Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dekho Maa Stud Aaya

Note: Everything written below is completely made-up and utterly bullshit. Tambay is a wonderful guy, who is really spoilt for choice right now. I could write this article because I know he will take this in good humour, and I expect the same from everyone else (Though something tells me Tapas is gonna be a name of the past after this post... Tambay's gonna kill me)

Acknowledgements: TGWTT and pingu da for coming up with the idea along with me, and TGWTT again for valuable inputs. Also, Nishad for proof reading. And Tambay for being Tambay. And last but not the least, JHIMLI DEVI KI JAI!!!

The name's Shreesh. Chaitanya Shreesh. Tambay Chaitanya Shreesh. Or Chaitanya Shreesh Tambay. Permutations. Combinations. Doesn't really matter.

What really matters is that we all know Tambay. We know he is an absolute stud... an endangered species, if Rahul Jaimini is to be believed. And he keeps proving this every now and then. Be it getting selected in two of the best companies for internship, then kicking ITC in the balls, only to get back for ITC campus interview and being one of the only two people to have cleared it, then becoming the "Probable state topper" in CAT, he keeps having his moments. But there are some ultimate, 'Dekho maa stud aaya' moments that even take him by surprise.

One of such moments was when a lady named Jhimli Mukherjee Panday, apparently smitten with Tambay, decided to make him a national hero by printing his 'misquoted' interview- one dripping with awesomeness- in TOI. Now, he is diligently preparing and appearing for IIM interviews. This makes one wonder: if he now decides to join the IIMs instead of ITC, what would the next interview be like? Here's my guess

(Note- all the puns are completely intended):

IITian ditches ITC, Chooses IIM

14 Apr 2009, 0441 hrs IST, Jhimli Mukherjee Pandey, TNN

Kolkata: In this phase of recession, when IITians are getting rejected by jobs which they earlier didn't even use to consider, the probable state topper in this year's CAT, who also happens to be having a job offer with corporate giant ITC, says he likes the toll and nightouts of the IIM better. In all probability, Chaitanya Tambay of IIT Kharagpur would join an IIM, though he has already received desperate requests from ITC to join in.

The Nagpur boy has just completed four gruelling years at IIT Kharagpur and feels all this hard work should not go down the drain as ITC would offer him an associate managerial profile and a meager pay package of around 12 LPA that would be far below his dignity, self-respect; and above all, his capability. Chaitanya has always been a bright scholar at the mechanical engineering department of IIT Kharagpur and has just bagged a management seat through IIM interviews and is looking forward to joining them soon.

"If I join ITC, then after a few months of training, I would be in charge of production in a factory where I will be expected to remove the petty hurdles at the production level by using my technical knowledge : something which other lesser mortals from my college are also allowed to do. And I might be made to work at a cigarette factory, and I hate cigarettes - so much so that I have actually resolved to burn them all, one-by-one (note from author - :D ). If I take this job over IIM, I will have to subordinate people who would be my superiors just because they passed out before me, which is stupid because they are no match for me. I am not willing to do that at any point in my life." says Chaitanya.

Son of an electrical engineer, who also teaches at NIT, Nagpur, Chaitanya always dreamt of ultimately becoming the owner of a big industry. "I still cherish that dream. For two whole weeks during my seventh semester, I slogged like a mad horse to crack CAT and show them what I've got. Why should I let all this hard work go? At this stage, my aim is to learn more rather than to start earning right now. I would much rather wait now, and earn a lot more two years down the line" he said.

But isn't it a big risk, leaving such a reputed job in the current job-scene? "Look, my dear Jhimli; You have to learn to look at the bigger picture. I always do that. And the truth is that - I don't always want to keep working just like all my friends, like that fatass Tapas and that crapbag Vaibhhav. One day, I want to be the owner of a firm like ITC. And the person on top is never an engineer. He's usually a manager, and always a leader. That is what I am going to become."

Interestingly, TOI had published a report last year on how the state spends about Rs 16 lakhs to train each student at the IITs and how it goes down the drain because most engineers choose to become MBAs then. But Tambay has an irrefutable reply to that, "I will pay those Rs.16 Lakhs back (With interest) to the Goverment of Waste Bengal. Its going to be short change. Believe me."

But why did Chaitanya appear for the ITC interview then? "I always tell people that I needed the job that time. But actually, I just wanted to piss my batchmates off. I wanted to tell them that I can do everything they can, and do it better. That is why I appeared for the internship interviews for both HUL and ITC, cleared both, left ITC, and now again, I took the job that everyone is dying for, and I'll leave it. Just like that. That's what I do, Jhimli.", He says with a wink, and a mischievous smile dancing on his lips.

But I want to know what the real reason is. So I prod him again, and this time, on a more serious note, he says "I never told this to anyone, even not to the losers who I pretend to be friends with. But since its you Jhimli, I'll tell you noting but the truth.I hate cigarettes. Whenever I see someone smoking, something inside me dies, along with their lungs. So I will keep doing this to ITC until and unless they realize their mistakes and stop manufacturing cigarettes." Says the man with the Midas touch. With this, he smiles contently, as he gazes profoundly into the mirror in front of him. And we can understand why - because with him in front, one can see the image of India's future in the mirror.