Monday, October 25, 2010

No Compunction

One of the several brainstorming, revolutionary, groundbreaking (as always), and not to mention, incredibly sad conversations that yours truly and the guy who typed this have shared... This one took place on an idiotic Monday night.

My Status on Google read off from the lyrics of some song, which went as follows: “Jeena meraaaa... mushkil hai yaar tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina; Marna mera, mushkil hai yaar tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, te-re binaaa, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere bina, tere binaaa…”

Needless to say, such a thing needs its own blog-discussion.

TGWTT: The guy needs to learn that alliteration is not good in excess and it is more than alliteration, it is repetition

TNNNG: alliteration leads to altercation

TGWTT: though it started with defecation

TNNNG: it ends with defamation

TNNNG: I just prefer to express my expostulation in fact, it's almost an obligation

TGWTT: I get it, and your services need some appreciation

TNNNG: I just hope this would forestall the trend's proliferation

TGWTT: oh, no... not unless we resort to prohibition

TNNNG: but all you guys are busy with procrastination

TGWTT: us? We’re not responsible for such mental infarctions!

TNNNG: you could at least stand up against this humiliation

TNNNG: here I bear the onus of this task even while I’m under probation

TGWTT: I know, I know it wasn't your decision and pretty much against your volition

TNNNG: but now my brain cells are on the verge of decrepitation

TGWTT: better that than rhyming in desperation

TNNNG: but what do I do about my exasperation

TGWTT: hmm, ignoring the lyrics seems to be the best action

TNNNG: definitely the best way to fend off frustration

Though I’d like to keep up my act of remonstration

TGWTT: I agree, there seems to be a sense of retribution

TNNNG: waise we haven't lost our touch, this was a good demonstration

TGWTT: oh yes, we've still got the imagination

TNNNG: now if only you'd join hands against the perpetration

TGWTT: even if our vocabulary is unaffected by our vocation

Oh, I wish I could, and I’d gladly share the incrimination

TNNNG: you can do whatever I can, there certainly ain't no discrimination

TGWTT: but in terms of lyrics, compared to you, I know a meagre fraction

TNNNG: I can handle their department; your company will just amplify my jubilation

TGWTT: so, all you ask for is my participation?

TNNNG: yeah, this activity needs revivification and the practice needs condemnation

TGWTT: so, I am handling which section? Yeah, we need to cause some more irritation

TNNNG: we will divide the roles in the next session

TGWTT: sounds like we're headed towards social abolition

TNNNG: it's either that or eternal damnation

TGWTT: I’d be fine with the former; the latter is a scary notion

TNNNG: that certainly is no prevarication

TGWTT: yea, we can always live up to our reputation.

TNNNG: Now let’s end the discussion and resort to more normal modes of conversation_____ howdy? :P

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Movie Day Disaster

P.S. (What? You can't have a Pre-Script?) - My love for cinema halls in small towns in on a slippery slope.
P.P.S. - Sorry Mr. Sunny Somani, but this is the only narrative style that suited this article. I still can't pull it off as well as you do every time.

Chhindwara. My hometown.
It's a boring sort of a town.
And mine is a boring sort of a colony.
No friends. No work. Nothing to do.

1. Hanging out with mom and helping her figure out why my Aunt seems angry.
2. Taking Dadi out for shopping
3. Helping my cousin with his Math Homework.

I go for none of the above, and choose the invisible option#4.
Gonna watch a movie. Bitchass!!!

Try to find the movies listing.
Realize that the only decent movie amongst the hordes of B-Z grade movies, is The Karate Kid.
Now, I wasn't a great fan of the earlier KK (karate kid) movies. But it was a logical option over Pyaasi jawaani, Khatre ki raat and (gasp) Meri Dhoti Tera Ghaghra.

Decide to go for the 12:30 Show. Big Cinema
Out of the shower at 12:00.
Since no two places in Chhindwara are separated by a distance of more than 3 kms, I decide to wait up and listen to some songs.

I Choose Parikrama.
The Gods Oblige.
I miss the 12:30 show.

3:00 PM. I finally decide to go.
Somehow my brain's not working well.
I jump two red lights on my way.
Offer the parking ticket instead of money to the guy at the ticket counter.
Offer the Movie ticket instead of the money to the guy at the cold-drinks counter.

I go to my seat. The theater is almost empty. I am alone. The movie starts. Won't get bored for 2:30 hours. Woohoo!

I knew that the movie starts with an African-American family moving to China. So a big incentive for me behind watching the movie was that I'd be hearing awesome Chinese and Nigerian-German (shorten for yourself, I don't wanna get my blog reported as racist) accents.

The Gods hear me again.

Movie making is an act of great precision.
Attention to detail is important.
But I realize that it's just as important to be precise while checking the movie listings. Each alphabet makes a difference.

Especially if that one alphabet happens to be an H, enclosed with brackets.

"Ye ladka chhota hai magar yaqeenan Karate kar sakta hai."

