Friday, October 23, 2009


Suddenly found myself missing people, who are also currently missing from KGP.

I miss Nishad for being just the most caring, spirited and simply the most wonderful buddy anyone can ever hope for. I miss the awesome night-outs that we spent deifying some musicians, lambasting some others, or just generally bhaating. I miss rooting for him during WTMS productions and inter-halls, and him cheering me up during ETMS productions. I am also sorry for failing to be the same to him that one time, but I hope he knows that was completely unintentional, and it’d be completely different had I known how bad he would feel about it.

I miss Deepthi and watching her with Nishad almost every time when I went out for a walk, and literally every time that I went to eat out, all waving and smiling warmly as I thought to myself, “Man this girl talks funnily (yes, it’s a word) sometimes, but she really is amazing.”

I miss Chatty da for his extremely warm nature and his sense of humour that was ageing like fine wine, till one day when it suddenly started ageing like milk. I also miss him for the way we used to gang up against Pappu to make his life miserable, taunting him for everything under the sun, and for something that were above it as well. I miss him for the widely interspersed funda sessions that usually emerged out of nowhere, starting with, "Duude!". I miss him because of "dekho maa stud aaya". I can't crib much here, because Jhimli probably misses him more than I do, and is going to cry bitterly when she reads this post.

I miss Rauuuu da for being the most comforting soul around, and for putting a smile on my face every time I felt stressed out, frustrated, or simply bored during the past couple of years.

I miss Maggu for the random midnight bhaat sessions involving extremely profound thoughts about nothing, and for him watching a stupid silly TV soap named ‘Dill mill gaye” (Hearts went through a milling maching) just because it had a character named Mayank, who was a topper and upon whom the hottest girl of the college had a crush.

I miss Anikh 'Ban kar doonga' Thakur for the awesome webcomic suggestions, his incessant bakar on DC mainchat, usually ending with him kennylizing people, for his ability to make lewd jokes out of almost everything, and for Dhachad3 .

I miss Avi for reminding me time-and-again, that good people are not totally extinct yet (Also for frequent patronizing sessions, and for making the use of the shutdown key on maggu’s keyboard)

I miss Modi for being a totall goofball 24*7, cracking as well as coughing up jokes very gracefully, and seeming casually heedless towards everything except his prof, but then invariably being the first one to get your back when you needed a friend around.

I miss VJ for being a finance-funda-counter, and for having a blog that kept reminding me that I am still an outsider to the English language. I miss Sushil for his (over)modesty, and his frequent Butters moments. I miss Singhal for being the JLo of the wing, which often translated to being the butt (pun intended) of all jokes during the wing treats.

I miss Shreevant for encouraging us (a lot of girls miss him too, but their reasons are different), Varun (Achar) for inspiring us and teaching me most of what I know about singing, Singhi for his awesome skills (apart from all the GPL Conspiracies against him that kept us busy, and the baskets of apples his parents sent him every weekend) and Surd for being (Ab)Surd in general.

I miss Dash, Prao, Akhandal, Shreevant (another mention) Aayu, and last but not the least, AKC (his nutjobbery was also a contributing factor though) for being some of the most wonderful seniors humanly possible. I miss Kapish da for always helping me out, and being very nice and polite to me, even though I never got to know him all that well. I miss Saurav Dutta for “Phaack you Phaakaar”.

I miss Shailvee for being so nice and so frank all the time. I miss Pathok because I don’t get to suddenly scream “Pathoooook” anymore.

I miss Bhati for showing me that there hope and optimism ranks much higher than grades. I miss Pushpendra for being such an awesome person, apart from being a diligent student who never got his due while others who copied assignments from him went places. I hope he makes it big in life, because he deserves it. I miss Bhadani for being the person who distracted the professors when nobody wanted to answer them. I miss Adi for his poltu, and his being chafed when I mentioned the same at the departmental farewell function. I miss Ketan for being TEH stud, and for committing the act of studaapa just after convincing the people around him that he won’t be able to do it. I miss Fachcha for being the Mr. Know-all of the Department. I miss Kathel for being Kathel, apart from being my friend imported from Bhopal, who helped me at times when I really needed help. I miss Arpit and Kanhaiya for being such awesome people, whom I unfortunately got to know very little, and that too only during the last semester. I miss Shadab for being just the politest person ever.

