Saturday, October 18, 2008

MEIKAPisms : OMFG!!!

Professors: they are a strange species. Everyone loves to hate them. Studying in a college where almost nobody gives a shit to what the profs are saying (except for the case of the few good profs who make sense / a few even lesser number of "teacher's pets"), we still discuss them very fondly because many of them are amazing characters.

I agree that a lot of them are atrocious, and to prevent my ears from their ungodly torture, I make all possible efforts not to attend these classes. Call it pusillanimity on my part or just another excuse to miss lectures... I don't give a crocodile's arse. But there was one subject which I was compelled to attend. The classes of an utterly drab and boring subject like Industrial Pollution Control (sounds boring too) suddenly became a must-go. All due to Prof B.C. Meikap.

If you even for a split second thought that the reason behind this is his teaching prowess, slap yourself right now.

The reason why we try not to miss Prof. Bheem Charan Meikap (and believe me, he is the scrawniest person you are even gonna see), is his language. He apparently hails from a small village in Orissa, which is very clear from the strong Oriya accent in his tone; and speaks with a extremely bad grammar and pronunciation. He even takes research scholars from the same area, and within 2 years, they start speaking as amazing english as he does. Right from the first lecture, I got hooked and diligently started noting his quotes down.

When the better of the two professors taking this course, Prof. Sudarshan Neogi, said while explaining about the need of not thinking only about the cost in an industrial process, "If your motive is only the cost, the door of your business will be shut.", I had a hint of how the course was gonna be like. But after listening to Prof. B.C.M., Prof. Neogi just seems like a modern day Shakespearre. Here are some of Prof Meikap's amazing quotes. Sit back and enjoy.

Note: I have changed the spellings of some words to give you an idea of his pronunciations.
  1. {When told be a student he couldn't see what was written on the board} I am shorry. Are you unable to she (see) due to my obstacle?
  2. Do as I tell and there will be absolutely problem.
  3. Shit down here.
  4. After the FILLUPing of the form is obhar (over), pleaj to shaabmit.
  5. You can also derive this equation from yourself.
  6. (notice the use of pronouns) If that is there, then this will happen.
  7. (temperature decreases with height) Aj you go up, ice will get.
  8. By naturewise, ........
  9. (When asked for a break between lectures) Break you would like to take? (Wow that rhymes)
  10. Show you she (So you see)
  11. Let me to she (let me see)
  12. Stability of the piloom (plume) is men-son (mentioned)
  13. Apply the law of energy conversion (and I grew up thinking it was conservation of energy. How dumb of me!)
  14. (encouraging students to raise their hands high and confidently) (Yes, we are still supposed to "raise" our hands when a question is asked in the class) Raise your hand. Big Hand. If your are conphident you should raise your big hand.
  15. You can go and physically she (see) the plant.
  16. You go to shentral library from your computer online (online account checking facility)
  17. On-bon Car-bon (This is what unburnt carbon sounded like)
  18. If gas is black, people will complain OK this plant ij caujing pollution.
  19. You can measure the pollutant level by online also.
  20. (He uses all the prepositions except the appropriate one. I have heard him say from your own, by your own, with your own, IN your own. In short, everything except on your own)
  21. I am handing out this sheet. All of you make it jerox.
  22. That adjustment you have to do a little error (Still not sure what it meant)
  23. Ij the terminology ij ok phor you?
  24. It ij very negligible- of 9 metres wide.
  25. 99% of it will be catch hold (Caught hold of was what he meant)
  26. Make the shy-lens (Silence)
  27. Ij it under-ishtand-a-bull (Understandable)
  28. Notice the abjorb-a-son (absorption) of ash-o-two (SO2 or sulphur dioxide) and the Q-she-she (QCC) of the liquid.
  29. You look the problem. Salai repeat? (Shall I repeat)
And the best one

30. (Looking at a girl and asking while teaching about ash content) Saapoj (suppose) you have 40 kg of ass (ash). Can you phind out the percentage ass content?

Despite of all this, I wasn't thinking of blogging about this. I started to give it a thought when I went to collect a problem statement from a research scholar working under him (who, by the way, is at the same level of communication skills by now). I was just gonna decide against writing the post when this guy caught me staring somewhere blankly. The next thing that he said was, "Aeee what are you doing? Put your eye contact here."

Twelve hours after that happened, I am ready with this post.

P.S. All the readers are requested to pitch in with their favorite professors quotes in the comments section. And my dear chem-dep junta, please add up any Meikapisms that I might have missed.