Dubbed in Hindi. I'm screwed.

There were no Chinese accents due to the dubbing. And the worst part...
Do you know how they tend to get the African-American guys' dubbing done in a mumbaiya Tapori accent?

I have seen a lot of weird shit in my life, but watching a 10 year old Jaden Smith saying "Tum to Dhaansu fighter ho" and "Main unhe phodna chahta hoon" does strange things to your digestive system in particular and to your will to live in general.

(Sample this. The kid wants to encourage his chick who is practicing a violin piece. The original english dialogue, with a very afro-american swagger, was "I think... you'll be smokin'." What you get to hear, visually aided with those mannerisms, was "Mere khyaal se... Tumhaara jaadu chal jaayega.")

It's okay, I think. Shit happens, I think. And as soon as I brace myself for the hindi dubbing, the Chhindwara crowd decides to play it's part.

The fight begins. Jackie Chan tackles 6 guys at once.
To my horror, people stand up and start clapping, all the while screaming "kya maara hai" and "maar saale ko"
Then the kickass kung-fu music starts. Two kids come up to the screen and start dancing.



The final scene. The coveted kung-fu tournament. Final round. The fabled "Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy." Becomes "Koi daya nahin. Koi darr nahin. Koi rehem nahin."

The pressure's building up. Our braided Jedi fights the Evil Storm Trooper (This kid equalled a storm trooper in terms of facial expressions). Yoda watches on. Evil kid has instructions to swipe the leg.

He jumps.
Turns in the air.
People excited.

The Gods of irony wake up.
Power cut.

Chicks start wondering which nailpolish would look good on the kid.
Guys marvel at his abs and consider taking up his hairstyle.
I consider drowning myself after killing all the people present there.

The movie starts again. The kid is about to deliver the final blow.
People stand up in anticipation (Yeah, that happens here)
Kid jumps. Sure to get his move right. And he does.
Roaring applause.

The experience can't get worse, I'm sure
Chhindwara's movie going crowd has other plans in mind.

Clank! Clank! Clank!
The first two are sounds of coins hitting the screen. Somebody decides to throw five buck coins on the screen as a reward for the kid.
The final clank is my jaw hitting the floor.

No more movies in Chhindwara. Ever!!!

Oh wait. I Hate Luv Storys (Sic) releases on friday.


Saturday, April 03, 2010

My Bucket list (KGP specific)

40 days… shit man… kya kuchh nahin karna hai abhi!
Ek baar aur stage pe jaana hai.
ETMS ke saath bahut saare acoustic sessions karne hain. Aur LTMS ke saath impromptu jamming.
Taaz ka biryani khaana hai ek baar aur. Preferably with Pappu, but wo health-conscious item aayega nahin saala.
DC ke room pe us se godfather solo bajwaana hai. Uske saath ek bhi pic nahin hai meri… kuchh awesome pics leni hain.
Halu ke room pe baithna hai while he cleans his room… old days types… uske saath jaake ek baar garm rasgullah bhi khaana hai.
Dadi ke hath ka pulaav bhi khaana hai… Jaimini ke saath Indian politics pe discussion bhi to karna hai!
Cake ke saath ek baar life ke funde discuss karne hai… kabhi usey properly samjha nahin paaya how good a friend he has been and how I always try to give it back in equal measures.
Ron aur cake ke sath jaana hai aur 3 treats leni hain cake se… deta nahin hai kameena.
Gully cricket mein century maarna hai. Ek baar Sher-e-Punjab jaana hai.
Dhiman and CFM Azad hall ke saath ek huha bakar movie dekhni hai. Aloo ke saath ek aur discussion karna hai… its interesting how people with totally conflicting outlooks can still sit together and enjoy a bakar session.
Mrigesh-Mehta ke saath arbit gaane chillate aur spoof karte hue 2.2 maarna hai phir se.
Special mention to Archi 4th year batch… Alok, Koki, Praddy, Ranjitha… tum logon ko treat pe le jaana tha, but I think it’s a little too late for that now :(
But naved ko abhi bhi treat deni hai, us se pehle treat leni bhi to hai us se!
LTMS 4th years ko CCD le kar jaana hai.
Dep farewell mein phir kuchh controversial bolna hai. Phir profs ko approve karte hue dekhna hai.
Ek baar phir etms treat karni hai. I can’t let the SEP treat be the last time that I was eating out with the whole of etms. Is baar Juhi aur Somya ko bhi kheench ke le kar jaana hai aur frust karna hai. PUURA ETMS!!!
CCD pe kishan aur sudha aur shom ke saath ek infinite bakar session karna hai.
Hridya ko apne finger-bending skills se frust karna hai, aur ek baar uske saath beat boxing bhi karni hai.
And I am pretty sure jitna kuchh yahan pe likha hai, us se zyada points main miss kar raha hoon.
Shit man… kya kuchh nahin karna hai abhi!