I miss Piyush, because of the camaraderie that we shared, despite of us being as different from each other on every level as is possible (except for our shared love for music). I miss his halu expressions and all the different kinds of weird, strange sounds that he could make. I miss Puja for being the nicest girl I have ever met, apart from being the girl I most enjoyed eating out with, and the only girl I know who has an awesome handshake. I also miss her for the enormous amount of faith and confidence that she had in me, and in all her friends in general. I miss Arpita because of the first 1 year that I spent around her, trying to make small talk at best, always afraid of being scolded (kinda), and then for spending the coming following two years trying find excuses to hang out with her, basically because of the cord that we struck with each other, and because she is such an awesome company when you wanna hang out. I miss the way Dhiman’s eyes lit up whenever he used to come up with that amazing surprise for his girl which I could never even think of, and the way only he can.

I miss Tembe for being my first friend in KGP, for always giving that warm smile whenever I waved at him, and for the awesome job-cum-first-year-group-get-together treat. I miss Cake because he is largely unavailable now, and I miss Pastry just because I know Cake misses her (and I am not talking about desserts. I love food, not that much)

And I am worried about the same time next year, because I know that this list is only going to grow - astronomically.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Duck Incident

Note: Please keep clicking on the hyperlinks provided.

It looks like a duck. It walks like a duck. It quacks like a duck.

The responses:-

Average Joe: It is a duck.

A Symbolic Logic student: Saying that it is a duck will make a strong inductive argument.

Engineering Student: I think I will be able to answer you a night before the examination.

Doctor: Might be a duck. But since this is tter of life and death, I suggest you carry out these tests worth 50k-odd bucks on the found creature.

Lawyer: Since it looks, walks and quacks like a duck, it is very apparent that it is not a duck.

Australian: It is either a crocodile or a kangaroo, mayyte.

Restauranteur: Lemme check. If it is, indeed, a duck, I shall run a duck special on the menu today.

Bong Restauranteur: Aagaar daak (duck) hoga to kaal (kal) banega dada. Aaaj daak naaai hoga.

Bong Politician: Cholbe na! Eta Cholbe na! Daak pe atyachaar cholbe na! Strike korbo!!! Aamaara Red chair aur Loudspeakaar laao!!!

MJ: This question is eegnorant!


Pamela Anderson: Well I don’t exactly knowwww what a duck is, but if it is an animal, and they are studying it, then this is cruelty. I shall design a nude campaign with PETA on this issue to save my plummeting popularity levels the poor ducks.

Dumb blonde (except Pamela Anderson): I personally believe that US Americans can not answer this question because some people out there in our nation do not have ducks. And we should help the ducks in countries such as the Iraq and in South Africa and everywhere like such as AND I feel that the ducks in the US should help the US or should help the Iraq and other Asian countries and hence.

Thakur: Dhachad Dhachad Dhachad

Vaibhhav Sinha: Dude! The ignominy of the promiscuity of the illicit nature of the citing of the said quadruped, coupled with your pusillanimity discernible from this act of showing incomprehensible interest in a creature of sub-human intelligence followed by presenting me with such a pathetic query showcases your inability to add 2 and 2 to come up with the correct answer of 4.75. (Intentional use of incomprehensible language? You bet! Dude scored 740 in GRE verbal section. Intentional calculation mistake? Right again!!! 740 in GRE quant section!!!This is something he still ReGREts) (Don't worry if the first few lines don't make sense to you. If you understand his statement completely, then it's probably not his statement to begin with.)

Chef Brian: Aah! A roster! The tomatoes of my brain are mighty pleased. WTF, you ask?Aah... the meaning of life! Mashed potatoes minus stale socks equals "The fuck". Learn.

KGP Prof (and I shit you not): We know that it is not a duck, but since we have to assume something, let us assume that it is a duck.

