Friday, April 10, 2009

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

I would have published this one with the rest of the guys, but it was ready, and I already had a special request. So here goes… a special edition.

C 130 : Varun Jain

about the pic : angrez chale gaye, VJ ko chhod gaye kheti karne.

Popular nicknames: VJ, Ganja, Takla, Makhau, ROTLU, All other similar short derogatory words

Quotable Quotes:

Yaar baaki sab to theek tha, maths makh gaya.

Aakhir kheench-taan ke main kisaan ban hi gaya (this, if you ask me, is the saddest statement ever)

Main sutta chhod raha hoon.

Kitna rota hai be!!! (This is what everyone says about him)

Note : [pls do take note of the hyperlink at the end of this para] When I finally started thinking about writing this one (after repeated requests from some very special people), he tried a lot to convince me to write a lot of nice things about him. (read really fast) Shall I? Nai!!!

So here is VJ. When he was a little kid, he liked to eat paper. One day, he ate a whole dictionary-cum-thesaurus. Ever since that day, he keeps puking those words all around. You will get a feel of what it is like once you read his blog. Read any article (barring a few exceptions), and I-shit-you-not, you will feel as if you have just been smacked in the face with a 4000 page deluxe hard-bound edition of the oxford dictionary.

First some good points about him, since he has requested me so much. But in his style.

VJ is a humid, pre-possessing homo-sapien with a full-sized aortic pump. He is not only a great comrade, but also a magnanimous aficionado of existence. He is furthermore blessed with a remarkable sense of hilarity, wittiness and absurdity. Notwithstanding his hairline which is locked in an unswerving cliffhanger of a competition with the ozone layer in terms of recession and depletion, he takes all jokes pertaining to the same with an incredible tang. He also is a tuneful songster, an endowed author and a factual admirer of gorgeousness and splendor in everything surrounding him(This last sentence is supposed to send an alarm to some people).

He has really gone on to prove that quitting smoking is not at all difficult. As a matter of fact, he himself has done it thousands of times. He is now used in cigarette quitting classes all over the world – as an example of what can become of you if you don’t quit. A typical week in his life goes like this:

Monday : Main aaj se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Monday Night: Rao Sutta de yaar.

Tuesday night: Ye mera aakhiri hai. Iske baad kabhi nahin.

Wednesday: Maine kab bola aakhiri tha?

Thursday: Bas saala. Ab chhod diya.

Half an hour later: Abey kisi ke paas sutta hai kya?

Saturday (1 week and countless cigarettes later): Main next week se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Note: You can replace “sutta chhodna” with “gym jaana” and it will be as true. Kabhi nahin jaata kisaan kahin ka. Its actually good that he is not in a dual degree course, otherwise he’sdhave become a fat chain smoker in his 5th year. Plus, students in Agricultural and Food Engineering Department – I don’t think they even get MTech Stipend... just a pair of bullocks and half an acre of land in Waste Bin-gal.

On a personal note, many of us used to doubt his heterosexuality when we first met him. Our doubts were only strengthened when he became the person to have kissed the most number of seniors during our ragging. That his ass looked like a pendulum swaying with angular amplitude of 45 degrees didn’t help either. However, thanks to some recent developments in his life, we have finally been made to believe that he is not a total gay. Now we are stuck between Straight and Bi.

Jaate jaate ek aur PJ. VJ ko zyada thand kyon lagti hai?

Ans. (read really fast once again) Shawl-hi-nai.