And you feel like saying, "Chi... Thanks for telling dude. I'd love to put hammers in my mouth... they are so yummy!!!"

Now moving to the third sem.

Prof DDK's class. He asked a student to explain the behavior of some chemical with incresing humidity. The student tried to elucidate through a chemical bonding approach, and went wrong somewhere. Professor DDK's statement went something like this, "Your answer is wrong. The fact is that you don't know anything and are just trying to make up information. This can be dangerous. Human beings have this tendency to fabricate information which they don't possess, and this precisely is the reason for divorces. Now I know that divorce is a very sad thing, but it becomes very probable if you tend to fabricate things or there is no dowry and the woman doesn't earn. This is why I am pro-dowry. And this is the reason why I would like to marry my daughter to a bihaari instead of a bong- bihaaris have fixed rate. And I shall marry her off real well so that the groom is obliged and can't say anything to my daughter. The only thing that stops me from doing so is that I don't have a daughter- I am not even married. But don't try to fabricate knowledge!!!"

Can you imagine what all can happen to the students when the profs are so confused? I got to witness an excellent example few days back. A debate was being conducted in the college and the topic was 'Indian economy- Prosperity for few or development of all'. A student came to the dias with an air of confidence and started speaking.

"Indian economic policies are not going to yield desirable results at all. It's because it is too theoretical and India is too diverse a place. A communist approach has to be applied, just like it has been done with so much success in many other countries, and in states like west bengal. This eminds me of the marxist states like the Soviet Union. Marx and Angels did a superb job... the Russian revolution was simply a marvel, as was the American revolution. America, which was once a slave nation, gained independence due to the American revolution and now is so rich that is finances projects in IITs where this debate is taking place. And.... (A long pause follows)............. Sorry, I think I have strayed away from the topic. Thank you."

Then there is another prof in the department, famous for her marvellous use of pronouns in place of all the nouns in many sentences and for her quotable quotes in general. Sample these:-

"Now we have these three relations that can be used. Which one of these would you like to favour to prefer?"

"We know that a real gas cannot behave like an ideal gas. But since we have to assume something, let us assume that the real gas behaves ideally."

"It is obviously obvious that the van laar constants are obviously not temperature dependent so it is obvious that there has to be a differential equation which obviously has temperature dependent constants."

"This is a new situation that we have never faced before. Neither of the two approaches that we've studied works independently in this case. So for this situation, we use a mixture of that approach and the other one, and this gives rise to a new method which is this one."

But some profs are really good, and even the others are not completely useless. Atleast they form core entertainment in our lives and blogging material for some jobless people like me. And maybe they are not such bad teachers after all. Maybe it's the pressure of training the brightest minds of the country that does this to them. To sum up the things, here is a simpe truth

SIMPLE TRUTH : "The pressure required to convert a mentor into a TORR-mentor is just the 760th part of atmospheric pressure."

P.S. : If you still didn't understand the not-so-simple simple truth, refer to the data given at the top.

मौसम

गुज़र चुके हैं वो मौसम

जब पतझड़ में मेरे मन में सतरंगी फूल खिला करते थे,
जब सावन के झूले हँस हँस कर मेरा नाम लिया करते थे,
जब अलसाई धूप के साए में दिल को ठंडक मिल जाती थी,
जब ठंडी हवा की एक छुअन मुझको गरमी दे जाती थी...

जब ख़ुशी की छोटी वजह ढूँढ कर खुद ही खुश हो लेता था,
फिर किसी और का गम देख मासूमियत में रो लेता था,
छोटे बच्चे की उंगली पर संसार दिखायी देता था,
भैय्या के झगडे में भी उनका प्यार दिखायी देता था...

वो दादा का समझाना, बच्चे, जिस दिन तू उठ खड़ा होगा,
मुझे है यकीन, तेरे ही लिए सारा आकाश पड़ा होगा,
वो माँ का चिन्ता में कहना, भोले बच्चे का क्या होगा,
बीमारी में पापा का डर, कि कोई नज़र लगा गया होगा...

एक दोस्त भी थी, सिर गोद में रख के दर्द भुलाया करती थी,
चिन्ता में रहूँ तो बालों में उंगली भी फिराया करती थी,
उस दोस्त से मेरा ये कहना, तू यार कहीँ खो जायेगी,
आज है छोटी, छोटी रह, कल तो तू बड़ी हो जायेगी...

वो दोस्त भी खोया, प्यार भी खोया, सहना भी मज़बूरी है,
भाई है काम में लगा हुआ, माँ-बाप से भी एक दूरी है,
उस वक्त के हर एक पल को छोड़ कर मैं आगे चल पड़ा हूँ,
कल जो चाहत थी आज है डर, कि शायद अब मैं बड़ा हूँ...

आज कि जब क़द में ही नहीं, उम्र में भी बढ चूका हूँ,
कुछ सीढियाँ चढ़नी बाक़ी हैं, कुछ ऐसी हैं जो चढ़ चूका हूँ,
तब लगता है कि काश मैं उस पल में एक जगह बना लेता,
पाने को बहुत कुछ खोया है, जो कुछ खोया है पा लेता...

क्योंकि ऐसा होने के लिए हर गम को पीना पड़ता है,
कभी रो दो तो भी खुद हँस कर किस तरह से जीना पड़ता है,
हर किसी कि बात भी सुननी है, हर चाक-ए-जिगर भी सीना है,
मरने कि वजह नहीं है पर ये जीना भी कोई जीना है?

कहने वाले तो कहते हैं, अब मुझमे वोह जज्बात नहीं,
दीदी भी हँस के कहती है, "तेरी हंसी में अब वो बात नहीं",
सच तो ये है कि कभी कभी जीना बेमानी लगता है,
पानी कि तरह बहे आंसू, अब आंसू भी पानी लगता है...

यारों का साथ ही है अब बस जो आस जगाये रखता है,
मेरे खाली मन में जीने की प्यास जगाये रखता है,
उनसे मिल कर मेरे चहरे पर एक ख़ुशी छा जाती है,
उनके सीने से लगकर दिल को भी ठंडक मिल जाती है...

यूं तो हर दिन मुश्किल है पर मुश्किल पर अब काबू है,
मैं हँसता हूँ तो इसमे भी सबके ही प्यार का जादू है,
अब हर पल आगे बढ़ना है, जो ज़ख्म हैं उनको सीना है,
रो-रो के बहुत मरा कुछ दिन, अब हर पल हँस के जीना है...