Haiku Writer: Duck or dog or goat / Unless it can eat you up / What's the friggin' point mate?

Sunday, August 09, 2009

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

C 129 : Shrey Modi

Note: Modi smokes. He probably thinks he looks cool while smoking. Here are the pictures of (1)how he imagines himself looking when he smokes (2)What it looks like to us.

Popular Nicknames : Modi, Shasha, Chuchu, Moda

Quotable Quotes:

Ek-ek kar ke aaoge marne ya ek saath?

Jaimini! Gaad de in sabko!!!

Abey koi Cheddis chalega? (After hearing a no) Saala tu Rao nahin hai yaar!!!

(Note: Just read the previous articles before writing this one and came to remember that I didn't bash Avi as much as others. Now I am a staunch believer in equality. So Avi, sorry dude. Once again)

Meet Shrey Modi. The dude with John Abraham's attitude in Rajpal Yadav's body. He takes inspiration from the world around him, as a result of which he now has a dog's sleep, a donkey's stamina, an owl's nocturnal habits, a rat's alcoholic tolerance (He once got totally smashed after drinking just one beer, fell down from his bed and broke a front tooth - true story) and of course mayank bhagat's appetite. Though these virtues that he has taken up from all these animals (pun intended) have screwed up his life in a very very horrible way, they have also made him the dream employee of all the IT companies. Hence, he manages to find cool things to do, like he did last placement season ;P (buzz me for the inside story).

And though he claims that he will be getting an 8-digit figure when he marries a gal (bikaau saala), I am pretty sure we are gonna face a lot of problems in fixing this pseudo-gult's marriage with another such girl. What kinda problems, you ask? Imagine the famous scene from Sholay, in which Amitabh Bachchan goes to Mausiji to talk about the "rishta". (To watch the scene, click here. Will help you when you compare dialogues). Suppose, one fine day, Modi manages to see beyond his lab and that prof from the Indu Department, and actually likes a gal; and asks any one of the guys (Avi automatically excluded) from ColGatE (Tiwari also excluded, he ain't in ColGatE anymore, courtesy powerpuff girls), then how'd that go? Here is a weirdo's (read : my) impression. (Bouquets and brickbats for the telugu part to be directed to Sudha)

Mausi: Ala unnavu? (How are you?) (I'd just have written "Ent ra" otherwise)

ColGatEian: Bagun nanu. (I am fine)

Mausi: Ab itna to poochhna hi padega ki ladke ka khaandan kya hai? Uske lachchhan kaise hain? Kamaata kitna hai?

ColGatEian: Ab Kamaane ka to ye hai mausi, ki ek baar biwi-bachchon ki zimmedari sir pe aa gayi, to raat raat bhar apne professor ke lab mein rehne ki jagah kisi job ke liye hi apply kar dega.

Mausi: To kya kuchh bhi nahin kamaata?

ColGatEian: Nahin nahin mausi... aisa maine kab kaha. Magar ab roz roz jo prof. isko raat bhar department mein rok leta hai, wo roz project ke paise nahin deta na!

Mausi: Hain? To Professor ka bhi angle hai kya?

ColGatEian: Nahin nahin, magar ek baar jab sutta pila diya na prof ne, to phir raat-din ka kahan hosh rehta hai? Sutta Pila ke rok diya prof ne. Ab isme bechare Modi ki kya galti?

Mausi: Waah beta! Suttebaaz wo, raat ko prof ke saath rukta hai wo, magar galti uski koi nahin?

ColGatEian: Ab mausiji, aisa hai, ki prof to banda hai. Uska tension lene ki zaroorat nahin aapko. Rahi baat bandiyon ki, to shaadi hote hi Avi Jain ke paas jaana band. Bas phir sutta vagairah to yunhi chhoot jayega.

Mausi: Haaye Ram! To ab yahi kami bachi thi? Avi Jain ke paas bhi jaata hai?

ColGatEian: Ab mausiji Avi Jain ke paas to poora ColGatE jaata hai chori-chhupe. Shrey ki galti nahin isme. To main rishta pakka samjhoon?

