IITians... the PJ Gods

People say IITians are intelligent, geeky, nerdy, bookworms... u add the adjectives.

I think there is nothing called a typical IITian. But if there is something that is the most common among them,
it is the habit of cracking venumous PJ's (poor jokes- anybody who didn't even know the full form is
requested to stop reading-the content can be fatal). IITians learn to crack PJ's within a semester of their stay
here. And those who don't, develop an auto-halu mode(like my dear friend Akash has already done). Even I
couldn't endure PJ's when i first arrived here, but my level increased exponentially in this semster, and now
I am become a name- a name of reverence for other PJ lovers and a highly dreaded one amongst others. Now
I'm almost at par with the PJ Gods of our batch in IIT Kharagpur. Here are some of the PJ's that I remember
(with the crew). Hope you like them.

Characters: Me(Tapas Shrivastava)
Bond(Kartik Prabhu)
Abhas Saroha
Pappu/Tattu(Vaibhav Sinha)
Patrick(Prateek Patodi)
KT(Kaustubh Tripathi- God pf PJ's)
Cake(Apurv Gupta)
Ankit Singh Tawar.
Dash(Shishir Dash- our Hall president)

1. KT(In an electrical technology class):"Hostel is the daughter of tree and ostrich."
Saamanya junta:"How the hell?"
KT:"An ostrich has wings. Hostel also has wings. Ostrich cannot fly despite of having the wings. A hostel also can't. But an ostrich can move.
But a tree cannot move. A hostel also can't move."
2. A group of friends eating at Harry's. One of them was Ankit Tawar.
All of a sudden, he said,"There are a lot of english weights sitting here today."
We scratched our scalp hard, then asked him what he meant.
He replied calmly,"Look guys! What's the unit of weight in british system? Its the pound.
Pound is abbreviated as lb, and as u all can see, there are a lot of love birds sitting here today."

3. Pappu, Abhas and Bond eating at chilles.
Pappu:" The only PROM that I know of is programmable read only memory."

4. Me, Bond, Abhas and Pappu sitting at chilles.
Abhas:"Till yesterday, I didn't even know PV has a blog."
Me:"He has 2... mhollow and mstillhollow. I think the next one to come is 'mihollow?'. "
Pappu:" After that, we'll have a 'doyouthinkiamhollow'."
Abhas:"And then?"
Me:" Ki holo!!!(bangla, dude)"

5. Patrick:" Our instructor has done J2SE, J2EE, Matlab, JSP and xml in class. I know nothing!"
Me:" Even I know about some of these."
Bond:"How?"
Me:"We have a lab on matlab every thursday. And we have a chemical engg course where we keep on using phrases like-
Take xml of KMnO4....."

6. Pappu:"Will a virus remain a virus even after passing through a wormhole?"

7. Me:" I have no right to publish a blog. All of u write much better than me."
Bond:"Don't worry yaar. Hum kitna bhi likh lein, yaad rakhna ki sau sonaar ki aur ek lohaar ki."
Me:"K. I wanna be Iridium-aar then."

8. Whole of the gang eating at billoo's.
I told KT:"U know our G.sec. Technology? His pet dialog is 'I don't give a damn!'."
KT:"He doesn't give a dam(n)? I don't give a hydroelectric power station!!!"

9. My chat with Cake on Gtalk.
Cake: normal types
not bad
ppl r praising
me: bhai main kaunsa teri hburai kar raha hoon
3:48 AM Cake: haan theek hai.. main kaun sa bol raha hoon ki tu meri buraai kar raha hai
3:49 AM me: main to hamesha teri tareef karta hoon
aur aaj toone aisa samajh liya?
patthardil
me: sangdil
:(
Cake: buzdil.. shergil....
me: kargil
3:50 AM Cake: bulla ki jaanaa main kaun
me: fish ke gill
billoo ke bill
himalaya ki hill
chhohe ke bill
Cake: chai ki mill
me: nahin re
aate ki mill
jail ki swill
3:51 AM buddhe ki will
Cake: cancer ki pill
me: baithe reh... bilkul mat hil!!!!!!!!!!
:P
Cake: :(
3:53 AM Cake: nahi nahi abhi nahi abhi karo intzaar
sona hai mujhe... bistar hai bekaraar
pataa hai.. bekaar tha
chhod
me: chup ho ja chamaar
Cake: hehehe
me: maaroonga jote hazaar
Cake: sahi
me: joote*
karoonga aise aise waar
3:54 AM Cake: bas