Mausi: Ledu! No! Never! Now before I throw a bowl of sambhar on you, go away! PO! POOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

ColGatEian: Alright. I am leaving.

Mausi: Ruko.
Jaate jaate Avi Jain ka number aur address dete jaao
(Digression on purpose? You bet!)

Waise frankly speaking, he is sorely missed by all of us. Helping, caring, jovial, the life (and sometimes the death) of all the parties, and most importantly the owner of the wing's only printer; Modi represented the spirit of this Wing. And now with him gone, this wing is never gonna be the same. Even for those of us who are left here. So here is wishing him a life quite opposite to most of what I have written in this blog. Amen!

P.S. 14 over, 3 to go!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Hey There Pupu Chan

My very dear friend TGWTT, who is currently in Grenoble, France for his internship, is basically having a hard time right now. Does not mean that I am particularly enjoying myself all alone in this humid hellhole named KGP, but life does become difficult anywhere without dough (Money). And this is the very problem that tgwtt, whom i lovingly call pappu or pupu chan, is facing in France. To know more, which is important for you in order to understand this post, read his side of the story by clicking here.

So here we were, chatting as he cribbed about his fiscal circumstances there, while I sat in my hostel room listening to this lovely song called Hey there Delilah by a band named Plain White T's. To listen to the song, click here. You can find the lyrics here. Please check these links out, they will help you comprehend and appreciate the post better.

This is the complete version of what I started typing due to the combined effect the two described events. I call it "hey there Pupu Chan"

Hey there Pupu chan

What’s it like in Grenoble city

I am thousands of miles away

And dude, tonight you seem so perky

Yes you do, Gol C can’t shine as bright as you
I swear it’s true

Hey there Pupu Chan

Don’t you worry about the money

When this damned weekend is over

You’ll have glazed donuts and honey

And Chocolate, Rice

I know now you wanna scoop out my eyes

N’ use them as dice

‘Cuz Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

It’s what you do to me

Hey there Pupu Chan, I know France is just absurd

And all that you get for free there is cow poop and goat turd

That too battered; Fifty cents, if he were here he’d say “Word!”

But don’t you swerve

Hey there Pupu Chan, you’ve got so much more of meat

And all the microwaveable food you have

If right now you could eat , You’d eat it all

The very next day while walking you’d fall

And puke it all

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Your university is pretty far

And they’ve got trains and trams and cars

You might have to walk all the way though

Your friends will all make fun of you

And you’ll just laugh along because you know

That neither of those fuckers have no dough

Pupu Chan, I can promise you

That by the time this week gets through

Your wallet will be bursting with euros

You won’t be morose

Hey there Pupu Chan

You be good and don’t play Akon

Two more days and you’ll have cheese and bacon

While I’ll be making Maggi like I do

You’ll know it’s all because of you

You can send me some of your money too

Hey there Pupu Chan here’s to you

And your gal-pals too

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

It’s what you do to me

Friday, April 10, 2009

C Ground East: My Beloved BHING (Continued)

I would have published this one with the rest of the guys, but it was ready, and I already had a special request. So here goes… a special edition.

C 130 : Varun Jain

about the pic : angrez chale gaye, VJ ko chhod gaye kheti karne.

Popular nicknames: VJ, Ganja, Takla, Makhau, ROTLU, All other similar short derogatory words

Quotable Quotes:

Yaar baaki sab to theek tha, maths makh gaya.

Aakhir kheench-taan ke main kisaan ban hi gaya (this, if you ask me, is the saddest statement ever)

Main sutta chhod raha hoon.

Kitna rota hai be!!! (This is what everyone says about him)

Note : [pls do take note of the hyperlink at the end of this para] When I finally started thinking about writing this one (after repeated requests from some very special people), he tried a lot to convince me to write a lot of nice things about him. (read really fast) Shall I? Nai!!!

So here is VJ. When he was a little kid, he liked to eat paper. One day, he ate a whole dictionary-cum-thesaurus. Ever since that day, he keeps puking those words all around. You will get a feel of what it is like once you read his blog. Read any article (barring a few exceptions), and I-shit-you-not, you will feel as if you have just been smacked in the face with a 4000 page deluxe hard-bound edition of the oxford dictionary.

First some good points about him, since he has requested me so much. But in his style.

VJ is a humid, pre-possessing homo-sapien with a full-sized aortic pump. He is not only a great comrade, but also a magnanimous aficionado of existence. He is furthermore blessed with a remarkable sense of hilarity, wittiness and absurdity. Notwithstanding his hairline which is locked in an unswerving cliffhanger of a competition with the ozone layer in terms of recession and depletion, he takes all jokes pertaining to the same with an incredible tang. He also is a tuneful songster, an endowed author and a factual admirer of gorgeousness and splendor in everything surrounding him(This last sentence is supposed to send an alarm to some people).

He has really gone on to prove that quitting smoking is not at all difficult. As a matter of fact, he himself has done it thousands of times. He is now used in cigarette quitting classes all over the world – as an example of what can become of you if you don’t quit. A typical week in his life goes like this:

Monday : Main aaj se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Monday Night: Rao Sutta de yaar.

Tuesday night: Ye mera aakhiri hai. Iske baad kabhi nahin.

Wednesday: Maine kab bola aakhiri tha?

Thursday: Bas saala. Ab chhod diya.

Half an hour later: Abey kisi ke paas sutta hai kya?

Saturday (1 week and countless cigarettes later): Main next week se sutta chhod raha hoon.

Note: You can replace “sutta chhodna” with “gym jaana” and it will be as true. Kabhi nahin jaata kisaan kahin ka. Its actually good that he is not in a dual degree course, otherwise he’sdhave become a fat chain smoker in his 5th year. Plus, students in Agricultural and Food Engineering Department – I don’t think they even get MTech Stipend... just a pair of bullocks and half an acre of land in Waste Bin-gal.

On a personal note, many of us used to doubt his heterosexuality when we first met him. Our doubts were only strengthened when he became the person to have kissed the most number of seniors during our ragging. That his ass looked like a pendulum swaying with angular amplitude of 45 degrees didn’t help either. However, thanks to some recent developments in his life, we have finally been made to believe that he is not a total gay. Now we are stuck between Straight and Bi.

Jaate jaate ek aur PJ. VJ ko zyada thand kyon lagti hai?

Ans. (read really fast once again) Shawl-hi-nai.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dekho Maa Stud Aaya

Note: Everything written below is completely made-up and utterly bullshit. Tambay is a wonderful guy, who is really spoilt for choice right now. I could write this article because I know he will take this in good humour, and I expect the same from everyone else (Though something tells me Tapas is gonna be a name of the past after this post... Tambay's gonna kill me)

Acknowledgements: TGWTT and pingu da for coming up with the idea along with me, and TGWTT again for valuable inputs. Also, Nishad for proof reading. And Tambay for being Tambay. And last but not the least, JHIMLI DEVI KI JAI!!!

The name's Shreesh. Chaitanya Shreesh. Tambay Chaitanya Shreesh. Or Chaitanya Shreesh Tambay. Permutations. Combinations. Doesn't really matter.

What really matters is that we all know Tambay. We know he is an absolute stud... an endangered species, if Rahul Jaimini is to be believed. And he keeps proving this every now and then. Be it getting selected in two of the best companies for internship, then kicking ITC in the balls, only to get back for ITC campus interview and being one of the only two people to have cleared it, then becoming the "Probable state topper" in CAT, he keeps having his moments. But there are some ultimate, 'Dekho maa stud aaya' moments that even take him by surprise.

One of such moments was when a lady named Jhimli Mukherjee Panday, apparently smitten with Tambay, decided to make him a national hero by printing his 'misquoted' interview- one dripping with awesomeness- in TOI. Now, he is diligently preparing and appearing for IIM interviews. This makes one wonder: if he now decides to join the IIMs instead of ITC, what would the next interview be like? Here's my guess

(Note- all the puns are completely intended):

IITian ditches ITC, Chooses IIM

14 Apr 2009, 0441 hrs IST, Jhimli Mukherjee Pandey, TNN

Kolkata: In this phase of recession, when IITians are getting rejected by jobs which they earlier didn't even use to consider, the probable state topper in this year's CAT, who also happens to be having a job offer with corporate giant ITC, says he likes the toll and nightouts of the IIM better. In all probability, Chaitanya Tambay of IIT Kharagpur would join an IIM, though he has already received desperate requests from ITC to join in.