me: tere pair ho jaayenge bekaar
aur haath ho jaayenge chaar
tu ban sakta hai star
agar mujhse nahin ki war
Cake: ab uch jyada ho hgaya
me: kal ke liye BOL mere yaar!!!!
3:55 AM Cake: ab grahan kijiye raatri kaa namaskaar
me: aur sun lo gaaliyan do-chaar
3:56 AM Cake: chup baith chotte-chamaar
me: insti mein hain na tera event yaar?
near the office of the registrar?
Cake: saalaa pata nahi kya kya hai bolta.. aur leta bhi nahi ek bhi dakaar!
me: us room number mein aata hai 1 aur 4
3:57 AM Cake: tere dimaag mein hai gandagi ka bhandaar
me: woh sab chhor
Cake: duniya mein machaa hai hahakaar
me: tere gaane mein kaun baja raha hai guitar?
3:58 AM bata na yaar?
10. Dash:" Hi Tapas. I heard you had a brain transplant?"
Me:"What?"
Dash:"Yup!"
Me:"Nothing as such. Why?"
Dash:"Somebody told me that you were gonna participate in What's the good word, but you have changed your mind."
11. Dash:"What will spectators say if lord Shiva came to dance in vortex(dance competition)?"
Junta:"Dunno. You tell."
Dash:"Abey yehi bolenge ki kya godly dancer hai!!!"

Okay! Enough now. I, Tapas Shrivastava, hereby declares that I am bored of wasting time. Now I'll go and study........
(FOR THE SLOW ONES OUT OF YOU WHO DIDN'T NOTICE, THIS WAS THE WORST PJ OF ALL THE ONES LISTED ABOVE!!!)

A CHIRKUT'S ATTEMPTS TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN..

They say that womes are from venus and men are from mars(normal version) / women are from venus and men are from a manhole situated on mars(women's version). Whatever the case, everyone atleast agrees upon two points:-
1. They are supposed to live at a planet's distance from each other, if not more.
2. None of them are supposed to be living on earth.

But this was not the case as we all can see. Male and female homo-sapiens have been living in a state of peaceful [ :P ] co-existence for millenia. And since the beginning, all men have been trying to understand the female of their species but all their efforts have failed miserably. This is so simply because no matter how simple it sounds, it is more difficult than erecting an equal-sized pyramid by the side of the bloody hugest one in Egypt. Infact, there are probably only two things that seem more difficult than this. They are(In increasing order of IMPROBABLILITY OF OCCURENCE):-
1. Earning enough in a lifetime to buy a 5,000 square feet bunglow in mumbai city.
2.Getting the insti diro to improve his accent into a conjecturable one(i bet he won't ever even give the APAAR-E-CHOO-NEE-TEE to anyone).

But everybody makes an attempt(not at the diro thing... anybody wud probably commit suicide rather than trying to understand what he says) to understand girls. Though the initiation step in any research(getting to know the subject well) is damn difficult in this case, because for this, we need to talk to girls. And in most cases(ok, atleast in mine), whenever i decide to talk to a girl and go in front of her, my tongue simply sticks to the dental roof and just refuses to let go. Finally I end up making a noice like I'm retarded or something(some girls have even remarked- poor guy! ). So you see, it's not easy. Hence I have to depend upon other people's knowledge in my thesis(which, in fact, is the case with every other thesis).

And though I know that I've failed in doing this, I've found out that the basic difference is that of outlook. I am listing some examples here:-

* If a girl comes up and talks to a guy, she is plainly interested in exchange of words and innocent conversation.
If a guy goes and talks to a girl, he's flirting.

* If a girl is looking at a guy from the corner of her eyes, she is analysing him/ trying to remember if she recognises him and has met him somewhere.
If a guy looks at a girl through the corner of his eyes, he is staring/ gazing/ eyeballing/ leeching.

* Suppose a girl and a guy are good friends.
While talking, if the guy says I love you(by the way, I think friends are supposed to love each. Isn't it) , he is trying to take the relationship to the next level/ taking undue advantage of the girl's friendship/ misinterpreting her jovial nature/ doesn't deserve to talk to the girl again.
If the girl says so, she loves him as a brother/ she values his friendship/ she is actually in love/ has said so simply out of pity for the guy/ it was just a slip of tongue.

* Suppose a guy and a girl are in love with each other.
If the girl doesn't propose, it's so because a girl is not supposed to do so. If she does, she is courageous/ gutsy/ (add other adjectives)....
If a guy proposes, he is insensitive/ it's not the right time/ it's an initial stage of the relationship. If he doesn't, he's Mr.No-Balls.

*If this guy gives the girl a gift, it is expensive/cheap/ impersonal/ irrelevant/ she simply doesn't like it. If he doesn't he's a cheap-o-saurus and values money more than the girl.
If a girl gives a gift, it's gotta be great. If she doesn't, it ain't the gift that matters, it's her feelings towards him that do.

And since I'm finishing off, the last distinction has to come now.
* Had a girl written this article about boys, it would have been 'a simple attempt by a glorious creation of the almighty to understand another wonderful creation', and the girl would have been 'a sweet female just exercising her right for expression and showing her curiosity over the highly interesting nature of human relations'.

But since I've written it, it is simply an insane good-for-nothing blog, andI'm an insensitive bugger, a disrespectful moron and a chauvinist pig!!!