The Nagpur boy has just completed four gruelling years at IIT Kharagpur and feels all this hard work should not go down the drain as ITC would offer him an associate managerial profile and a meager pay package of around 12 LPA that would be far below his dignity, self-respect; and above all, his capability. Chaitanya has always been a bright scholar at the mechanical engineering department of IIT Kharagpur and has just bagged a management seat through IIM interviews and is looking forward to joining them soon.

"If I join ITC, then after a few months of training, I would be in charge of production in a factory where I will be expected to remove the petty hurdles at the production level by using my technical knowledge : something which other lesser mortals from my college are also allowed to do. And I might be made to work at a cigarette factory, and I hate cigarettes - so much so that I have actually resolved to burn them all, one-by-one (note from author - :D ). If I take this job over IIM, I will have to subordinate people who would be my superiors just because they passed out before me, which is stupid because they are no match for me. I am not willing to do that at any point in my life." says Chaitanya.

Son of an electrical engineer, who also teaches at NIT, Nagpur, Chaitanya always dreamt of ultimately becoming the owner of a big industry. "I still cherish that dream. For two whole weeks during my seventh semester, I slogged like a mad horse to crack CAT and show them what I've got. Why should I let all this hard work go? At this stage, my aim is to learn more rather than to start earning right now. I would much rather wait now, and earn a lot more two years down the line" he said.

But isn't it a big risk, leaving such a reputed job in the current job-scene? "Look, my dear Jhimli; You have to learn to look at the bigger picture. I always do that. And the truth is that - I don't always want to keep working just like all my friends, like that fatass Tapas and that crapbag Vaibhhav. One day, I want to be the owner of a firm like ITC. And the person on top is never an engineer. He's usually a manager, and always a leader. That is what I am going to become."

Interestingly, TOI had published a report last year on how the state spends about Rs 16 lakhs to train each student at the IITs and how it goes down the drain because most engineers choose to become MBAs then. But Tambay has an irrefutable reply to that, "I will pay those Rs.16 Lakhs back (With interest) to the Goverment of Waste Bengal. Its going to be short change. Believe me."

But why did Chaitanya appear for the ITC interview then? "I always tell people that I needed the job that time. But actually, I just wanted to piss my batchmates off. I wanted to tell them that I can do everything they can, and do it better. That is why I appeared for the internship interviews for both HUL and ITC, cleared both, left ITC, and now again, I took the job that everyone is dying for, and I'll leave it. Just like that. That's what I do, Jhimli.", He says with a wink, and a mischievous smile dancing on his lips.

But I want to know what the real reason is. So I prod him again, and this time, on a more serious note, he says "I never told this to anyone, even not to the losers who I pretend to be friends with. But since its you Jhimli, I'll tell you noting but the truth.I hate cigarettes. Whenever I see someone smoking, something inside me dies, along with their lungs. So I will keep doing this to ITC until and unless they realize their mistakes and stop manufacturing cigarettes." Says the man with the Midas touch. With this, he smiles contently, as he gazes profoundly into the mirror in front of him. And we can understand why - because with him in front, one can see the image of India's future in the mirror.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


तमन्ना फिर मचल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ
ये मौसम ही बदल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ...

ये दुनिया भर के झगडे, घर के किस्से, काम की बातें
बला हर एक टल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ

नहीं मिलते हो तुम, तो सब यहाँ हमदर्द हैं मेरे
ज़माना मुझसे जल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ

मुझे ग़म है कि मैंने ज़िन्दगी में कुछ नहीं पाया
ये ग़म दिल से निकल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने जाओ...

तमन्ना फिर मचल जाए, अगर तुम मिलने आ जाओ......